gopher Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 The hot girl is someone I met online at a dating site and I'm the not so hot guy. Normally I would say that she is way out of my league...But, she actually showed interest in me first, and mentioned how handsome I was. We have tons of common interests, as well as great chemistry on the phone. My pictures are all either candid shots, or webcam pics, all recent. So, I know I look like them, no photo shopping done. But, I can't help but think that if we meet, she is going to be disappointed in how I look, facewise...because I'm in really good shape bodywise. The good thing is that I don't have my self worth wrapped up in any relationship or potential one anymore. But, I'm also a realist. Any guys go through something like this? What happened? Also, any women meet a guy they clicked with, but weren't blown away by with their looks? What happened?
bean1 Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Here's the truth about "hot girls"... most of them are an illusion. Any girl can look "hot" with $90 platinum root touch ups, $50 mac studiofix, eyeliner, lipglass, a tan, etc. When I first met my SO (online!) I looked like a barbie doll. Fast forward, I have allowed my hair to go back dark and he sees me wearing sweatpants on occasion while dealing with our little one. Yes, some women are superficial. Some of us just dress up to look hot in photos to find a man. A lot of us just want chemistry and a good personality. I have dated "ugly" men in the past because they were GOOD men and when you truly care about someone, you think they are the most beautiful person in the world. Go out and have fun with her!
Trialbyfire Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 gopher, if you're concerned, trade personalized video clips with her so the two of you can get a feel of how the other person acts, before getting to the meet and greet stage.
You'reasian Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 The hot girl is someone I met online at a dating site and I'm the not so hot guy. Normally I would say that she is way out of my league...But, she actually showed interest in me first, and mentioned how handsome I was. We have tons of common interests, as well as great chemistry on the phone. My pictures are all either candid shots, or webcam pics, all recent. So, I know I look like them, no photo shopping done. But, I can't help but think that if we meet, she is going to be disappointed in how I look, facewise...because I'm in really good shape bodywise. The good thing is that I don't have my self worth wrapped up in any relationship or potential one anymore. But, I'm also a realist. Any guys go through something like this? What happened? Also, any women meet a guy they clicked with, but weren't blown away by with their looks? What happened? I'm seeing a contradiction. First you say you're a not so hot guy, then go and say you're in great shape bodywise. So, I'm guessing you're probably decently attractive to women - atleast in terms of the big picture. Go with that and be yourself.
Jersey Shortie Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Gopher, I have been attracted to all kinds of men. Ones that you might consider stereotypically handsome and ones that you certainly wouldn't. I still found them hot. So you should believe her if she is telling you she is attracted. And secondly, it's more about how a man makes the woman in question feel then it is what he looks like. Maker her feel like a woman and she will be putty in your hands.
jayOG Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Bout confidence, not trying to put off looks. World is definitely shallow and of course you have to be physically attracted to the person. Also being physically similar and in shape makes for great sex. However, being confident is 500x sexier than good looking. I mean if you have both looks and confidence you are really set... but play with the hand you were dealt. Dated better looking girls than me and they were wild about me. My friends date better looking girls than them and all is good. So your insecurity is a non issue unless the person is crazy shallow or has a certain social standard they must maintain.
carhill Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 OP, get a bit off the "me" path and share your happiness with someone. That's really good-looking
Author gopher Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 Bean...Thanks for your input....you make some great points about women looking for a good guy. TBF...that's great advice....thank you. You'reasian....I guess I am.....Just being myself works....thanks for advice. Thanks Jersey.....she did say i was attrective, so that's a huge positive. Thanks Jay, I feel good about myself and who I am, hopefully that shines through. Carhill.....I did use the word "I" alot, that's great advice...I do tend to be a better listener than a talker about myself, so hopefully that helps.
MichiganMan222 Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 My girlfriend looks like Reese Witherspoon and I look like Jackie Mason. She's head over heels in love. Don't doubt yourself. If anything, THAT will be what holds you back.
Shock Me Sane Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 I think I'm pretty hot, and I'm really only attracted to men that most people wouldn't find conventionally attractive. I like weirdos. I think it's just a matter of personal preference. You could be exactly the kind of guy she likes.
Cora Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 I kind of understand what you are going through but from the opposite perspective. I'm the not so hot girl who just met the hot guy. We talked for 3 weeks online before meeting in person and I was scared to death because I saw this guy as being way out of my league. I would ask myself why the heck is he wasting his time with me? I just knew once we met and he took one look at me he would walk away. But I just said screw it....if he does that then so be it. I'm just going to be positive and put on my charm. He did not walk away and we had a wonderful time.....even got a second date. Just remember you are your own worst critic of yourself. In my opinion attitude is so much more attractive than looks. Good Luck!
Ruby Slippers Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Your situation is far preferable to the inverse, and even scientific studies have shown both parties are happier when the woman is more attractive, because then the man sees her as a real catch and is more inclined to be faithful. Sad, but true. Generally speaking, most women would rather be more attractive than the man, in the "position of power" as it were, whereas not as many men would rather be more attractive than their woman. Also, you'd be amazed what good angles, lighting, and makeup can do to make someone look like a bombshell in photos. Pictures can be misleading. Be yourself, project confidence, and have fun.
You'reasian Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 And secondly, it's more about how a man makes the woman in question feel then it is what he looks like. Maker her feel like a woman and she will be putty in your hands. I agree with this. Treat her the way you would like to be treated, let it be natural and enjoy meeting this new person. Definitely go for atleast one solid kiss but don't have any other expectations.
Isolde Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Why don't people get this? Attraction is a strange thing and can't be predicted. Present a girl with two guys that are equally attractive and chances are she will be more attracted to one than to the other. It's called chemistry. Just see how it goes! She's just one girl you don't even know! Jeez.
Isolde Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 You could be exactly the kind of guy she likes. Exactly! ........
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Your situation is far preferable to the inverse, and even scientific studies have shown both parties are happier when the woman is more attractive, because then the man sees her as a real catch and is more inclined to be faithful. Sad, but true. Generally speaking, most women would rather be more attractive than the man, in the "position of power" as it were, whereas not as many men would rather be more attractive than their woman. Also, you'd be amazed what good angles, lighting, and makeup can do to make someone look like a bombshell in photos. Pictures can be misleading. Be yourself, project confidence, and have fun. Ruby... sometimes you make me wonder. Do you really think that if you dated a guy who was more attractive than you, that he would be unable to stay faithful?
Isolde Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Attractiveness is subjective. That said, I've seen thousands of couples where the guy was better looking than the girl, though usually not by a wide margin. No one should date for looks... no one should date to feel in power, either. Date for how you like the person and how the person makes you feel!
burning 4 revenge Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 I dated a woman I met online a long time ago and as she was much older and maybe 30 or 40 lbs overweight/albeit sexy attractive face I still felt fairly confident That was the only online dating I ever did Much more recently I met a poster from this site (just a friendly meeting) and I was nervous as hell as I figured shed be the really judgemental type and Im not a movie star or anything by a long shot. I thought Id get trashed online and though its silly to worry about that sort of thing I still did She was actually very complimentary to me though which surprised me
SushiX Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 You already have a connection on the phone with her. And that is most important! Unless you look completely different than your picture, you're good to go! Have confidence when you meet her and she's all yours playa.
Mahatma Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Girls don't value looks in a relationship as much as guys.
Author gopher Posted May 7, 2009 Author Posted May 7, 2009 Thanks all for your thoughtful posts. I spoke with her tonight, and we were talking about how well we've clicked so far in emails and conversations. So, I asked her for a date and she readily agreed, I probably could have asked her out the first time we spoke. She and I are meeting on Sunday for coffee...she also said she likes everything about me. I sort of feel I'm playing with house money...not in an arrogant way, but in a confident one. We have so much in common, I really like the person she is....and she thinks I'm funny, I made her laugh a lot tonight. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain by just being myself. Thanks again all.
burning 4 revenge Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Girls don't value looks in a relationship as much as guys. Yes they do and even more so
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Also, any women meet a guy they clicked with, but weren't blown away by with their looks? What happened? Yes - he's been my boyfriend of the past 3 1/2 months. If she's shallow, she'll judge your looks. But if she already has seen pictures and likes what she has seen, I would say there's nothing to worry about. But if she IS shallow, that's not the kind of person you'd want to be in relationship with, anyway. Go for it telling yourself that you are one hot babe. Chicks dig confidence.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Ruby... sometimes you make me wonder. Do you really think that if you dated a guy who was more attractive than you, that he would be unable to stay faithful? Make you wonder what? My last boyfriend was very conventionally attractive. Commitment to any one woman had always been difficult for him, and boy, I felt it.
Recommended Posts