mr.dream merchant Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 phrases today. "You don't make me feel special anymore" and "I'm beginning to lose feelings". Am I worried? A little bit, not too much though. I'm young, and I'm attractive so I know there will be plenty of other beautiful women in my life after this relationship, if it doesn't last. Problem is, I've been unemployed. So trying to hold onto money is probably a major reason why she feels unloved. She knows I'm unemployed but I figure she's used to the spontaneous flowers at her desk at work, the romantic dinners, the hotel getaways...I can't do those things anymore. All the cheap romantic things like ice skating, walk on the beach, picnics - she never wants to. Besides all that we've been arguing...yes again, I know I know. And lo and behold, about her lack of respect for me, my lack of respect for her, its just a wonderful marry-go-round of bull****. I told her that it feels like I got the short end of the stick, like I'm a punching bag for her to take out her inner Queen Bitch on. She says talk to her in a mean way, she feels like a piece of **** on the ground. When we argue, she wants me to be scared, panicked, puppy dog mode where I'm begging for her forgiveness, blowing up her cell phone - but that's not me, not at all. When we argue, I'd rather just have no contact until both of us are calm. She wants me to call her while she's still fuming so she can take it out on me and expect me to just deal with it. But again, its not me. I'm the kind of person where, if you're upset with me, and you're fuming with me, then I don't want anything to do with you at that moment, because if you don't want anything to do with me, why should want anything to do with you? Its like an eye for an eye kind of thing. I've had people tell me kill her with kindness but I can't bring myself to do it. I can't be the one spewing out tons of love and kindness when all I'm gonna get rained on by a cloud of anger. I'll just feel dumb, like all that kindness was for nothing, or only to stroke her ego and make her feel like she's got me by the balls. The more I look at it, our arguments turn into power trips. She wants me to get on my knees, I want her to get on my level. Is this how its gotta be in a relationship? Is this really the key to keeping a women? Doing what she wants all the time? Because that isn't me. I'll make you feel good, I'll compliment you, do romantic things for you, but I WILL NOT be your puppet. And it feels like the only reason I'm losing this chick is because I'm not her puppet. The whole losing feelings and whatever else thing, its just...blah to me now. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't expecting this for almost the entire span of our relationship. We're just too incompatible, or maybe I'm just not bendable enough for her. In terms of not making her feel special, what could I have done? Being unemployed today is pretty tough, I'm starting a new job tomorrow at a place I'm not proud to say, but hey, its a job, its dough for now. But the things she wants, its crazy to me sometimes. Like that new 400 dollar necklace from Kay's Jewelry, that open heart thing with diamonds and gold, cruises for a week, this and that. I'm 20 years old. And I'm a full time student. I've got bills to pay, I have to pay for books. I'll be working part time. To be honest, over the span of this relationship I've bee left with no dough to spend on myself. It got broken up into: 1. Money on her 2. Bills 3. Books 4. Gas Money That's it. I never understood it because she has a full-time job making almost twice what I do an hour. I told her that we're at the point now where it should be 50/50, the spending when we go out. You pay for this date, I pay for the next. She got upset, claiming that she's never in her life had to discuss that with a guy, they were always happy to fork out money for everything. I told her I've got bills to pay. She said she did to: 1. Get the hair done 2. Get the nails done 3. Get the pedicure done 4. Shopping 5. Bills 6. Gas (Btw its always me driving 24 to see her, she's never once came to pick me up and take me anywhere) I wanted this to be a post about what I could've done better, because I know there's alot. I'm open to anything, except for attack posts fueled by feminism. I've so over those.
donnamaybe Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 She made more than you and expected YOU to pay for EVERYTHING?! ICK! Good riddance, I'd be sayin'
GorillaTheater Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 How about the "run for your friggin' life!" posts? Or are you tired of hearing that?
bean1 Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 You complain SO MUCH about your girlfriend, I'm not sure why this is a suprise to you?
Author mr.dream merchant Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 You complain SO MUCH about your girlfriend, I'm not sure why this is a suprise to you? It isn't to be honest, I saw it coming down the road a long time ago. But I'm a bit confused, are you implying that my complaining about her drove the relationship to this point? Or that I shouldn't be surprised because I've been somewhat unhappy with her for a while now?
carhill Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 GoldPile, where are you? Seriously, MDM, and I say this as someone who got the life (and assets) sucked out of him, don't be me
Author mr.dream merchant Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 She made more than you and expected YOU to pay for EVERYTHING?! ICK! Good riddance, I'd be sayin' Yeah we argued about that alot actually. One day she had the nerve to call me cheap and said: "Don't have a GF then if you can't afford one." When I bring up the fact that I'm unemployed, you know, to remind her because I swear she forgets she hits me with this one that always makes me laugh: "My last bf was unemployed and he used to buy me expensive things all the time. He bought me a 500 dollar purse one time as well." I laugh because she, and her last boyfriend, live in the upper-middle class range. I come from a lower-middle class family. So money's tight around here. I already know where her BF was getting that money from because she told me his family was rich.
bean1 Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 It isn't to be honest, I saw it coming down the road a long time ago. But I'm a bit confused, are you implying that my complaining about her drove the relationship to this point? Or that I shouldn't be surprised because I've been somewhat unhappy with her for a while now? A little of both. You haven't been happy with her for a while and I'm sure she picked up on it. No relationship is 100% one-sided in its destruction. Your relationship is clearly over but if you aren't willing to admit it, then she will have to take those steps. If a woman says she no longer has feelings and you don't make me feel special - it is OVER.
Kamille Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 she's high maintenance. Any perticular reason why you'de be attracted or attracting high maintenance ladies? I'm asking because I can't help wonder if the power struggle you mention isn't based on the fact that you both see dating as a "status" thing: you like her because she's arm candy; she likes you because you buy her things. On the other hand, you need to keep asserting your masculinity by not giving in to her demands, or else you fear you'll lose your power. It just doesn't sound like a partnership to me - more of a mutual ego-enhancing device.
manugeorge Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 So after all this, why are you justifying her behavior by staying with her? Is her vagina laced with gold or something?
donnamaybe Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Yeah we argued about that alot actually. One day she had the nerve to call me cheap and said: "Don't have a GF then if you can't afford one." When I bring up the fact that I'm unemployed, you know, to remind her because I swear she forgets she hits me with this one that always makes me laugh: "My last bf was unemployed and he used to buy me expensive things all the time. He bought me a 500 dollar purse one time as well." I laugh because she, and her last boyfriend, live in the upper-middle class range. I come from a lower-middle class family. So money's tight around here. I already know where her BF was getting that money from because she told me his family was rich. OMG! Are you a freakin' doormat? Dump the little money grubber!
Author mr.dream merchant Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 It kind of bothers me honestly, because her, her sister, and all of her friends feel this same way. They expect their boyfriend to pay for everything, regardless of how much he makes, what other bills/finances he has to pay. Its discouraging to be honest, it makes me wanna play the bench instead of being in the dating game. As a young man, there's things I want to do for me you know? I want crisp pairs of jordans, I want a nice system in my car. They may sound dumb but I shouldn't be left with nothing to spend on myself, regardless of how much I make.
manugeorge Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 It kind of bothers me honestly, because her, her sister, and all of her friends feel this same way. They expect their boyfriend to pay for everything, regardless of how much he makes, what other bills/finances he has to pay. Its discouraging to be honest, it makes me wanna play the bench instead of being in the dating game. As a young man, there's things I want to do for me you know? I want crisp pairs of jordans, I want a nice system in my car. They may sound dumb but I shouldn't be left with nothing to spend on myself, regardless of how much I make. So who are you complaining to? Her and her sister and friends make up the female population in the world? You can't look elsewhere for a NON gold digger? It's so annoying when people insist on wallowing in their misery complaining about something that will take a snap of the fingers to change.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 she's high maintenance. Any perticular reason why you'de be attracted or attracting high maintenance ladies? I'm asking because I can't help wonder if the power struggle you mention isn't based on the fact that you both see dating as a "status" thing: you like her because she's arm candy; she likes you because you buy her things. On the other hand, you need to keep asserting your masculinity by not giving in to her demands, or else you fear you'll lose your power. It just doesn't sound like a partnership to me - more of a mutual ego-enhancing device. She didn't seem so high maintenance when we first starting dating. And you're right, that's what its come to because I've learned not to give her what she wants. She abuses it when she knows she can get it. If I do something for her, I feel good about myself, I feel good to see her happy. But at the same time, she starts demanding more and more. That's when we butt heads. She takes my kindness for weakness and tries to take advantage of it. As a result, I'm careful of doing things for her.
bean1 Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 How long have you been unemployed? Do you go to school? I would lose respect for a partner who didn't work and didn't at least go to school as the alternative.
GorillaTheater Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 It kind of bothers me honestly, because her, her sister, and all of her friends feel this same way. They expect their boyfriend to pay for everything, regardless of how much he makes, what other bills/finances he has to pay. Its discouraging to be honest, it makes me wanna play the bench instead of being in the dating game. As a young man, there's things I want to do for me you know? I want crisp pairs of jordans, I want a nice system in my car. They may sound dumb but I shouldn't be left with nothing to spend on myself, regardless of how much I make. Don't take this wrong, I'm being sincere: in every post you make here (except those about the gf), you come across as a smart guy who has it far more together than I did at 20. But when you post about her, you come across as a complete dope. The bench? MOST women aren't like this, so forget about forgetting about women. And wise up.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 So who are you complaining to? Her and her sister and friends make up the female population in the world? You can't look elsewhere for a NON gold digger? It's so annoying when people insist on wallowing in their misery complaining about something that will take a snap of the fingers to change. Anybody who cares to read it I guess. I was looking to see I'm not alone in feeling like she's absurd in her demands/wants. But also, I was looking for things I possibly could've did better. One thing is being more romantic on a budget.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 I've been unemployed for 2 months now. I go to school full-time. But my funds I had in my savings got swallowed up pretty quick in those two months.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 You'd spoiled her too much and now she's taking advantage of you. I would never put myself in a position to have a guy pay for everything unless they truly insisted, and that's only for dinner. But your gf is forcing you to pay for her living expenses, and her tastes are expensive. I wonder if she pees godiva chocolate or something? Why do you put up with her? If she can't understand the kind of position you're in right now, how will you expect her to see it further on in the future.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 There's days where it feels like she's making changes you know? Then I get hit by everything I hate about her again. Its a marry-go-round. Its like "Oh good, she's doing okay, I'll stay.....Oh god not again, **** I wanna bounce" Like I can't make up my mind, should I stay or should I go kind of thing.
manugeorge Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Anybody who cares to read it I guess. I was looking to see I'm not alone in feeling like she's absurd in her demands/wants. But also, I was looking for things I possibly could've did better. One thing is being more romantic on a budget. Being romantic on a budget includes back-rubs, massages, home cooked meals, picnics, wake-up calls to say I love you, tivo-ing her favorite show, sending her hand-written notes/poems, I could go on. Romance doesn't include stretching out your budget to buy kay jewelers necklaces (can we say tacky), cruises and whatever else.
GorillaTheater Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 There's days where it feels like she's making changes you know? Then I get hit by everything I hate about her again. Its a marry-go-round. Its like "Oh good, she's doing okay, I'll stay.....Oh god not again, **** I wanna bounce" Like I can't make up my mind, should I stay or should I go kind of thing. You're in a toxic relationship with little if any chance of improvement, and you know it. May not matter, sounds like she's on the cusp of breaking things off herself. And after the pain of that fades, you'll thank your lucky f*cking stars.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 There's days where it feels like she's making changes you know? Then I get hit by everything I hate about her again. Its a marry-go-round. Its like "Oh good, she's doing okay, I'll stay.....Oh god not again, **** I wanna bounce" Like I can't make up my mind, should I stay or should I go kind of thing. I remember when I was with an ex, and he had these nasty habits. Smoking, being lazy, etc. I kept reminding him to change. Yes, there were days that were great and I could overlook things, but when I count how many of those bad days accumulated over the good, I had to make a decision. So make up your mind. Or else you're only prolonging your own suffering.
stace79 Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Dude, seriously... I am a girl, and this makes me want to throw up. I HATE women like this. And yet somehow, relatively decent to great guys still kiss their asses and want to be with them. I don't get it. Then the girls like me, who are happy with the "little" and "cheap" things you mention, we get scraps. We get guys who "forget" their wallet on a date. Or guys who pay but then expect something in return. Drop that girl. Seriously. You are wasting your time. If you stay in that relationship, you are doomed. If she wants someone with a neverending ATM card, tell her to marry a doctor or lawyer.
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