bigmanpayne Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 every expert i listen to and every self-respecting person says that you should not try to prove yourself when someone says something about you that isn't true. you are supposed to just keep on keeping on and not let it get to you. for the most part i have done that but i am still having a little trouble. how do you handle a person/situation when no matter what you do or say it is wrong. if someone ask you... "do you like potato chips?" you can answer no and they will call you a liar, you can answer yes and they will say that you are just trying to show up and prove how much you like chips more than the next person. i cant win. so if they will hate me no matter what, how am i supposed to deal with it? does the high road really lead to the right path? is it fair to just let people say or think a certain way even when you know it isn't true?
1bee Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 this is very vague. but it depends on who the person is. you should take the time to sit down and explain to them where you stand and that you are not like how they perceive you to be. and if they still don't understand you then there is nothing else left to do but let them believe what they want. the high road isn't wrong. if you've taken the time to explain yourself and the person still feels the way they do then it's their problem.
Ronni_W Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 For me, we have to 'structure' our lives so that it is as easy as possible to STAY on the high road. And sometimes that does mean making difficult decisions about who we choose to keep in our lives. The kind of relationship that you are describing sounds as if it is demoralizing and soul-sucking for you. No matter who, I have taken detached from those types of relationships -- especially emotionally but also physically as far as I possibly could. For me, the high road is also from where I get to feel good about myself, and have supportive, respectful, dignified relationships and experiences. You certainly are worthy and deserving of those, too!
Author bigmanpayne Posted May 7, 2009 Author Posted May 7, 2009 this is very vague. but it depends on who the person is. you should take the time to sit down and explain to them where you stand and that you are not like how they perceive you to be. and if they still don't understand you then there is nothing else left to do but let them believe what they want. the high road isn't wrong. if you've taken the time to explain yourself and the person still feels the way they do then it's their problem. sorry for being vague. i wont be able to get away from this person/persons in the short run. the problem is that when i do explain myself they still are going to ridicule and belittle me no matter what. never to my face of course, but it does not matter what i do or what i say i will come out as a bad guy i will not be able to just get away from the situation for a little while so i just want to be able to deal with it.
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I think you have to kind of put yourself in a little bubble. Don't let anything negative get into that bubble. Its not easy at all. I can't do it myself! But try to pick apart the negative things this person/these people are saying. It probably stems from jealousy, insecurity, cruelty...but nothing that is a reflection on you.
Author bigmanpayne Posted May 7, 2009 Author Posted May 7, 2009 I think you have to kind of put yourself in a little bubble. Don't let anything negative get into that bubble. Its not easy at all. I can't do it myself! But try to pick apart the negative things this person/these people are saying. It probably stems from jealousy, insecurity, cruelty...but nothing that is a reflection on you. you are right, i just know that it is hard. i have tried putting myself in that bubble and that just makes them try harder to get me out of the bubble. the more i ignore, the louder they yell sometimes i want to just yell right back. i guess i am just complaining about how hard it is. i dont know how to keep the negative all the way out sometimes.
brokenglass Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I'm not sure how everyone else feels or what they've experienced, but with my situation and what I'm going through, I've found that always taking the high road will not only make you feel better about yourself, your actions and your life, but you will attract more respect from those around you, including the people who might be trying to get to you in the first place. In terms of your potato chip analogy, you have to be careful how you word your answers. The best course of action, as always, is to tell the truth. Be specific if you have to. "I like sour cream and onion potato chips, but BBQ potato chips make me want to tear my skin off." When you are genuine and honest, and you believe that you are and never stray from that path, others follow suit and see you for who you really are. If you have a history of not being genuine and honest, then its going to take time for the people who don't trust you anymore to change their minds. But this is possible, I know it to be fact. i dont know how to keep the negative all the way out sometimes. Depending on how long you've been trying to deliberately keep it out, it is very tough at first. But it gets easier, just like everything else we talk about on here. Just give it time and focus. When you have negative thoughts or feelings, you have to make a concerted effort to turn it around immediately, no matter what is going on outside of your mind. It is possible, you just have to believe.
Author bigmanpayne Posted May 7, 2009 Author Posted May 7, 2009 I'm not sure how everyone else feels or what they've experienced, but with my situation and what I'm going through, I've found that always taking the high road will not only make you feel better about yourself, your actions and your life, but you will attract more respect from those around you, including the people who might be trying to get to you in the first place. In terms of your potato chip analogy, you have to be careful how you word your answers. The best course of action, as always, is to tell the truth. Be specific if you have to. "I like sour cream and onion potato chips, but BBQ potato chips make me want to tear my skin off." When you are genuine and honest, and you believe that you are and never stray from that path, others follow suit and see you for who you really are. If you have a history of not being genuine and honest, then its going to take time for the people who don't trust you anymore to change their minds. But this is possible, I know it to be fact. Depending on how long you've been trying to deliberately keep it out, it is very tough at first. But it gets easier, just like everything else we talk about on here. Just give it time and focus. When you have negative thoughts or feelings, you have to make a concerted effort to turn it around immediately, no matter what is going on outside of your mind. It is possible, you just have to believe. i understand what you are trying to say but i disagree with you a little bit. i did have a history of not being open and honest, but i think everyone does. i can only be responsible for myself so i can only change myself. i hate being judged on lying by other liars or judged or another example would be being judged on my health by obese people (just an example btw, lol). thats what is frustrating. everyone that has ever caught me in a lie has told lies and most times bigger lies than i have and are just using me to mask their own crap, and that is what frustrates me. i am doing a lot better with myself since i have decided to make this change and am relatively happy with my life. but what about everyone else? if someone doesnt like me, wouldnt they be happy if they didnt have to worry about me? wouldnt they be happy if i didnt talk to them anymore? if they think my breath stinks, wouldnt they be happy if i didnt blow my stinky breath in their face? i try not to waste my energy on people that i dont care about but if someone is focusing their energy on me in a negative way it is hard to ignore it and just go on with life. no matter how one person is acting it does not give me the right to come back at them and act even worse... and that is what i dont understand. it doesnt matter what i have been, it only matters what i am doing now. one bad action does not justify another. i am not getting on you i am just stating that i dont like letting people off the hook for their bad actions no matter what else is happening. i do like what you said at the end though, thanks
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