lostINgeorgia Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 I found out that my wife was cheating on me just before Christmas 08. When I confronted her, she said that it was not something she planned, and she was sorry that I found out how I did. She left her yahoo messenger account open on the computer and I happened to stumble upon what was pretty much her and her BF talking. Come to find out from the phone bill that she was talking to this guy for at least an hour a day and this has been going on for about a year prior to me finding out. Well about two weeks after confronting her she left town, lived her sister for awhile and then moved out of state. I have not really seen her since, but have talked with her on the phone numerous times. She has now recently signed a lease in yet another state for an apartment. She said she just needs this for her, but wont say that she wants a divorce. I told her over the phone that I could forgive her and to come home and go to counseling with me but she refuses. I still love her, we were married for ten years before all of this happened. Should I take this as a sign that our marriage is done and move on with filing for a divorce? Or just sit and wait. I have often times recently felt myself wanting for some type of intimate companionship. I think that I can move on with my life if need be, we have no children so that is a good thing I guess. Thanks in advance for the help.
BW007 Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Go back and try to read your post as a stranger. What do you see between the lines? I have felt exactly the same inappropriate response to being used and abused. I see cheating as abuse of your trust and not giving a rats ass anymore. She left you behind. I think you are in a stage of trying to make a deal, any deal with the universe to get her back. I hate to say it but she moved on and it has been a year. Tell yourself over and over she was ok with sneaking around for a year on you. That is the dealbreaker in my mind. She has been gone for a while, you just are catching up to that fact. I am so sorry man, I hate that they left us.
Admiral Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Hurry up and divorce her. She cheated on you, if you don't divorce her, she will lose all respect for you (even more than she already has), and she will cheat again and again and probably finally divorce YOU.
mark982 Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 my bet is she's moved in with this other guy(sorry), you're coming across as way to weak,no woman has respect for that.i wouldn't call,text. send letter to her.you dodged a bullet by not having kids, as hard as it is just move on.
helovesme Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 I disagree with the others. We are only hearing one side of the story. Obviously, there is more to it than she just cheated and you want her back. I do not think she will lose respect for you because you aren't just dumping and running. I think that your commitment to her is admirable. Is she telling you she wants to make it work? Everything is disposable these days. If you think that you guys can get through this with counseling, honesty, love and communication, then it's worth a shot. Just my own personal opinion. This story sounds similar to one I've lived myself. Best wishes whatever you decide. Ultimately, you are the one that needs to make that decision....
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