Do you tell your SO if you're on anti-depressants.

[era]

Been dating a few months' date=' and snooped into the medicine cabinet. GF is on Zoloft. [/quote']

 

I have no problem admitting I have snooped in B/f's med cabinet...if I saw he was taking Zoloft, I would be somewhat relieved that he is receiving the help he needs.

 

I don't necessarily consider depression a mental illness

 

Wrong.

 

Many people have to stay on anti-d's their whole life - diet and exercise don't cut it.

 

To answer the OP's question - she has not told you yet because she is uncomfortable discussing this personal issue with someone she's known for a relatively short period of time.

[Lindarose84]

I don't take any medication. As previously expressed, I've owned up to allergies, the near rape, and my ex-Hs infidelity.

 

As far as I know, none have left due to those disclosures but who knows, maybe that's what your problems were, since you enjoyed making things up without talking about them.

 

None of these are things a SO could judge you for. Depression has such a negative connotation to it that most people would judge (whether that's right or not is another debate) you for that and look at you quite differently.

 

Hypothetically, if you were a prostitute back in your teenage years, would you admit that to your SO too? And if he decided he wasn't cool with that (as most guys would not be), I guess you would be relieved to have found out he didn't accept you for you and you would go ahead and look for someone who would accept your prostituting past? (Good luck on that one).

 

My point is, I don't know that it's worth giving up a great relationship so early in the interest of disclosing something so personal that a huge percentage of the population would have an opinion about just for the sake of being "open and honest". Some things are best kept private early in the relationship. As I said before, I think once marriage comes into the picture, I would think disclosing that would be good because then you know that that person is actually willing to accept you for better or for worse.

[Trialbyfire]

None of these are things a SO could judge you for. Depression has such a negative connotation to it that most people would judge (whether that's right or not is another debate) you for that and look at you quite differently.

 

Hypothetically, if you were a prostitute back in your teenage years, would you admit that to your SO too? And if he decided he wasn't cool with that (as most guys would not be), I guess you would be relieved to have found out he didn't accept you for you and you would go ahead and look for someone who would accept your prostituting past? (Good luck on that one).

 

My point is, I don't know that it's worth giving up a great relationship so early in the interest of disclosing something so personal that a huge percentage of the population would have an opinion about just for the sake of being "open and honest". Some things are best kept private early in the relationship. As I said before, I think once marriage comes into the picture, I would think disclosing that would be good because then you know that that person is actually willing to accept you for better or for worse.

I don't do things I would be ashamed of disclosing, so your point is moot. This doesn't mean I've ever and currently been an angel. Not even close. I've just stuck to and enforced my personal ethical boundaries. For things I have no control over, there's no reason to be ashamed of it.

[Isolde]

If the medication is helping someone battle depression and not being used as a crutch, then they most likely do have a chemical imbalance, which is a fact and nothing to be ashamed of. Some people being treated for depression are perfectly capable of sustaining a relationship; others aren't and may have other mental problems as well.

[Isolde]

I don't do things I would be ashamed of disclosing, so your point is moot. This doesn't mean I've ever and currently been an angel. Not even close. I've just stuck to and enforced my personal ethical boundaries. For things I have no control over, there's no reason to be ashamed of it.

 

It takes some people a bit longer to develop their ethical boundaries than you developed yours, TBF. I'm not saying I don't believe you that you have no regrets about your choices; I just feel you're the lucky exception and most people have at least one thing they'd be hesitant telling a SO.

[Trialbyfire]

It takes some people a bit longer to develop their ethical boundaries than you developed yours, TBF. I'm not criticizing you, I just feel you're the lucky exception and most people have at least one thing they'd be hesitant telling a SO.

A secret can only hurt you if it's kept a shameful secret. If an SO is going to take what I've revealed and use it against me, it's their problem not mine. I see it as good reason to eject them from my life.

[Isolde]

True. Honestly, I can't even fathom having that level of trust, for anyone beyond my immediate family and perhaps my best friend.

[Trialbyfire]

It seems to be the consistency in this thread, that people can't or won't trust their SO to this degree. For me, without this element of trust, it's not a viable long-term relationship. IMO, every hit and true recovery from it, makes you a stronger person, while at the same time providing you with the benefits of a deep, intimate connection.

[Lindarose84]

I don't do things I would be ashamed of disclosing, so your point is moot. This doesn't mean I've ever and currently been an angel. Not even close. I've just stuck to and enforced my personal ethical boundaries. For things I have no control over, there's no reason to be ashamed of it.

 

The hypothetical I posed didn't necessarily have to apply to you- I used it to show that your logic may, in some cases, be flawed, so in that sense, my point was not moot- it was a validly made point. There are certain things worth holding back from a partner, like taking depression medications, at least in the early stages of your relationship. You basically made it so cut and dry saying that you should reveal everything otherwise you come off as untrustworthy and that it's better to find out if someone is going to judge you so you can dump them. Yet you use personal examples of things no one would possibly judge you for.

 

You say you can just "eject" someone out of your life when he would judge you for something most people are going to judge you for (i.e. prostituting, depression). If I prostituted in the past, I honestly wouldn't blame a guy for judging me because I would judge myself. Because of that, I wouldn't be so quick to reveal that information until I knew that he really would accept me for better or for worse (i.e. marriage).

[laRubiaBonita]

It seems to be the consistency in this thread, that people can't or won't trust their SO to this degree. For me, without this element of trust, it's not a viable long-term relationship. IMO, every hit and true recovery from it, makes you a stronger person, while at the same time providing you with the benefits of a deep, intimate connection.

 

the OP's relationship is just a few months old...... not a viable LTR, that is the difference

[bean1]

I don't agree that everything should be disclosed to a partner (ie. some past events that occurred long before meeting), but something as serious as depression is not something that you can "hide". People can and do often experience bouts of depression more than once, some chronically, and that can have quite the impact on a relationship. Something so serious is something that should be disclosed.

[laRubiaBonita]

also- we don't know why this woman is even taking or took zoloft..... depression is the most obvious answer, but as i said before there are other uses for zoloft such as:

social anxiety conditions, posttraumatic stress disorder, panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and premenstrual dysphoric disorder ...

 

maybe she becomes mega-b!tch when she's pms-ing....

[Trialbyfire]

the OP's relationship is just a few months old...... not a viable LTR, that is the difference

And without disclosure, it's never going to be a viable LTR.

 

LindaRose, it's blatantly obvious we see this from different perspectives. The things I've revealed can easily be twisted and used against me. It's already happened enough times on LS. Psychos will do what psychos will do, so it's not worth getting upset over.

 

Straight up. Let's take a mental illness like schizophrenia. It's hereditary. Do you keep that a secret, until after someone is heavily invested in you to the point of proposing and you're aware they want a family? This is a question of ethics. Where do you stand?

[Lindarose84]

I don't agree that everything should be disclosed to a partner (ie. some past events that occurred long before meeting), but something as serious as depression is not something that you can "hide". People can and do often experience bouts of depression more than once, some chronically, and that can have quite the impact on a relationship. Something so serious is something that should be disclosed.

 

The difference here is that the OP's girlfriend is taking medications and being treated for it, so the chances of her depression impacting the relationship are nil since she sought treatment and probably wouldn't be going through those bouts. That's why I don't think, especially this early on, she should have to reveal anything to him.

[Lindarose84]

And without disclosure, it's never going to be a viable LTR.

 

LindaRose, it's blatantly obvious we see this from different perspectives. The things I've revealed can easily be twisted and used against me. It's already happened enough times on LS. Psychos will do what psychos will do, so it's not worth getting upset over.

 

Straight up. Let's take a mental illness like schizophrenia. It's hereditary. Do you keep that a secret, until after someone is heavily invested in you to the point of proposing and you're aware they want a family? This is a question of ethics. Where do you stand?

 

Yes, we definitely do see this issue differently, which is good because that's what makes LS a great site- some good ol' fashion healthy discourse.

 

With regards to the schizophrenia, the difference between that and taking medications for depression is that the latter won't physically affect another human being- it's just physically affecting the person taking them. When you're dealing with something that will have a physical effect on someone else (be it the SO or a child you guys may have) then there is a duty to disclose. However, here, taking meds for depression doesn't hurt anyone. So why should I need to disclose that so early in the relationship?? Taking it to another level, it's like taking meds for HIV...um of course there is a duty to disclose that because of the fact that your partner has a right to know that he (and any children you may have) will be at risk of being physically affected by the illness.

[Trialbyfire]

Yes, we definitely do see this issue differently, which is good because that's what makes LS a great site- some good ol' fashion healthy discourse.

 

With regards to the schizophrenia, the difference between that and taking medications for depression is that the latter won't physically affect another human being- it's just physically affecting the person taking them. When you're dealing with something that will have a physical effect on someone else (be it the SO or a child you guys may have) then there is a duty to disclose. However, here, taking meds for depression doesn't hurt anyone. So why should I need to disclose that so early in the relationship?? Taking it to another level, it's like taking meds for HIV...um of course there is a duty to disclose that because of the fact that your partner has a right to know that he (and any children you may have) will be at risk of being physically affected by the illness.

Explain how you feel that schizophrenia is any different than bipolar, in a physical way? It's not guaranteed that your children will get it, it's just a possibility. With bipolar, it's not guaranteed that it will impact on the emotional aspects of your partner, through emotional abuse, regardless of medication. Medication isn't a cure for bipolar disorder, it's just a mask for symptoms.

[Lindarose84]

Explain how you feel that schizophrenia is any different than bipolar, in a physical way? It's not guaranteed that your children will get it, it's just a possibility. With bipolar, it's not guaranteed that it will impact on the emotional aspects of your partner, through emotional abuse, regardless of medication. Medication isn't a cure for bipolar disorder, it's just a mask for symptoms.

 

Unfortunately, I don't have a medical degree nor have I done any extensive studies in the area of depression to know the difference between bipolar and schizophrenia- for all I know the OP's girlfriend could be taking the meds to get over a death in the family. Like LaRubia noted, we don't know what she's take the pills for. If it's a type of depression that is hereditary where there would be a physical impact on a child the two may conceive, then there is a duty to disclose. I am offering my opinions under the assumption that the zoloft are to treat something that only affect her (and is not something that can be passed down).

[bean1]

The difference here is that the OP's girlfriend is taking medications and being treated for it, so the chances of her depression impacting the relationship are nil since she sought treatment and probably wouldn't be going through those bouts. That's why I don't think, especially this early on, she should have to reveal anything to him.

 

I have to disagree - you sound like someone who "knows their stuff" when it comes to mental health issues, so you must also be well aware that mental illness such as depression or others that you mentioned are not "cured" through medication and someone can (and usually do) still experience many depression symptoms during treatment. For a lot of people, they are still "blue", they just aren't in dispair or suicidal, as a result of medication.

 

I agree if it is a bit soon though. I wouldn't say, "Hi. My name is bean, I'm 24, like dogs, and I have a mental illness" (LOL). I suppose that is up for the person to decide. FYI I do not have depression, I just work in law enforcement so I see it a lot.

[Isolde]

Oh, I definitely think depression needs to be disclosed, I was just saying the OP may feel it is too soon. I can't imagine not sharing something like that with a real SO... but the OP says they've been "dating for a few months," it doesn't sound like it is serious?

 

I disagree that depression affects only the person with it; I know people with it and I know the effects it has. When it comes to delineating the differences between various mental disorders, I'm a firm believer that the lines aren't as clear as they might seem.

[Trialbyfire]

Unfortunately, I don't have a medical degree nor have I done any extensive studies in the area of depression to know the difference between bipolar and schizophrenia- for all I know the OP's girlfriend could be taking the meds to get over a death in the family. Like LaRubia noted, we don't know what she's take the pills for. If it's a type of depression that is hereditary where there would be a physical impact on a child the two may conceive, then there is a duty to disclose. I am offering my opinions under the assumption that the zoloft are to treat something that only affect her (and is not something that can be passed down).

You don't need a medical degree to google the differences. And once again, schizophrenia isn't guaranteed to be handed down, it's just a possibility.

 

IF someone is going through anything that requires medication, which has the possibility of impacting on the relationship, they should be disclosing this.

 

IMO, non-disclosure isn't an honest way to start or maintain a relationship. The same can be said for addictions. For many addictions, once an addict, always an addict, not because they will go back to the addiction but that there's potential they could fall off the wagon. It's only fair that you allow your SO to make the judgement call, whether they want to take the chance or not.

[Lindarose84]

I have to disagree - you sound like someone who "knows their stuff" when it comes to mental health issues, so you must also be well aware that mental illness such as depression or others that you mentioned are not "cured" through medication and someone can (and usually do) still experience many depression symptoms during treatment. For a lot of people, they are still "blue", they just aren't in dispair or suicidal, as a result of medication.

 

I agree if it is a bit soon though. I wouldn't say, "Hi. My name is bean, I'm 24, like dogs, and I have a mental illness" (LOL). I suppose that is up for the person to decide. FYI I do not have depression, I just work in law enforcement so I see it a lot.

 

Oh believe me, as I stated earlier, I don't know much about depression since I'm not a doctor nor have I done any studies on the issue. My only experience comes from having family and friends who have dealt with it and have gone on medication and it was like night and day after they took the meds. That's where my opinion came from that if she is being treated for it, I don't understand who the relationship would be impacted since on the outside she appears to be "normal."

[Trialbyfire]

Oh, I definitely think depression needs to be disclosed, I was just saying the OP may feel it is too soon. I can't imagine not sharing something like that with a real SO... but the OP says they've been "dating for a few months," it doesn't sound like it is serious?

 

I disagree that depression affects only the person with it; I know people with it and I know the effects it has. When it comes to delineating the differences between various mental disorders, I'm a firm believer that the lines aren't as clear as they might seem.

Perhaps it's my definition of SO which means significant other. This term is usually reserved for serious relationships.

 

As for time clocked off, that doesn't define serious or not. It also doesn't define how close the two of you are.

[Lindarose84]

You don't need a medical degree to google the differences. And once again, schizophrenia isn't guaranteed to be handed down, it's just a possibility.

 

IF someone is going through anything that requires medication, which has the possibility of impacting on the relationship, they should be disclosing this.

 

IMO, non-disclosure isn't an honest way to start or maintain a relationship. The same can be said for addictions. For many addictions, once an addict, always an addict, not because they will go back to the addiction but that there's potential they could fall off the wagon. It's only fair that you allow your SO to make the judgement call, whether they want to take the chance or not.

 

Um sorry, I don't "google" things and then go ahead and claim knowledge on those issues I "googled" (you can find anything on google written by absolute idiots).

 

You're basically just reiterating my point- As I said earlier, there isn't a duty to disclose unless there is a chance that there could be an impact on the relationship (I made mine more specific to being a "physical impact" on the SO or any children they may have). If I'm taking zoloft to get over a death in the family, I'm not going to disclose that to my bf of 3 months. If I'm taking zoloft to treat a hereditary disease, yes, I'm disclosing that pretty early on.

[Trialbyfire]

Um sorry, I don't "google" things and then go ahead and claim knowledge on those issues I "googled" (you can find anything on google written by absolute idiots).

 

You're basically just reiterating my point- As I said earlier, there isn't a duty to disclose unless there is a chance that there could be an impact on the relationship (I made mine more specific to being a "physical impact" on the SO or any children they may have). If I'm taking zoloft to get over a death in the family, I'm not going to disclose that to my bf of 3 months. If I'm taking zoloft to treat a hereditary disease, yes, I'm disclosing that pretty early on.

Most people can get over a death in the family without medication. Why the need for Zoloft? For that matter, Zoloft isn't always guaranteed to work on every patient, with 100% symptom suppression. Also, Zoloft can't work on someone who doesn't follow through with regulated consumption.

 

Where I will disclose to anyone, that after D-day, I went through therapy to help get over it. If an SO has issues with it, state it now, so I don't invest any further.

 

Most definitely, you and I have different ethics and perspectives, so let's just agree to disagree.

[Isolde]

Yeah, I haven't seen much evidence of short term medication helping people get through traumatic times in their lives. As far as I know, it doesn't really work like that.

 

I guess this whole post confuses me because I don't know why the OP wouldn't tell his SO, unless they were just sort of dating casually. Depression is so common these days, I've yet to hear of anyone getting left, solely because of that.