wtfshock Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Hello again I am having trouble wrapping my brain around my situation. My wife and i have been separated for 6 months now but we have been seeing each other for the past month. The thing that's kept me from pouring myself into her completely is the fact that she denies cheating on me and therefore will not make up for it. I caught her telling some guy she loves him on world of warcraft and she also had a separate email address set up to talk to him. She also spoke with him over the phone. She admits to the transgression but refuses to call it cheating. That very fact has kept me from diving back in to her completely. If she will not completely own up to the situation then she has learned nothing and will do it again. I have told her time and again that if she cannot own up to the mistake and learn from it we will not get back together. If i did take her back without her owning up to it then i will be miserable and she will do it again. This is the second time during our marriage she has cheated on me. With help from some friends here at loveshack i finally understand that she will never change. She is a habitual liar and a serial cheater who lacks a moral compass. She is unwilling to take responsibility for her actions. She will not communicate with me farther than simple 'yes', 'no' and i 'dunno' answers. She will not tell me whats on her mind unless i talk to her for hours..... digging. During the course of my posting here and talking to her she emailed me. The email outlined her being the victim in this situation. She says that her and another girl on WoW were setting up a guy who preys on women and that i caught her doing that. There are so many holes in her story that i knew it was a lie. After talking about it on loveshack, i understand whats she is doing but it still confuses me. Now she is saying that she did indeed have an 'emotional affair', and that she got carried away setting this guy up. She still will not admit to cheating though. Her story as of late is ever evolving which shows she is making it up as she goes along, but to what end? I gave her the choice of either admitting to it and her believing what she did was cheating and that i expect her to "move heaven and earth" to make up for it.....or we are done. She chooses to set me free rather than to admit her wrong doing. Its blatently obvious that she did it....she was caught red handed. She says she wants me back and wants the family back together but she refuses to own up to her wrong doing. I just dont understand this at all. She is always defensive, hanging up the phone on me and trying to leave when our conversations get a little heated. It feels like she is running from the issues that plague us. She just wants us back together, the way we were but better this time. She will not try to resolve the major issues with me though. I know she loves me but i cant understand her being willing to give up rather than do whats right. If i wanted something that bad i would do anything to get it. I wouldnt let my ego get in the way thats for certain. I emailed her a goodbye letter. She emails me back saying she has lost a friend. I told her in the letter that for the time being i will need time to heal and then we can work on a friendship. In the mean time i told her that i can be counted on to be there for her as needed. She doesnt want me to call her...only email and text. I really dont want to speak to her right now cause i can hear in her voice regret but i cannot control her actions. Why is she acting like this? Does anyone know the name of this type of character? I guess im searching for answers in this time of pain. The day has ended I lay awake A soft glow over my shoulder I'll sleep soon Wake tomorrow and then it's all the same And i'll destroy the memories one by one The bitter past erased I'll not replace What's done is done No belief is all that's left and i do not regret The darkness welcomes me back home! And I am still my own Can't take away [X2} And I feel the pain still deeply It seems sometimes too much to bear I have a core within me still My strength is there
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Her words and her actions jar. She says she wants to be with you, that she will miss your friendship....but yet she cannot want either of these things enough because she is making no effort to back up her words with actions. I don't know if some people think words are enough but I view it as a kind of laziness. They will say it, say it, say it. But there is no action there. She sounds like a poor communicator. The very fact that she has cheated on you twice means that (although it is in no way your fault), she may have justified the fact that she cheated by blaming you. Therefore as much as you feel anger/resentment for her cheating, she will feel anger/resentment because in her mind she probably has some justifications/fabrications as to 'what drove' her to cheat, rather than confess or admit that it is her that is to blame. I think the fact that she is choosing not to work on it, that she just 'expects' things to go back to how they were, is pure laziness. She wants it to just go back to square one magically, with no effort on her part. So I would sum her up as just lazy.
Author wtfshock Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 Her words and her actions jar. She says she wants to be with you, that she will miss your friendship....but yet she cannot want either of these things enough because she is making no effort to back up her words with actions. I don't know if some people think words are enough but I view it as a kind of laziness. They will say it, say it, say it. But there is no action there. She sounds like a poor communicator. The very fact that she has cheated on you twice means that (although it is in no way your fault), she may have justified the fact that she cheated by blaming you. Therefore as much as you feel anger/resentment for her cheating, she will feel anger/resentment because in her mind she probably has some justifications/fabrications as to 'what drove' her to cheat, rather than confess or admit that it is her that is to blame. I think the fact that she is choosing not to work on it, that she just 'expects' things to go back to how they were, is pure laziness. She wants it to just go back to square one magically, with no effort on her part. So I would sum her up as just lazy. thank you i agree
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