Creamontheinside Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 So I've posted on this forum before under a different name and forgot my password. Whoops. I dealt with a controlling, manipulative, I wanna be with you/I don't wanna be with you girlfriend for the past 5 years. This was my first love, my first long term relationship. During these 5 years, I totally lost who I was. I lost touch with all of my friends, putting her first. Now that I broke up with her, I try to get back into my friends lives as much as I can. I've even apologize for placing them second. They understood. This was a girl that moved 1400 miles away from me on the last string only to move 3000 miles to be with me 8 months later. (I moved to Seattle from MN, her to FL from MN. To make a long story short she moved here and we signed a 9 month lease. During the first month that she was here, I noticed that nothing really changed on her part. She was bartending and had a guy call her up to take her out. This really pissed me off. We didnt talk for a few days and she packed her things and left. I pleaded with her to talk this through and she went through with her decision to move back to MN (now living in FL). I went NC instantly. I heard through a friend that she found someone down there and yada ya. I didnt once call her, email her, or any form of contact. I let sleeping dogs lie. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago. It was a mutual friends wedding. I had a feeling that she would be in it. So I show up at church, not making 1 second of eye contact with her. We didnt talk. Later that night we went to the groomsman dinner. I nodded at her acknowledging her presence. After my second time past her she said "come say hi". To which I replied "I already did with a head nod". So we ended up going outside to have a cig (I dont smoke she does). She asked how things were, if I was happy and that second, it hit me. I am happy. I havent dated a girl or pursued any form of relationship. I have been living independently for the past year and half that I was broken up with her. I've found out a lot about myself. What my dreams (which were put on hold) are and everything else. I in turn asked her if she was happy. Her reply ( a IDK shrug followed by the sleeziest smile). Maybe she was maybe she wasnt. She wasnt gonna let her stubbornness fold and show what she really meant. Granted this was after we had a few drinks. So the night went on. She left, I left. Later a girlfriend of my buddies asked what was up with my ex. I asked why. She said she was staring at me all night and that she seen her crying after we talked. I just brushed it off. Wedding day: We were taking pictures. Who does the photographer sit next to me? You guessed it. Her. After pictures we sat alone and talked about a few more things. This time when I asked if she was happy she said yes. If she meant it or not I don't know. I asked how her parents were and she said good and that they'd be at the wedding. Now this is her mom who I havent seen or talked to in 3 years coming to a wedding that she was not really close with the bride or groom. (HUGE GULP). The wedding went on as usual. After the wedding her mom came up and gave me a hug and asked me how I was doing. They heard that my mom moved to Hawaii and that I visited them for awhile. So to the reception we go. I talk to her mom and dad. They were civil. Which was good. The night went on. Her and I went out to my car to talk a little more and she asked why things didnt work out. I told her that I new when she moved out here that they werent going to work out. She said "well thanks for letting me know that now" I said "Not that they wouldnt work, you just rushed out here and I wasnt ready to have a relationship". We talked a little more and she said "So you're happy huh?". I said "Yes, happiest I've been in 5 years". She said "why now?" I replied "time, time was what I needed to get over the **** you pulled on me, time to think and take care of myself" She cried and said she was sorry for what she did on her part. I just left it at that. She had to go to the bathroom so we left the car. Upon the last dance of the night she came and grabbed me and asked to dance. I obliged. It was probably 20 seconds long. Then she asked what we were doing after the reception. I told her I was staying around here(they were going up to a city north of the reception). I said why dont you guys stick around and party with us. She went and asked if this was cool with the other girls and they said they wanted to go back up to the other city. So I said ok well text me. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and left. 20 minutes later she texts me asking if we went to the bar. I said no I tripped over a curb and sprained my ankle. She laughed at it and texted again "ugh God I miss you Bri!!!!" followed by 7 phone calls. I ignored everyone. The next day I was waiting at my gate and texted her "sorry I missed your calls, my phone was going dead and was charging and by the time it was able to make calls it was 4 am". I got no reply. The next day she texted me back that "it was good seeing me and to take care". I told her straight up. " Let this be a stroke to your ego but I dont think I've ever stopped loving you" What I meant by this is, I love this girl, no doubt, but not as I want to pursue a relationship with her. I learned a lot from the relationship and how to act and feel during different scenarios. I told her that I'm probably doing more harm that good because she has a boyfriend. I asked if she really did miss me and she replied "yes and its really hard". I said well make it easy. She said she would call me when she got back home. Havent heard from her since. This was a week ago. I'm not sitting her waiting for her to call. I'm not playing her games that I'm not gonna call her and all those other games we played post relationship. I look at it as "it is what it is". She hasnt changed a bit. Calling me 7 times drunk. You and I know damn well it wasnt just to talk. She wanted me to come up, fool around, then blame it on the alcohol when and if her boyfriend ever found out(he wasnt at the wedding). This hasnt changed one bit in her. I guess what I'm trying to get at is, sure you may love and idolize your ex. I did for a year and a half. It was just good to talk civilized with her, which we never did. And it ended on a good note for once, which is all I can ask. I no longer feel like an *******. All of her friends were cordial with me, when i thought it would be the opposite. I came out of it as a better man and grew from it. If 5 years down the road our paths cross, I'll take it from there. But for now I am not pinning for her or begging or pleading. And I'm doing this all as a single man. Not a desperate fool who had his heart ripped out. I just want to thank Caliguy for his words of encouragement. All of us that have lost love are up against a brick wall and can't see it for what it is. Once you step back from this wall things start becoming clearer. A cliche as it sounds. There is hope people. I am living proof.
Peter_pan Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 nice outcome mate. when i finally saw my ex after a year, emotions flooded out. i told her what i thought of how she treated me at the end (pretty rough) she cried and ran off i tried to go after and apologise and tell her i am glad she is happy. 4 weeks later email her asking if this was still her email address. her bf (the one she chose over me) emailed back. i didnt read it. deleted it and never heard from her or him again. what do you think is the right thing for me to do> i admire your braveness. and i would like to let her know i am sorry for having a go at her. would like to end things once and for all on a good note. but it seems impossible since she is still with him
Author Creamontheinside Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 I would say emotions flooded out as well in me. I think you should just leave it be. Obviously you love this girl still or you wouldnt be here. But the fact of the matter remains. She is with another guy. You and I both have this small part in our brain that we want them back. What I think is we want the challenge. We love challenge. Everyone loves a challenge. We never like to fail. Failure sucks. We just want to tell our concious that we werent wrong. Nobody is 100% wrong. She apologized to me before anything was said. That was weight off my shoulder. Of course different scenarios for different people will have different outcomes. Love unconditionally for your own piece of mind. Thats what I've learned to do. I've also had friends tell me that she's trying to form him into a person like me. Trying to get him to like the same things I liked. Its quite sad. She even told me that she talks to a therapist and takes meds still. I do neither. Maybe I'm too stubborn but I'm a guy who fixes things by himself. She also said that she wished that we could have did couples counseling cause when she talks to her therapist she feels like 1 side of the story is missing. I told her therapists are taught to not be biased. She said it would be better if it were both of us there. She also said that she missed our apartment (which she lived in for 4 days). I laughed and asked why and she said cause it was our own little place. Now you tell me what you would say to a statement like that? Im hard headed to say the least, but overall turned out pretty good. I'll check in often here. Cheers.
Author Creamontheinside Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 And just keep listening to Kanye . Thats proof that no matter how rich you are, money can never buy you happiness.
Peter_pan Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 yeah nice1 cream. yeh well as i say i tried to go after her and say something, but she pushed me away and told me to get the f off her. she then went outside and spoke on the phone with him. then left early. im glad i got it off my chest. i knew id never get an apology but actions speak louder than words and although i was giving it everything i got i think the words were more effective than my tone. either way you are right i am going to let it be. but if the chance comes up and she isnt with him i shall drop her an email. or perhaps i wont even bother. i used to be really stubborn to. but time changed that. ur ex is clearly hung up on you. glad she apologized that must have been nice.
SimplyIzzy2010 Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 You are definitely inspiring! I hope to be in your shoes one day. Would you mind reading my threads and giving me advice? You're a guy and you've achieved what we're all trying to here, and I think your advice would be great! Thanks!
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