There is no such thing as a totally Single Guy

[carhill]

Define a "long time"? Longer than your childhood? Yep...

 

Nuts? Well, maybe a little. Annoyed? Probably. Hey, that's life

[WTRanger]

Let's just cut to the chase. This whole post is about finding a man who is a FASHION ACCESSORY. Something that goes good with a cocktail dress or an evening gown. It's not about finding love or a soul mate. It's about having something that is fashionable so society won't "judge". It's no different than getting the latest shoe style or handbag.

[Chicago_Guy]

That's what you have to do so you won't be lonely. Being single for a long time can drive someone nuts

 

Would you rather be in an unsatisfying relationship with someone who you quickly get sick of because deep down you don't think he's good enough or isn't truly what you want?

 

A lot of my friends are married and to be perfectly honest, only a couple of them are married to women whom I would ever have considered dating. I know people who got married because they thought it was the thing to do, but a lot of them don't seem very happy.

 

I'd rather hold out for something really good.

[MeaganRaye]

You know, in another thread I tried to talk to you about your perceptions and how the way you feel about YOU is the starting point to a good relationship and I got jumped on by you and certain other people who want to claim all men walk around wishing to stick their thangs in other women when they are out with their girl.

 

You won't listen to any real words of encouragement or assistance. You are stuck in this mindset and, until you get out of it, life will never go good for you. At least not as it relates to finding a relationship with a decent man.

You insult me in many threads and posts and then try to lay a huge guilt trip on me when I defend myself against your rude posts.

 

I am just frustrated because everytime I like a guy, everytime I come across one that is my type he is always taken. Always. And the ones who like me are not ever my type. I can't seem to find that balance.

[Island Girl]

I thought about buying myself a wedding ring just so I can fit in more with other women at work/school. So I can feel like I am somebody.

 

A wedding ring will make you feel like somebody?

 

If you need some kind of a crutch or symbol to somehow prove you are a worthy person then it is an internal issue.

 

 

FYI - I once bought myself a cheapo wedding ring to keep guys away. And all of those guys were single - completely unattached.

It was pointless in the end a ring didn't keep some of them away anyway.

 

I meet guys but the ones I am most compatible with are usually taken.

 

 

The guys you are most compatible with are emotionally unavailable.

 

That speaks loud and clear that you have some internal work to do.

 

You do seem to have a preoccupation with MM and affairs from your threads here on LS.

You have said that your parents situation has had no ill effects but the way you view relationships, men, marriage, etc. it seems to resonate that there are some repercussions that seem to have manifested in your perceptions.

 

 

I think what we are trying to tell you is that THE OUTSIDE WORLD is not the problem.

 

YOU are .

 

 

I concur.

 

 

It seems so strange to me that you want a wedding ring in the first place.

Do you really think you could be married and not obsessed with whether your husband was cheating or not - and what of the woman who wants to "sabotage" YOUR marriage or relationship?

 

Even your post here claims all desirable people are attached and therefore constantly cheat to move from relationship to relationship, right?

 

That simply is not true. And I feel so sad that you have that perspective. It is sad at any age but you are SO YOUNG!!

[donnamaybe]

You insult me in many threads and posts and then try to lay a huge guilt trip on me when I defend myself against your rude posts.

 

I am just frustrated because everytime I like a guy, everytime I come across one that is my type he is always taken. Always. And the ones who like me are not ever my type. I can't seem to find that balance.

 

I'm not laying a guilt trip. It's what happened in that thread and you know it when all I was trying to do is explain to you that there ARE guys who aren't complete pigs; guys who DO put their woman on a pedestal, even if she doesn't look like a cover model.

 

The thing is, sure there are guys you will find that you like who are taken. So what? Just wait. Be patient. Patience is a virtue (a quality a good man would like to find in a woman ). If you try too hard you'll wind up with someone who will make you VERY unhappy. Try to be kind, honest, fun, upbeat, and meet lots and lots of people along the way. A good man will find you.

[kizik]

None of this would be an issue if you simply stopped looking for guys.

[donnamaybe]

Even your post here claims all desirable people are attached and therefore constantly cheat to move from relationship to relationship, right?

 

That simply is not true. And I feel so sad that you have that perspective. It is sad at any age but you are SO YOUNG!!

 

If I'm not mistaken, Meagan's dad was a cheater, which explains a LOT!

[MeaganRaye]

If I'm not mistaken, Meagan's dad was a cheater, which explains a LOT!

 

My dad was married to the wrong person and then found my mother.

[Ruby Slippers]

I don't get the feeling that anyone feels sorry for me for being single, but that's probably because I'm single by choice, I don't whine about it, and I enjoy my life. Attitude goes a looooong way.

[donnamaybe]

My dad was married to the wrong person and then found my mother.

 

And I wasn't trying to cut you with that, Meagan. Really. But I don't recall it being that cut and dried.

 

But I digress... Stop trying so hard. Find things to do - to have fun with friends. Stop dwelling so on finding A man. You don't need just A man, you need THE man. It'll happen.

[donnamaybe]

I'm not laying a guilt trip. It's what happened in that thread and you know it when all I was trying to do is explain to you that there ARE guys who aren't complete pigs; guys who DO put their woman on a pedestal, even if she doesn't look like a cover model.

 

The thing is, sure there are guys you will find that you like who are taken. So what? Just wait. Be patient. Patience is a virtue (a quality a good man would like to find in a woman ). If you try too hard you'll wind up with someone who will make you VERY unhappy. Try to be kind, honest, fun, upbeat, and meet lots and lots of people along the way. A good man will find you.

 

And I REALLY wish you would have commented on THIS post instead of focusing on the other. This one has MUCH more substance.

[BCCA]

I'm totally single. I have no girlfriend, no ex in the picture, and I'm perfectly sane.

 

I know its hard to find good people, but the problem isnt that they arent single. The problem is that they werent the right one for you.

 

And willingly sharing a guy with another woman doesnt show a high level of self respect. Just an opinion.

[Trialbyfire]

There are plenty of worthwhile single men out there, whether they're divorced or never been married.

 

Every person is a composite of nature and nurture, where in the case of the OP, nurture appears to trump. Both her parents were previously committed, when they got together. Children are by-products of their parents.

 

Some key questions for the OP:

• What is love?
  
• What are desireable traits?
  
• Is she looking for a man to save her, thus giving her respectability and happiness?
  
• What are ethical boundaries and what are they for?
  
• To what degree does external validation fill the empty void inside?
  
• What is compassion, empathy and unselfishness?
  
• What is self-respect?
  
• What is self-esteem?
  

[burning 4 revenge]

Im totally single

 

Im not sure if Im happily so or not

 

Im not happy, but Im not sure how much of that is do to being single

 

For instance:

 

If I had a choice between a guarenteed happy relationship forever after with a woman I totally respected and loved /or

 

A million dollars and all the good beer, hashish, cooking ingredients and musical equipment I wanted and not having to work, but being alone

 

well

 

I'd pick the latter without hesitation

[jayOG]

I'm a guy and completely agree with your statement. I am "totally single" 9 months now by choice... Don't suffer from social anxiety.... but this is where it gets bad of course... I'm very busy and don't have time for a relationship.Would love to stop everything and date. Anyways for the brief moment when i stop working, there will be an amazing guy on the market. Essentially what I'm saying is that there are people out there, it's just limited and difficult.

I agree most good people are taken, but realistically it's a big world... move around if you can afford it.

[sb129]

Well, I'm not concerned about making people who got their wedding rings the normal way feel better, only about making myself feel and look better.

 

As you have demonstrated by your total disregard and lack of respect for other peoples marriages.

 

At least they have somebody and don't have to face the scrutiny of being a single woman in society.

 

What scrutiny?

Its all in your head that being single is something to be ashamed of.

 

None of this would be an issue if you simply stopped looking for guys.

 

Absolutely.

 

 

And willingly sharing a guy with another woman doesnt show a high level of self respect. Just an opinion.

 

I'd be an OW because I would have no other choice in some cases

Thats an insult to OW.... most OW don't willingly go into their Rs as OW, they find themselves there out of circumstance, and alot of the time they find themselves in too deep before they can take stock of the situation.

Most OW don't want to be OW.

 

The fact that you would actually WANT to be one rather than being single is...... unbelievable.

[sb129]

I am just frustrated because everytime I like a guy, everytime I come across one that is my type he is always taken.

 

Tip of the Day:

 

If he is taken, he isn't YOUR type, he is somebody elses.

[MN randomguy]

I am just frustrated because everytime I like a guy, everytime I come across one that is my type he is always taken. Always. And the ones who like me are not ever my type. I can't seem to find that balance.

 

 

What is your type? I think you're concerned about image so much that you only like guys that are "all that" and view anyone with a reasonable amount of humility as "social anxiety"

 

My dad was married to the wrong person and then found my mother.

 

And you were maybe taught that when you were growing up as it is the most emotionally palatable stance. You mentioned many times in this thread about how the way feel is proper motivation to do whatever you want.

 

Life isn't all about your feelings.

[MN randomguy]

Everybody is coupled up with somebody(male or female) in my area because most people do not like to be alone.

 

 

What area is this. Maybe you need to surround yourself with people that aren't so cowardly. Try moving to Nebraska or something.

[MeaganRaye]

What is your type? I think you're concerned about image so much that you only like guys that are "all that" and view anyone with a reasonable amount of humility as "social anxiety"

 

No, not just image but his personality too. I like to read, visit museums, bikeriding, I don't seem to find any guys who have the same interest as me and like to discuss the same type of topics that I do.

 

I've been thinking about buying me a bottle of champagne and just having a few drinks to get my mind off of things

[Scottdmw]

Hi MeaganRay,

 

I think you need to do something significantly different in your attempts to meet men. Really get outside your comfort zone (though I'm not sure the "sugardaddy thing" is a good idea). Attend some new events where single people are, especially if they are events you would have fun at anyway even if you don't meet someone that particular time. Here are some things that have worked for me:

 

-website "meetup.com"--hundreds of different interest groups in your area

-online dating--really put some time in like 5 hours/week replying to people and commit to meeting some in person even if you're not sure

-church young adult groups if you are religious

-other interest groups

-classes

-volunteer work

 

I've gone a lot farther than many people I know with some of this, and at the end of it all I'm in a place in my life where social events roll into my email inbox much faster than I can attend them. During the periods when I'm single I usually have an option on some kind of social event every single night of the week. I meet good people all the time.

 

These suggestions are cliche but they work if you really do them. If you spend 10 hours/week doing different things than you've done before I would almost guarentee results. Basically, get on the internet and other venues and search for new things to do and don't stop until you're meeting a lot of people.

 

Scott

[Dexter Morgan]

This is the reason why a lot of women resort to sharing a man.

 

keep telling yourself whatever bs it is to justify your view that being with a MM absolves you of any responsibility of doing the right thing.

[sb129]

Having all the same interests isn't a pre-requisite for a happy relationship.

[BobSacamento]

Haha everyone knows there is ying and yang. There are people who depend on companionship and those who do not. Just like there is an up and there is a down.