BW007 Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I have been moving through the layers of breaking up and I have come to realize I have a lot to fix in my life and yes I am miserable about the breakup, but I let the pain take over my life. No joke, I have let everything in my life get to a crisis point. Unemployment, car broke down, finances, utter despair, fear of everything I touch turning to crap, therefore being paralyzed for fear of failure are just a few of the issues. My self esteem has crashed. That is NOT HER FAULT. She did me wrong but my collapsing life is MY FAULT. i wouldn't want to date someone as messed up as myself. I realize this: It ain't just about this failed relationship. It ain't about her. I am the common denominator. I do not think I am a mentally healthy person. I keep making the wrong decisions and now I have painted myself into a corner. I am a F'd up broken person right now and that is no joke. I am self aware enough to know that feeling sorry for yourself gets you nowhere but I feel I have really messed up my life and I am getting too old to be so lost. This is not a pity party, I think something is really wrong here. I think this is a lifelong depression pushing everything to rock bottom. On the plus side I am not a drug addict or alcoholic. So coping, about her, yeah I guess I am a little, but I have realized she has become a secondary distraction from some really huge problems I am having.
Steadfast Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I know it seems bleak right now, but what's encouraging about your comments is that you realize she's the secondary problem; that it is you who needs the work. That's a good start...you're on the road back. You're overwhelmed right now. Everything is piling up and nothing is being solved. What you need to do is focus on one problem at a time. I'd suggest getting your finances in order first: do what you have to do to meet your monthly, even weekly needs. Shelter, food, expenses for daily living. If you are against the wall and family can't help, check with a local community outreach like a church or a state-backed group that can offer ideas and help. Go in with the attitude that it is only temporary and be prepared to help someone else someday. One problem at a time! In future decisions, make the choice to not just _do_ good things for others, but _be_ good. Make it who you are. Remember how this feels and make the choice to never put yourself in this situation again. Like someone wrote here recently; 'Be good to yourself'. Don't feel bad about feeling bad, it's normal. If you were strength training your body, it wouldn't happen overnight. Same with your heart, it is a muscle that will need to be built up slowly. It'll be strong. There is nothing wrong with getting some help. You will make it!
PinkRibbon Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Seems like you have alot going on it your life. I would pick one thing that you can possibly make bette and concentrate on that more than any other. One small step at a time. If you can find a job then that would be a step in a positive direction. You are not a mess just a little jumbled which is easy to fix. Just start small. Can't fix it all at once so 1 thing at a time. Good luck!
TheBigCow Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Hey BW, sounds like we've got another thing in common haha. I've also let my life crumble down, I dropped out of my course, lost my job (not fired but realized I couldn't get the work done), finances a mess ect and I also realized that my ex-girlfriend problems were probably just secondary but were enough to push me over the edge into this depression. But recently I've been feeling a little better and I don't mean things are actually improving at all but instead I've just come to accept that I don't need to be in any rush to fix everything. Okay finances and health are important to get straight but as for where you are mentally, car wise whatever just take it slow, try not to feel bad about being in a bad place because its just a self feeding cycle of depression. I've decided just to sort out the really important things and then try to do things like sleep properly again and get in contact with friends and then hopefully I'll find motivation to get other things back on track. So basically same advice as above, just take it slowly and don't feel bad about where your at, it may be "your fault" but really I think its out of our hands how hard we fall from something like this, its just who we are.. what will be your fault is if now having realized you can change things, letting things get much much worse. Good luck
Author BW007 Posted May 8, 2009 Author Posted May 8, 2009 Thanks for the words of encouragement all of you... BC, PR, and steadfast...I am feeling a little less alienated today but it is up and down. I am trying to pull my head out of my ass and reprioritize what importance a wayward ex-girlfriend has in my life. Not much, I must focus on me and screw her mindgames.
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