comicgirl Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 I ended my A with MM in November thanks to you all for your helpful advice. I finally had NC until.........my kids had opening day for little league baseball. His daughters play too but their games are in different leagues( i know this cause our kids go to school together and talked about it, then my kids told me that). I felt like since there were so many people it would be fine and I wouldn't see him. My parents were there along with my father in law. We went to the field to play my kids game and who rolls up? exMM. he starts going on the field to act as my kids personal coach. What was I supposed to do? Cause a scene in front of my family? No, I was polite when he spoke to me. My kid hit a homer and I did see it but he actually yelled"did you see that or were you talking?" He stayed for both games. I couldn't believe it. I hadn't seen him or talked to him in months. My friend showed up at the end of the game to give me some stuff ( MM hates this friend). I was talking to her until the end of the game. Then we left and I didn't go up to him and say thanks or screw you or anything. I didn't ask him to come there...geez! He called me two days later telling me that my kids coach asked him for help and that I can't choose between friends when I am friends with him. He went on to say that it was rude of me not to come up and thank him and that he wanted to talk to the kids ,on and on...I finally said "I have to go" and hung up. Then last night I was getting the kids pictures taken at the field and he walked right up and talked to me. I let him talk about baseball for a minute(very uncomfortable) and told him my family had to go to the grocery store and we left. What the hell????? BTW i did talk to my kids coach and he had no idea who this person was and didn't ask him to help out.
carhill Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 So, you're not over him yet. How can I tell? The existence and tone of your post. It mattered enough to you to post it. Nothing wrong with that. He's just fishing. I've experienced this with MW's. They fish for validation. It's up to you how you want to react to that. IMO, the key change will be when his fishing expeditions, no matter how impolite, elicit indifference. Oh, yeah, he's a tool, but I guess you know that
bentnotbroken Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Next time he contacts you, tell him if it continues, you will be filing charges. Better yet, tell him you will tell his W. Write a formal NC letter, then block him from your phone and email. When he starts to talk walk away, who cares what others think. Maybe you should yell, " haven't I told you to stay away from?" My guess is his embarrassment will end his attempts pretty quickly. You have several options, exercise one or all of them.
2sure Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 That is creepy, inappropriate, and way out of line. Stay the F away from my kids!!! Good that you spoke to the coach and confirmed MM had NO business being there. Maybe that will give the coach a heads up that this guy is a creep.
carhill Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 For general consumption, the backstory: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t129325/
Author comicgirl Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 I made so many mistakes with these people, NC was the only recovery option. I live in a small town and the scene I would cause by yelling at him to stay away would be a lot of talk. I finally woke up in November and kept NC. I truly believed at first that he was at the game purely to help my kids. Our kids are friends ya know? Then it started to dawn on me that maybe it was for another reason....i didn't want to believe it. I swear it. I don't want to go back..I've worked so hard to change. It only makes me cry. If you could only see how I'm ok without seeing him or his W.
stuckinoz Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Cosmicgirl: I just read your posts from 2007 & it's quite interesting this tangled web. I don't for a second think you should have been on Jerry Springer like a few had suggested. (I haven't posted my entire situation here - but my husband WAS similar to yours...he didn't care if I did or didn't...AND said it doesn't mean he doesn't love me or that he was having an affair himself)--With that said... Your current situation~ He sounds like a creep. Stick to your guns. I'm sure it's difficult for you to see him. But it doesn't mean you have to talk to him. Wear dark glasses to the games so he won't notice if you are glancing his way. Don't give him a reason to think you're still interested (It seems like you could quite possibly be dragged back into this with little fight) Be tough!!! Be distant!! Don't Engage. (It worked for me in my situation - it took some time, but he finally got the message!)
Stepone Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Hi Comic girl, just read your back story - did his W ever find out? If not I would say threatening to reveal everything to her would be one way of making him back off once and for all. Only when you know he is going to leave you alone will you be able to draw a line under this. I do feel for you, am in a similar situation, but in my case W did find out and my life is now very uncomfortable (deservedly so)
Ronni_W Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Comicgirl, Two years ago is two years ago...the past, history, over and done with. Today, this guy is acting like a nutjob. I agree with bent -- do whatever you have to do to stay true to your current decisions, commitments and resolve about all of it. Best of luck!
jwi71 Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 You're going to have to fill in some blanks for me... Are you still separated from your H? Have you filed for D? Did the MM W ever believe you after you told her? Seems like there are some substantial gaps in this sad soap opera... And now what do YOU want? Return to this A with him? Keep your best friend? Both? If you could script the PERFECT ending...what would you write?
Author comicgirl Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 I'm not divorced or separated. I'm not friends with the W at all, have seen her once to pick up my kids at her house. I don't want to start this A up again. I realized how distant and distracted I was from my family and husband the whole time of the A. If I could script it, we would never see each other in any way. However, I will see them at school functions. Friday our kids have a field trip that my H and I are going to and I worry that the exMM and his W will be there.
Author comicgirl Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 I have been getting phone calls at my house that when I answer there is a pause and then a hangup. I called *69 and each time it says it can't tell the number because it is out of area or a private number. The W never found out or accepted what I told her. The reason exMM hates the friend that came to the ballgame is because she once threatened to tell the W about us so that he would stop yelling at her about something.
jwi71 Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 I'm not divorced or separated. Huh? Then what is this thread about: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t171884/ I'm not friends with the W at all, have seen her once to pick up my kids at her house.Again, in this thread you say something completely different: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t129325/ Right, I have thought of terminating my friendship with his wife.Post number three from above link about your MM being the H of your best friend... Did I miss something?
Author comicgirl Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 I was separated...am not now. worked things out. was BF with the W. Terminated that at the same time I ended the A with MM. My brain got in overdrive.
Athena Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 I have been getting phone calls at my house that when I answer there is a pause and then a hangup. I called *69 and each time it says it can't tell the number because it is out of area or a private number. People who want to call your number without being traced can do so by dialing *67 first, then your number... Also, the hang-ups, if not by xMM (although my guess it is IS him), might also be an OW for your H... Whatever happened with xMM's Intervention? Is he sober now? Sounds like he has a problem with Addictive behavior... the drinking, the affair...
Owl Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Simple solutions to get MM out of your life forever. Tell your husband about your affair with MM. Tell MM's wife about the affair. Make sure to tell her that you told your H. End result...there's no way in heck he's going to come near you again.
Author comicgirl Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 I have no idea if he ever stopped drinking for good.
Recommended Posts