conehead Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Or do they mainly just hang out with their guy friends? If your bf hangs out with another girl one on one once every 2-3 weeks, is that considered wrong?
allyy Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Or do they mainly just hang out with their guy friends? He usually hangs out with guy friends whenever he goes out, but say at school he talks to girls and stuff too. If your bf hangs out with another girl one on one once every 2-3 weeks, is that considered wrong? Honestly, I don't think there's anything wrong with it, I know myself, and I can get pretty jealous and upset but in the end I trust him and I know he would never do anything wrong.
allornothing Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 There a few factors i'd like to know about the girl(s) he is hanging out with on a regular basis. (btw, i have been though this myself). First i'd like to know if he has been in a relationship with the girl and second where do they usually hang out? like at his/her place or a bar....not that it makes a lot of difference but it would affect my jealously factor....In general i don't think there is anything wrong with males having female close friends or vica versa but in the end it is up to what you can deal with and be comfortable with...if you aren't comfortable talk to him about it....in the end my theory has always been to give my guy enough rope and see what he does with it
Els Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Of course it depends on the guy, right? My bf is rather introverted and doesn't mix much with girls, except for college stuff. So honestly I would be surprised, and perhaps there would be a little niggling suspicion -- but I'm a firm believer of trust instead of control where relationships are concerned. I, on the other hand, have a passion for certain 'guy hobbies', and thus a good portion of my buddies are guys. He knows that, because he was one of them before, and he knows most of them. So it's okay.
Mountainlove Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Hello, personally I think thats a bit too much. Well depends how long as well. I have male friends too but I only see them 2-3x a months. Does this girl has a boyfriend or is single? Have you met her? I totally understand why your jealous - I woudl be too- I would ask him about her and see what hs reply is maybe she is just a friend...
Rollercoasterr Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Mine has a couple of friends that are girls, but he only talks to them on msn. Heck, he only talks to any of his friends on msn unless he has class with him. He doesn't like to go out much because he gets annoyed with stupid people too easily. When we first started our relationship there was this girl that he hung out with a couple of times and from what he would tell me about her I just knew that she liked him. He never believed me because he's one of those oblivious guys. About 3 weeks later when he told her he had a girlfriend she got mad and hasn't talked to him since, haha. I counted that one as a score for me being right. But I don't know if that scared him off of the idea of having girls as friends or what but he just about wont talk to them unless it's my friends that live here.
happyuk Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 No he doesn't have girl mates, he just goes out with his male friends.
Maggs Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 When he's not working (he works away from home), he tends to hang out with friends but they're all either married or in a relationship. So he's seeing both of them as a couple. Don't think we have any single girl friends. Not over where he is anyway! Would I have a problem with it? Well I guess it depended on what they were doing. If it meant getting together every weekend for a movie night in and sitting on the couch together, I might get a bit annoyed! I would expect him to be respectful as I would be to him.
LonelyTiger Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I don't personally know any of the friends my husband has made since he's been abroad - I haven't been out there yet - but I know that some of them are female. Some married and some not. Most of the things he enjoys doing are more 'guy' type things but he's always got on well with women, so if a woman is into the same stuff then I know he would hang out with them too. By 'hanging out' I assume you mean a bit of socialising? In that case I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Especially if it's only every two or three weeks. If you suspect there's more to it than just 'socialising' then that would be a problem.
SophieA Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 My situation is similar to the one above. My boyfriend is super friendly and can get along with just about anyone. He moved away a few weeks ago to the caribbean for med school. He's made quite a few new friends and I know that two of them are female. One is in a relationship, one is single. I just shrug and say whatever. He's with me, not them. And why wouldn't he want to be? That's pretty much the attitude I have about it. As long as he's open and honest about her I wouldn't worry about it. It's when they get secretive that you have to worry.
Island Girl Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 My situation is a bit different due to cultural and logistical circumstances. My husband never socializes in any way with other women other than those related to him. He may deal with them in other capacities when taking care of "business" transactions but that is extremely limited as well. In our LDR situation we are both extremely careful about anything that would cause ANY insecurities to flare up or 'root' themselves in any way. And I would have a problem with him socializing with other women. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Just as he would!
Admiral Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Or do they mainly just hang out with their guy friends? If your bf hangs out with another girl one on one once every 2-3 weeks, is that considered wrong? No. Men arne't supposed to be in long distance relationships, you're lucky if hanging out is all he does. Long distance relationships force people to try to repress their sexuality.
Ashbash11 Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Oh Admiral.... not again... Here we go with the controversy.
Island Girl Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Long distance relationships force people to try to repress their sexuality. You aren't in an LDR. You don't agree that LDRs are viable or "real" relationships. So you are presumptive with your opinions in the first place. This is only your opinion. It isn't a fact but it's so funny that you state your opinions as if they are. My relationship does NOT force me to repress my sexuality. The thought of that is laughable. For the record I'll just spell it all out: You don't believe in LDRs. You believe they are unnatural. You believe they aren't real relationships. You believe they are impossible and don't really work. Blah Blah Blah. None of these things are true. And they won't be no matter how many times you post them. It isn't supportive or constructive to those here actually IN these types of relationships.
Author conehead Posted May 8, 2009 Author Posted May 8, 2009 Well my bf is a very friendly person n has alot of female friends, tho I dont think he's hung out with them since we started dating. I guess I'm just insecure cuz I'm sometimes afraid that maybe he hangs out with them but lies to me about it. I guess a huge thing with an LDR is trust and I just have to trust him.
Els Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 No. Men arne't supposed to be in long distance relationships, you're lucky if hanging out is all he does. Long distance relationships force people to try to repress their sexuality. You know, if someone trolled all the threads in the OW/OM forum with the generic message 'You're a bad man/woman for getting hooked up with that married man/woman! Stop it now!' regardless of the individual circumstance, he'd definitely get banned/warned upon reporting. I wonder if it'd work here...
Admiral Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 For the record I'll just spell it all out: You don't believe in LDRs. You believe they are unnatural. You believe they aren't real relationships. You believe they are impossible and don't really work. Blah Blah Blah. None of these things are true. And they won't be no matter how many times you post them. It's a fact that a relationship where the two people are together is far better than an LDR. You know, if someone trolled all the threads in the OW/OM forum with the generic message 'You're a bad man/woman for getting hooked up with that married man/woman! Stop it now!' regardless of the individual circumstance, he'd definitely get banned/warned upon reporting. I wonder if it'd work here... I'm not trolling, I'm offering the best advice this man can get. It'll make him happier than trying to maintain an LDR.
smile23 Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 I have had a boyfriend for 3.5 years, and we are in a long distance relationship during the school year (we go to separate colleges in different states), yet I have a best friend of the opposite sex who I hang out with 2-3 times per day. Although this may seem excessive, we just truly enjoy each other's company and have become best friends. I do not think that it's a problem whatsoever if a guy hangs out with a girl, or vice versa, especially if it's only 2-3 times per month. It's certainly not healthy to limit your friendships with others because of a relationship.
Island Girl Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 It's a fact that a relationship where the two people are together is far better than an LDR. It is a FACT that no man on the planet could ever replace my husband and ANY "present" man would be sadly lacking and I would be far unhappier than I am in my LDR with him. I'm not trolling, I'm offering the best advice this man can get. It'll make him happier than trying to maintain an LDR. Really? The best this MAN can get? You know conehead is a MAN do you?!!! Yeah something else you "KNOW" for a "FACT" :lmao::lmao: You do not believe in LDRs at all. The only comments you ever have is how they don't work or "force" someone to repress their sexuality or aren't real - etc. (:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:) Do you really think continually telling people here (no matter the thread) that their LDRs ALL somehow suck and need to end is helpful? __
LonelyTiger Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Well my bf is a very friendly person n has alot of female friends, tho I dont think he's hung out with them since we started dating. I guess I'm just insecure cuz I'm sometimes afraid that maybe he hangs out with them but lies to me about it. I guess a huge thing with an LDR is trust and I just have to trust him. Trust is definitely important conehead, in any relationship (and please ignore EVERYTHING that Admiral is saying - there are many of us here in very successful LDRs that prove him WRONG!) We are all different and have different boundaries that are acceptable to us. My husband has a very good female friend that he used to share a house with before we got together (she rented a room from him). She's a lovely girl and I like her enormously. In fact it was largely her who helped me cope the first time my hubby and I were LDR - I took Spanish classes with her to help keep me busy. He rarely sees her these days because she lives a distance away but, on the odd occasion, he has visited her and stayed overnight. It doesn't worry me at all. I know them both and I trust them both. I could easily go with him but I choose not to. He also has married female work colleagues who have become friends (where we live) and has stayed over with them too. I also have lots of male friends that I have met over the years and stayed in touch with, mostly by email, text or msn. I've met up with one or two of them on the odd occasion (not overnight!) and he's cool with that because, although he doesn't know them, he trusts me. I am sure there are people out there who will be open mouthed with amazement - even my parents raise their eyebrows at how relaxed we are about these things. His parents don't bat an eyelid! This is obviously way different from the boundaries in Island Girls relationship but, like I said, we're all different and there is really no right or wrong. If you feel you can't trust him then that's what the issue is - not the fact that he has female friends.
LonelyTiger Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 :mad: Admiral why don't you do a post of your own, telling us all about your own personal experiences of LDRs - I mean LDRs that you've actually been in yourself! On the other hand - don't bother - it will obviously be a made up story anyway and I don't think anyone in the LDR forum is terribly interested in what you have to say about our relationships. You have no idea what you're talking about and you clearly don't even pay attention to the OP if you think conehead is a man! :sick: !!!
Els Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 :mad: Admiral why don't you do a post of your own, telling us all about your own personal experiences of LDRs - I mean LDRs that you've actually been in yourself! On the other hand - don't bother - it will obviously be a made up story anyway and I don't think anyone in the LDR forum is terribly interested in what you have to say about our relationships. You have no idea what you're talking about and you clearly don't even pay attention to the OP if you think conehead is a man! :sick: !!! Of course not. His agenda for the day is probably: #1: Select any three random threads from the LDR forums #2: Zoom in to some 'hook' that will provide a nice quote for one of his generic messages about men not being made to remain faithful #3: Mission accomplished!
Bearandsue Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 My SO has two girls that he sometimes hang out with and he has known them since he was a child. I have met them and talk to both of them online. I dont have a problem with him hanging out with them. It's usually in mixed company anyways. On the other hand if he met some new girl or any other girl for that matter and started hanging out one on one with them I would have a problem. That's just me. I am the jealous psychotic(especially around PMS time) girl. Not that i don't trust him. I would be jealous that they hung out and do stuff together and I am so far away and cant do those things with him. I will completely ignore admiral's comments.
Island Girl Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 That's just me. I am the jealous psychotic(especially around PMS time) girl. Not that i don't trust him. I would be jealous that they hung out and do stuff together and I am so far away and cant do those things with him. Nahh! It's not just you! I am one of those too when it comes to him. :love: But I add possessiveness to the mix as well! Thankfully we have a real understanding about this since he is the same way. I will completely ignore admiral's comments. Okay. I will try as well. I'm signing "the pledge". LOL Ignore all troll posters who not of what they post...
Rollercoasterr Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 There's also that little ignore button that does wonders. I can't think of anything good he could ever have to say. Ever.
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