texman Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Been dating a few months, and snooped into the medicine cabinet. GF is on Zoloft. Probably been on it for a while since she uses the 90 day mail order supply. Is this something you would tell your SO? I've been on them before, during my divorce, so I know the state of mind I had to feel I needed them...worries me a bit with some behaviors I've seen but I don't necessarily want to make a linkage.
bean1 Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Yes, you should. Depression is something that can break a relationship. People with depression need partners that are willing to accept the ups and downs that may occur. Some people are unable to be partners to people with depression. It is not something that you can hide for an extended amount of time anyways.
laRubiaBonita Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 IF she is on zoloft for depression.... why not say "hey hon, i was snooping in your medicine cabinet and i noticed you are on zoloft... you know i was to when i got a divorce... what's the deal?" i am sure this conversation will go well.
Author texman Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 IF she is on zoloft for depression.... why not say "hey hon, i was snooping in your medicine cabinet and i noticed you are on zoloft... you know i was to when i got a divorce... what's the deal?" i am sure this conversation will go well. I can't tell if you're joking or not...The snooping in the medicine cabinet part would piss me off.
laRubiaBonita Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 well i was being sarcastic- kinda. because yes, the med cabinet thing would piss me off too. but there are lots of uses for SSRI inhibitors now-a-days besides depression...
laRubiaBonita Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 maybe one day, as you two are talking about your pasts... you could mention the fact that you had some issues with depression.... you are fine now, but you just thought she should know- as it is part of your past history.... i would not specifically mention that you were on zoloft- i think that would be too obvious. maybe she will then tell you about herself
Author texman Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 well i was being sarcastic- kinda. because yes, the med cabinet thing would piss me off too. but there are lots of uses for SSRI inhibitors now-a-days besides depression... ugh...some days i feel like i want to be single forever
Trialbyfire Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Been dating a few months, and snooped into the medicine cabinet. GF is on Zoloft. Probably been on it for a while since she uses the 90 day mail order supply. Is this something you would tell your SO? I've been on them before, during my divorce, so I know the state of mind I had to feel I needed them...worries me a bit with some behaviors I've seen but I don't necessarily want to make a linkage.If she's your significant other, she should be telling you about this. It's unfair to you, that she keep something this important, something that could explain any confusing or hurtful behaviours on her part, away from you.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 I think it depends on how serious you are. If you are serious, yes, the info should be disclosed. If not, I don't think she owes you an explanation.
Cherished Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I don't use them but I don't believe one should feel they need to disclose this information to a significant other.
bean1 Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I don't use them but I don't believe one should feel they need to disclose this information to a significant other. You don't think a significant other should be made aware of their partner's mental illness?
Cherished Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I don't necessarily consider depression a mental illness. There is situational depression which usually goes away when the negative situation has been eliminated or improved. Some people don't even use antidepressants, they solve it through their diet and exercise. So I hesitate to call it a mental illness.
JustLooking123 Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I don't necessarily consider depression a mental illness. There is situational depression which usually goes away when the negative situation has been eliminated or improved. Some people don't even use antidepressants, they solve it through their diet and exercise. So I hesitate to call it a mental illness. Disagree strongly. Depression is the most common mental illness. The term is so stigmatized that people hesitate to identify with it, because so many people they know have dealt with depression. People prefer to think of the "mentally ill" as the homeless guy muttering to himself. Just because it goes away with diet and exercise doesn't make it not an illness; the same can be said for high cholesterol and type 2 diabetes in many cases, but they still are illnesses.
pandagirl Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I don't necessarily consider depression a mental illness. There is situational depression which usually goes away when the negative situation has been eliminated or improved. Some people don't even use antidepressants, they solve it through their diet and exercise. So I hesitate to call it a mental illness. For real? This kind of statement upsets me. Depression is definitely an illness. When you are clinical depressed, it's much different than just being "sad." As for telling your SO that you are on anti-depressants, I don't think it's any of their business until that person feels comfortable enough to tell them. In the first few months of dating, you probably wouldn't tell an SO that you had an abortion or were a victim or abuse either. These things are important to disclose at some point in a relationship, but not necessarily this early on.
Trialbyfire Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I don't agree that you shouldn't disclose as much as possible upfront, regardless. For example, I disclose that I have allergies and that once, I almost got raped. I also disclose that my previous marriage ended due to infidelity on my exes part. None of these things bothered my fiance. He's also disclosed things, which don't bother me. If anyone has any problems with the above, the sooner they make issue of it, the better. I hate wasting time and emotion and for that matter, think it's unfair when you conceal things until someone else invests. That's just cruel.
Shygirl15 Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Give her space. She will tell you when she's ready to tell you. Also the snooping part was not nice, sorry.
pandagirl Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I don't agree that you shouldn't disclose as much as possible upfront, regardless. For example, I disclose that I have allergies and that once, I almost got raped. I also disclose that my previous marriage ended due to infidelity on my exes part. None of these things bothered my fiance. He's also disclosed things, which don't bother me. If anyone has any problems with the above, the sooner they make issue of it, the better. I hate wasting time and emotion and for that matter, think it's unfair when you conceal things until someone else invests. That's just cruel. I agree communication is vital, but TBF, you have a largely one-sided view of this sort of situation. People deal with things different ways. Some people are very guarded and private; others, like you, have an easier time revealing personal information. I do eventually disclose vital aspects of my past to people, but it takes TIME for me to do this, because in order for me to feel comfortable, I have to trust the person, which takes more than a few months for me. Maybe the OP's gf is ashamed of her depression and is afraid he will judge her if he finds out. Who knows?
Lindarose84 Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I think something so personal as taking meds for depression is nobody's business but your own. If I were on depression meds, I wouldn't tell my bf for fear that one, he will judge me, and two, he will treat me with kid gloves (i.e. he will change the way he acts around me out of fear I will get suicidal or something). The only time I think something like that should be disclosed is if you're engaged and are about to get married. No marriage should start off with two people not being completely open with one another. P.S. The snooping thing wasn't cool, by the way, but I'm sure you already know that.
Trialbyfire Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I agree communication is vital, but TBF, you have a largely one-sided view of this sort of situation. People deal with things different ways. Some people are very guarded and private; others, like you, have an easier time revealing personal information. I do eventually disclose vital aspects of my past to people, but it takes TIME for me to do this, because in order for me to feel comfortable, I have to trust the person, which takes more than a few months for me. Maybe the OP's gf is ashamed of her depression and is afraid he will judge her if he finds out. Who knows?Look at it this way. The sooner they show that they're judging you, the sooner you can part ways to find someone who accepts you, as you are. The worst case scenario is that they walk away because of it. For me, I'd rather know sooner than later. Also, if someone kept something this important from me, regardless of how much I cared about them and didn't care about the issue, I would walk. Honesty is key to trust and I would feel they weren't trustworthy individuals.
pandagirl Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Look at it this way. The sooner they show that they're judging you, the sooner you can part ways to find someone who accepts you, as you are. The worst case scenario is that they walk away because of it. For me, I'd rather know sooner than later. Also, if someone kept something this important from me, regardless of how much I cared about them and didn't care about the issue, I would walk. Honesty is key to trust and I would feel they weren't trustworthy individuals. Welp. Then I guess you would find me untrustworthy!
Trialbyfire Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Welp. Then I guess you would find me untrustworthy!People don't disclose due to fear of loss. Fear of loss should never drive any relationship. The two of you should want to be with each other, not want to be with someone who isn't real. Don't be ashamed of who you are.
Land Shark Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 People don't disclose due to fear of loss. Fear of loss should never drive any relationship. The two of you should want to be with each other, not want to be with someone who isn't real. Don't be ashamed of who you are. So it has always worked out for you?
Trialbyfire Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 So it has always worked out for you?Explain your question.
Land Shark Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Explain your question. You've always owned up to your medications to your guys? And then stuck with you anyway?
Trialbyfire Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 You've always owned up to your medications to your guys? And then stuck with you anyway?I don't take any medication. As previously expressed, I've owned up to allergies, the near rape, and my ex-Hs infidelity. As far as I know, none have left due to those disclosures but who knows, maybe that's what your problems were, since you enjoyed making things up without talking about them.
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