BrianG Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Brief background: Together for 5 yrs, she broke up with me about a year and half ago. We have not spoken for 6 months. She sends me a friend request on facebook. I figured what a feeble attempt to start talking. Couple days go by she sends me a message asking how my family and I are doing. I send something brief saying something like doing well, hope you are happy and healthy as well. Then it brought back a bunch of emotions I wanted to forget with her. I still love her dearly, but I am unable to be her friend, (too many feelings for her and I guess I am not over it yet and don't care) but her not being a part of my life is sad. I did something stupid, I wrote a week later saying that I still loved her and her contacting me makes it harder for me to move on so I once again told her that I can't be just friends and to not contact me anymore. I made every mistake in the book when we broke up, begged, pleaded, yada yada yada. I have done so well with not looking on fb, contacting her and slowly but surely I was putting her in the past. I should have just not responded, and now I feel like an idiot. Why do I still care. Sorry just had to get some stuff of my chest and writing is good therapy. Its still hard for her not to be in my life, but I know its over and i have to get past it. I wonder how you can be with friends with an ex whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life to getting a generic friend request on fb. Just bothers me I guess I still regret breaking NC, but hey whatever,
Peter_pan Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 its not your fault mate. you just thought you were stronger than your ready for. time will heal it. although it can also make you feel more lonely if you havnt found anyone else. stay in there bud
Author BrianG Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 Yeah I have been single ever since. Thing is I have been out of the dating game for 6 years now. Saying I am gonna start dating is different then actually doing it if you know what I mean. I'm a good looking guy with a good job, just haven't found anybody yet besides a date once in a blue moon. I'm still not sure exactly how to approach a complete stranger that I'm attracted to. I mainly go out by myself since all of my friends are married or have a serious girlfriend. It can be pretty intimidating walking up to a group of women by yourself. Also, i feel stupid for giving her an ego boost at my expense. I assume she has or is with someone else, just wish it was a little easier for me
Scorpio13c Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Hey Brian, Don't knock yourself out, just know you expressed what you needed to express, now the door is closed on your part. She contacted you & you are only human. Next time she contacts you, don't be so readily emotional. You'll be O.k. man, you just had a Human response! Scorp
Biggie25x Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Yeah, listen to the above post. I had a situation like yours not too long ago. She contacted me and we talked about stuff I wish we didn't. Not emotional but talking about what marriage means to me. I shouldn't have gone there. She knows this already, it's up to her to let me know what the marriage means to HER. BUT like the above poster said, we are only human. We make mistakes. Try not to make it next time. It's always harder to do than to say though. Good luck. Don't let her take your life away form you. Keep up with what has gotten you here. Think about joining a singles group to meet some people maybe. Check out Yahoo personals to maybe date a little. It is hard when you first date. I went on my first one in 12 years on Monday. It was all weird and strange but it's not going to keep me from trying again. Give it a try. She already took enough of your life from you without giving you anything in return. Don't let her take anymore. Keep posting. People here have invaluable advice.
Author BrianG Posted May 7, 2009 Author Posted May 7, 2009 thanks guys, yeah I seriously doubt I will ever hear from her again though, I wont make any contact, and I told her not to contact me anymore. I think things would definetly help if I was dating someone I really liked or dating period I guess. It would really help putting her further in the past. Yeah, I guess I just made a mistake, not like it really matters I guess what she thinks since she will most likely not be a part of my life going forward. I have just have to keep on doing what i am doing and hopefully things will fall into place.
mmk1 Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Brian, I may be out voted here but you did nothing stupid. You replied honestly and directly and I have come to feel that is probably the most important thing to do in relationships and life. If that truly is how you feel, however, hopefully she will respect that. I would not reply again to her though. Otherwise, that was an excellant reply by you!
nolanola Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Please don't beat yourself up to much. You sound like you are doing really well and you should congratulate yourself for how far you've come. You didn't beg or cry and kept your dignity while being honest and true to your feelings. Not a whole lot more that you can ask from yourself. I miss my ex a lot and sometimes long to talk to him. I think about calling or texting him, but I don't. The reason that I don't is that, like you, know that I can't just be his friend. I have come to know myself more and more in this process and know that I can't sit by and listen to him talk about who he's dating or whatever. It would break my heart. I don't want to feel that and I know that the boost I would get from talking to him isn't worth the pain. I think it's wonderful that you've gotten to know yourself so well that can recognize this about yourself. Maybe someday you'll be able to talk to her. Give it time and keep sharing your thoughts. This board is a wonderful resource.
BackonTrack2 Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 the difference between me and you is that when my relationship ended, i managed to get in a few jabs before she hit me with a tire iron. took 1 year to recover, maybe 13-14 months really. anyway, i'm back healed again, and well I know for a 100% certainty, she will not contact me so don't have to worry about that day coming so, yeah bro, you have a couple more months of pain, maybe even a year but you'll get better.. don't talk to her whatever you do.
gogarth Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Brian, You may want to give online dating a try. It's easier than meeting people in bars. Even though you won't make a romantic connection with most people you meet, you'll likely make new single friends who can be activity buddies. Just makes sure you have a good profile with attractive photos. Good luck.
Author BrianG Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 now I kinda feel like an idiot and I am wondering if I handled the situation in a mature way. I nicely told her to not contact me anymore, and to not think I was being rude for ignoring further contact because it was making it harder for me to move on. I basically broke NC to tell her not to contact me anymore. Pretty stupid. Oh well, i already made every mistake in the book with this girl when we broke up, whats one more at this point. I just wish things would have turned out differently, but I guess everyone on here does.
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