KeastoGirl Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I first wrote on LoveShack, wondering whether I should break up with a man I am totally in love with because of his child's disrespectful and violent behavior (she has since actually hit ME!!!). I had a complicating factor in that someone I knew from a while back was hitting on me and I was falling for it. I got over that distraction and was laying low. Well, I had planned a trip for my children. I had asked my boyfriend to come but it was fairly short notice, so I understood his not coming. But I asked him to take us to the airport. We had a 6am flight; we live about 20 miles from the airport, which meant we needed to be up somewhere in the 4-430am range. He told me he'd think about it and never mentioned it again. My boyfriend lives about 6 minutes from my house. The day before the trip, I asked him again, and he basically refused. He said he would have his daughter and have to get her up that early and that was too problematic. I immediately thought of how many times I inconvenienced myself and my children for him...like the times I made my children late for school to drop his off at her daycare, the times I took off work to be with him in court all day fighting his exwife (and that has been four times in the 11 months I've known him)...and I thought why would this man who proposed to me and professes his love for me refuse to take me to the airport? When I came back he was asking me about the trip and I wasn't really feeling like talking to him, so I answered in short sentences and he told me I was being vague. I let him know I was upset about his refusal to take me to the airport. In the end, someone living much further away got up much earlier to take us to the airport on one day's notice, but the supposed love of my life couldn't be bothered. He did not apologize, but said he wished I told him I was upset rather than brood over it and harbor anger against him. He was thinking I would happy that he had fixed my earring while I was away and helped me check in online to get a good seat on southwest...huh? Is this a big deal or am I making a mountain out of moehill? I feel it is just basic, because when I asked him what have I ever asked him to do for me before this, he couldn't think of anything. Is getting up early with a four year old child really too much to ask for, or have I missed the notice that he's checked out of the relationship? Would this be a sign that it's time to break up?
Flying Burrito Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Madame, firstly, asking ANYBODY to arise at 4AM to serve as your anything is ballsy. Asking your supposed love of your life to get his four year old up at 4AM to drive you and your brood 20 miles to airport and 20 back is bad enough but acting upset because he (rightfully) turned you down is just stupid.
TaraMaiden Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I would rather take a taxi in a situation like this: you are paying them, so you know very well they will turn up... they can drop you right at the door and there is no parking fee... They don't care what the time is, and have no dependants. That's their job! Why did you not get a taxi-cab? _/l\_
Treasa Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I don't think you should have asked him to get himself and his daughter up that early. I also don't think you should make your own kids late to school to take his daughter anywhere, nor do I think you should take days off to hang around in court all day. Yes, I think you're overreacting.
Author KeastoGirl Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 Wow, there is consensus here. I'm really surprised. I still have to disagree. I have done this numerous times for family and was never offended by being asked. In fact, to take his daughter to daycare required me to get up at 5am, not much later. What is a few hours less sleep on one day to meet someone else's need? I don't get it, but clearly I am in the minority.
Flying Burrito Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 KeastoGirl, I'm a stranger to you and I hope what follows will be easier to hear and consider coming from a stranger since I rather think people who know you wouldn't say it, not to your face. You come off as self-righteous, judgmental and seem to have a blatant sense of entitlement which likely, you dismiss as "having high standards". Everything you think is right has to be right and you leave zero room for other, equally, or more valid viewpoints. Everyone must agree, must serve you or risk your scorn. You sound absolutely impossible after only a few posts. I'm worried for your relationship should you continue this way.
Author KeastoGirl Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 KeastoGirl, I'm a stranger to you and I hope what follows will be easier to hear and consider coming from a stranger since I rather think people who know you wouldn't say it, not to your face. You come off as self-righteous, judgmental and seem to have a blatant sense of entitlement which likely, you dismiss as "having high standards". Everything you think is right has to be right and you leave zero room for other, equally, or more valid viewpoints. Everyone must agree, must serve you or risk your scorn. You sound absolutely impossible after only a few posts. I'm worried for your relationship should you continue this way. It is only easy considering that in the few posts I have made on this thread, you have called me names several times. So I ask a question and without knowing anything about me, you've put words in my mouth and called me stupid, self-righteous, impossible....and I'M the one who's judgmental. ??? I think you've said more about yourself than anything else. I have a right to my own opinion and I clearly acknowledged everyone else's opinion. Please relieve yourself of the burden of worrying about my relationship.
Author KeastoGirl Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 I would rather take a taxi in a situation like this: you are paying them, so you know very well they will turn up... they can drop you right at the door and there is no parking fee... They don't care what the time is, and have no dependants. That's their job! Why did you not get a taxi-cab? _/l\_ Actually the reason I didn't was because having done that before for an early flight at a far away airport, I almost missed my flight because the shuttle never came. Crazy mixup, they apparently called and I didn't hear the phone (I was outside waiting). But with no answer, they didn't show up. It was a bad experience, I could have called other services. But I was under the impression we had a relationship in which we could ask things like that of each other because we had before.
oldsoul Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 well in your own words you say it was short notice. He refused , stating his reasons why it was not convienant for him. While you were away it seems like he was thinking about you i.e booking your seat and fixing your earring. When you returned from your trip he seemed genuinely interested in how it was. You decided to be short with your replies and stew over a minor setback. IMHO your are making too much of a situation that you seemed to have corrected very easily with a phone call to another friend. Don't sweat the small stuff it really is insignificant.
Treasa Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Well, clearly you're going to think what you want, despite what others tell you. so I guess you don't have a problem, do you?
Author KeastoGirl Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 Wow, again. I asked for opinions, and nowhere does it say I have to agree with them. You all completely disagree with me. I hear you. I thank you for your opinions. Funny thing is, it's already been worked out today, but can't shake the feeling of a personal attack here. My apologies for offending any of you.
TaraMaiden Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Wow, there is consensus here. I'm really surprised. I still have to disagree. I have done this numerous times for family and was never offended by being asked. In fact, to take his daughter to daycare required me to get up at 5am, not much later. What is a few hours less sleep on one day to meet someone else's need? I don't get it, but clearly I am in the minority. But it was not just him in the equation, he had to consider his young child also. you may make many efforts to help others and go out of your way - but not everybody is like you, and you cannot expect them to be like you, and you cannot make them like you. What is a few hours' sleep? I do not know if this was a weekend or a week day but if the latter, maybe he had work and his little girl had to go elsewhere. A few hours' sllep makes a big difference to someone who is NOT on holiday. Wow, again. I asked for opinions, and nowhere does it say I have to agree with them. You all completely disagree with me. I hear you. I thank you for your opinions. Funny thing is, it's already been worked out today, but can't shake the feeling of a personal attack here. My apologies for offending any of you. I have not personally attacked you, but it doews seem that you are looking at matters entirely from your perspective only. You asked him. he was in a position to either agree or refuse. he chose the latter. If you wish to be very accommodating to others, that is very kind, but not everyone will conform to your standards. And to hold a grudge for this period of time is frankly a little childish and unreasonable. Finally, I realise you feel attacked and judged. I have not done this, but maybe you could consider that nobody has agreed with you. All things aside, could this not in fact be an indication that perhaps, you are incorrect in your sentiments....? I'm sorry, but really, you need to get over this. I hope you can move on from this. _/l\_
Flying Burrito Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Wow, again. I asked for opinions, and nowhere does it say I have to agree with them. You all completely disagree with me. I hear you. I thank you for your opinions. Funny thing is, it's already been worked out today, but can't shake the feeling of a personal attack here. My apologies for offending any of you. Is it coincidence that you posted in the breaking up forum? No. You're either considering breaking up or someone broke up with you. You say you're considering... In this thread and in your other thread, you've presented yourself and your situation in a certain way. Based on that, people are responding to you. One of the pros about this kind of forum is that in anonymity, people will offer opinions and insights that people who know you won't. You can take critical feedback as a personal attack, or you can consider that if a random bunch of strangers see something you don't, you might want to look again. As for saying that acting upset weeks after someone said no to giving you a ride is stupid, yes, I still think its stupid. Somewhat different from saying YOU are stupid. Its saying that behavior is stupid. What else would you call it when your loving moments get tainted because you're carrying a grudge over not getting a car ride?
Author KeastoGirl Posted May 7, 2009 Author Posted May 7, 2009 @ Mr. Burrito, your name-calling is already here for others to read. And nowhere did I say it was weeks, it was days. @TaraMaiden, I appreciate your words and no you haven't attacked me. I did consider that so many thought I was wrong, but I know this relationship and this did not add up to me. Surprisingly, flowers and an apology came yesterday and he told me he realized it was selfish of him considering all the times I have bent over backwards for him. Yes he has a child, but that was the child's mother's day to have her and he would have been off for the rest of the day. All he had to do was drop her off and go back home and sleep. In reality, he was a teeny bit peeved that I hadn't given him enough notice to make arrangements for us all to be on the trip. His statement was, I had hoped we could all go. (And I drew from that that it would be uncomfortable for his daughter to see us off to Disney World knowing she wasn't coming.) The truth is there would be no way we could all go. I had the trip planned for April and he knew that well in advance, and then when some court date changed my schedule, I postponed the trip til May, when his court thingy unexpectedly changed his schedule. I spent all of that time trying to find flights that fit my budget so I didn't announce anything until I was sure about things. But given our new schedules, there was no way to make all of these moving parts work together. Now our children aren't home on the same weekends but would have been if the schedules stayed the same. It wasn't going to work no matter what, so I simply gave him my itinerary and asked him to work it out if he could. I didn't think it would so I didn't worry about it. He still cannot have a civil conversation with the ex, so it was pointless to hope she would agree to a temporary change. So I didn't hope, but for me, my children and I have been through a lot because of the divorce and I wanted to do something special for them. And Mommy needed a break. There would be no point in continuing to hold out waiting. I just don't come from the school where the crowd has to be right, especially when my gut tells me otherwise. Based on the conversation we had yesterday, I now have a better understanding of his position and it had absolutely nothing to do with losing sleep or getting his daughter up early.
TaraMaiden Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Surprisingly, flowers and an apology came yesterday and he told me he realized it was selfish of him considering all the times I have bent over backwards for him. .... In reality, he was a teeny bit peeved that I hadn't given him enough notice to make arrangements for us all to be on the trip. His statement was, I had hoped we could all go. (And I drew from that that it would be uncomfortable for his daughter to see us off to Disney World knowing she wasn't coming.) ... I just don't come from the school where the crowd has to be right, especially when my gut tells me otherwise. Based on the conversation we had yesterday, I now have a better understanding of his position and it had absolutely nothing to do with losing sleep or getting his daughter up early. I may be very mistaken, so if I am, I apologise, but do I detect a little bit of 'power-play' on his side? Was he trying to 'pull rank' do you think? maybe he felt a bit slighted and was being churlish. It is not unknown for some men to act in a childish manner at times....
Flying Burrito Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 It is not unknown for some men to act in a childish manner at times....Likewise for you ladies... Right. Suddenly a few more facts come out, like it wasn't the boyfriend who couldn't get it together to join them exactly, it was that he got invited last minute when he couldn't possibly accept. And the trip was to Disney? This woman expected her boyfriend who already got treated like crap by her to drive her to the airport at 4AM so his little daughter could watch everyone ELSE go to Disney? If the roles were reversed and this was a guy complaining you ladies would be howling in outrage. OP was way out of line. I have to wonder if OP wanted to "punish" the 4 yr old and her boyfriend was too smart for that. OP, I hope you appreciate how much your boyfriend cares for you to put up with your antics.
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