pandagirl Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I feel like there is a lot of misinformation about depression going on in this thread. Yes, you can take anti-depressants for a short-term sort of thing, like a divorce or a death. People's bodies react different and have different chemistry. One person may need a little psychotherapy and time to get over something, and another person may experience profound depression, in which meds would help. I have suffered mild to moderate depression for pretty much my entire life. I am actually a very well-adjusted person, who is not crazy and most people would never guess I take meds, but I finally started taking Lexapro 2-3 months ago after being in therapy for a year. I realized I could not control my depressive episodes -- it is biological. Most of my friends know I take meds. They don't judge, but these are people I trust. I just don't think anyone should be so quick to judge peoples' actions when it comes to very personal matters. I would definitely tell a SO that I am taking anti-depressants, but not until I felt the relationship was going somewhere and that I trusted him.
laRubiaBonita Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I feel like there is a lot of misinformation about depression going on in this thread. i agree 100%! Yes, you can take anti-depressants for a short-term sort of thing, like a divorce or a death. People's bodies react different and have different chemistry. One person may need a little psychotherapy and time to get over something, and another person may experience profound depression, in which meds would help. I have suffered mild to moderate depression for pretty much my entire life. I am actually a very well-adjusted person, who is not crazy and most people would never guess I take meds, but I finally started taking Lexapro 2-3 months ago after being in therapy for a year. I realized I could not control my depressive episodes -- it is biological. Most of my friends know I take meds. They don't judge, but these are people I trust. I just don't think anyone should be so quick to judge peoples' actions when it comes to very personal matters. I would definitely tell a SO that I am taking anti-depressants, but not until I felt the relationship was going somewhere and that I trusted him. i agree again as well. i have dealt with mild and major depression mixed in with anorexia and bulimia- i took paxil, then zoloft, then found prozac which was my life saver.... literally. also had to do lots of in-patient and out-patient treament, cognative, behavioral, and almost any other thereapy you could think of... a good 3-4 years of my life. i do not take anything currently, nor am i in any treatment.... i am good yes, i do still have issues with food and my mother- but i work through it now. and like panda said, only my closest friends and family know- otherwise it's no one elses business- and it does not effect my relationships. in the past i only told guys i dated after it was a serious relationship... the guys i dated casually, which never turned into anything had no need to know at that point.
climbergirl Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 There is situational depression which usually goes away when the negative situation has been eliminated or improved. Some people don't even use antidepressants, they solve it through their diet and exercise. Sorry, but Cherished is very much correct here. From a subjective standpoint: I've never been depressed-even through very rough spots I've tried to twist it around and see the positive. However, the last year I went through my mom's breast cancer, my daughter's surgery, ended engagement, standing at the lake waiting for my nephew to be found, but instead he was pulled out of the lake, a marriage AND a divorce. Not to mention all the other minutiae, like being in school full time, 6 kids with my recent marriage. So hell yes, it can be situational. And yes, I went on antidepressants and have no problem admiting that to anyone. Off them for two months and feel great. Objective standpoint-Exercise does alleviate symptoms-look up the studies. 3 groups-on antidepressants alone, antidepressants and exercise, exercise alone. antidepressants together with exercise had the best recovery rate (loss of symptoms), but exercise alone had the least relapse rate (8%).
CandyGirlXO Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Don't be ashamed of who you are. I am not sure, but this might be easy for you to do. Maybe your life hasn't been all that horrible. Not trying to assume things here, but just saying; for some its just not that easy. For me I used to disclose a lot more when I was younger, but now that I am older my walls are up. I have had a pretty tough life, and it takes me a while to disclose certain things. For me its partly because I am scared of losing him, I don't want him to run for the hills, to feel sorry for me, to treat me differently, or to start assuming. Through time I am sure I will disclose more. Some of the things I disclose right away are of course past relationships; how many and why they ended. Some of the things I do not disclose right away and have not yet almost 5 months in; my step-dad borderline molested me from ages 4-12; a doctor has told me I was bipolar type II, I do not currently take meds for it, but I am a depressive person. Bipolar to me is a tough one to talk about because the media likes to make bipolar seem like a crazy mentall illness, where you look like a schiz, but type II is not like that at all. I don't want him to think I am a crazy, because I know I am not. I also have disclosed that my parents are drug addicts in a small sense. I mean they are; addicted to pain medication, BUT he does not know exactly the extent. The fact that they own no possessions, have no retirement, have no jobs, have bascially nothing, and I at 26 have to financially help them out, and I know it will be like that forever. I recently told him how abusive my real father was, but I did not disclose the fact that he broke my mothers back and that is why now she is disabled. He knows she has medical problems, but doesn't know the extent. She barely has any teeth. I have disclosed that I am "poor" but not have disclosed that sometimes we go without water and electricity. I have not disclosed that I was molested when I was 12 by a marine; friend of my step-dad and we had a court case. The guy got kicked out of the military; went to jail and was on probation for a long time. I don't know for me, I try REALLY hard not to make ALL our time together and ALL of our phone conversations to be depressing. I have had a ****ED up life. I can go on and on about it, but I choose not to, because I am a good person. I put myself through college, I try to seem "normal" in society, and act like I have this picture perfect family. Because well, I am ashamed. Don't judge me, or people that don't disclose right away. I recently told him that I once did amateur night and stripped at a club once, I just got broken up with from a LTR, and I was depressed. I told him that after we have been exclusive for 4 months. So far, he hasn't judged me and he accepts me for who I am. So far......... Little by little, thats all.
climbergirl Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 I am not sure, but this might be easy for you to do. Maybe your life hasn't been all that horrible. Not trying to assume things here, but just saying; for some its just not that easy. For me I used to disclose a lot more when I was younger, but now that I am older my walls are up. I have had a pretty tough life, and it takes me a while to disclose certain things. For me its partly because I am scared of losing him, I don't want him to run for the hills, to feel sorry for me, to treat me differently, or to start assuming. Through time I am sure I will disclose more. Some of the things I disclose right away are of course past relationships; how many and why they ended. Some of the things I do not disclose right away and have not yet almost 5 months in; my step-dad borderline molested me from ages 4-12; a doctor has told me I was bipolar type II, I do not currently take meds for it, but I am a depressive person. Bipolar to me is a tough one to talk about because the media likes to make bipolar seem like a crazy mentall illness, where you look like a schiz, but type II is not like that at all. I don't want him to think I am a crazy, because I know I am not. I also have disclosed that my parents are drug addicts in a small sense. I mean they are; addicted to pain medication, BUT he does not know exactly the extent. The fact that they own no possessions, have no retirement, have no jobs, have bascially nothing, and I at 26 have to financially help them out, and I know it will be like that forever. I recently told him how abusive my real father was, but I did not disclose the fact that he broke my mothers back and that is why now she is disabled. He knows she has medical problems, but doesn't know the extent. She barely has any teeth. I have disclosed that I am "poor" but not have disclosed that sometimes we go without water and electricity. I have not disclosed that I was molested when I was 12 by a marine; friend of my step-dad and we had a court case. The guy got kicked out of the military; went to jail and was on probation for a long time. I don't know for me, I try REALLY hard not to make ALL our time together and ALL of our phone conversations to be depressing. I have had a ****ED up life. I can go on and on about it, but I choose not to, because I am a good person. I put myself through college, I try to seem "normal" in society, and act like I have this picture perfect family. Because well, I am ashamed. Don't judge me, or people that don't disclose right away. I recently told him that I once did amateur night and stripped at a club once, I just got broken up with from a LTR, and I was depressed. I told him that after we have been exclusive for 4 months. So far, he hasn't judged me and he accepts me for who I am. So far......... Little by little, thats all. I hope you don't mind this, but I want to say a few things about your post. First off, a lot of the fears stem from assuming that the other person has misinformation and/or a stereotype about whatever condition one might has. Hence, the 'little by little'. Secondly, given what you have and are going through, you must know what a strong person you are. I admire that. Bipolar-I know you already know this, but have to put it out there...it's a mood disorder that is highly receptive to treatment. It's in no way like schiz or personality disorders. Those need a myriad of treatments. I get why you would be apprehensive to disclose so early, but I really think that the right person will stick by you and try to understand your disorder.
CandyGirlXO Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 I hope you don't mind this, but I want to say a few things about your post. First off, a lot of the fears stem from assuming that the other person has misinformation and/or a stereotype about whatever condition one might has. Hence, the 'little by little'. Secondly, given what you have and are going through, you must know what a strong person you are. I admire that. Bipolar-I know you already know this, but have to put it out there...it's a mood disorder that is highly receptive to treatment. It's in no way like schiz or personality disorders. Those need a myriad of treatments. I get why you would be apprehensive to disclose so early, but I really think that the right person will stick by you and try to understand your disorder. Thanks, I do appreciate that. See mine even goes further, and its just so hard. It has been 4-5 months since we have been exclusive, and he has yet to meet my mom and step-dad, or even come over to my house. Well, the main reason is because currently I am living at my parents house. My dad is away trying to get help with his addiction, so I am here helping my disabled mother, doing errands for her and keeping the house cleaned, etc.... So he has not been here, and I am hesitant to that. My mom is just getting worse and worse, sometimes she is okay, other times she is so out of it from her meds. I never know. Plus the house is a mess do to her being disabled, and being a pack rat. She also smokes a lot, so the place stinks. I am not sure how weird that is, to be exclusive for that long and still never meeting the parents or seeing my place, but he has never bought it up. Instead we just go to his place all the time. I don't mind at all. I mean if I had a good family, I would have introduced him right away, but unfortunately thats just not the case. Sorry, didn't mean to be a thread stealer, but this whole disclosing thing in this relationship especially has been a big concern for me. This is the first time I have been so secretive/hesitant to open myself up with someone. Mainly because I just like him so much. I also work with him, and at work I try once again to act like I have this normal family. I mean everyone talks about getting together with their families for holidays etc... they ask me all the time what I am doing. I have to make up crap. Make up plans, to seem normal. Its hard to open up to him, because he is also a co-worker. I don't know its so hard to explain and put into words.
Okfine Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Some people use antidepressants to get out of a bad point in life. I've heard that some traumatic experiences could be so harmful that the brain chemistry changes once you go into a deep depression therefore the only way to equalize the chemistry in the brain is to even it out with a periodic dose of antidepressants. Whomever said people do not need to take antidepressants for short periods of time because most people just "get over" trauma, they should leave their confined existence and see how the real world functions.Also some anti-depressants are prescribed to cure chronic pain such as migraine and tension headaches. I don't think the person taking the medication needs to disclose their personal medical history in a new relationship. We're talking antidepressants it's no different than being on pain killers, they are just coping aids. If you see too many negative traits that get in the way of the relationship perhaps you should re-evaluate why you are with such person. But basing a relationship of meds alone is pretty shallow.
MissDumperUlv2h8 Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 I was on zoloft, not for depression but for anxiety. I was doing a lot of job interviews and was sweating through my dress shirts and wasn't relaxed and performing as I should have. It could be as simple or not simple as that.
MeaganRaye Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Yeah, you should defintely tell your partner. I take lexapro for my depresson and if I got a boyfriend I would have to tell him because once my medication wears off I am :mad:
Cherished Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 Not wrong. Some people just need them for "situational" depression. Also I still don't necessarily consider depression a mental illness. It's really just a matter of semantics, opinion, and situation. I have no problem admitting I have snooped in B/f's med cabinet...if I saw he was taking Zoloft, I would be somewhat relieved that he is receiving the help he needs. Wrong. Many people have to stay on anti-d's their whole life - diet and exercise don't cut it. To answer the OP's question - she has not told you yet because she is uncomfortable discussing this personal issue with someone she's known for a relatively short period of time.
mental_traveller Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 No - I wouldn't tell anyone anything about me unless I wanted to. No one has any right to know my private business.
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