Seperated-How Long to be Patient?

[WishIWasntHere]

Heres the quick story. Im 39 and shes 35. Married 11 years and she just walked out on me with no notice,moved to her brothers for a week then got her own place. She showed up with an army and cleaned out the entire house except my personals in 3 hours. It dosent matter that she took it- things will trade out fine if the divorce happens. We had normal marital issues but nothing I thought would kill us. I did at that time drink too much- but sober for 103 days. It has now been 104 days since she left. She had found an old flame of hers that she hadnt seen or spoken to for 16 years, 3 days before she left me.I would have known if she had because I kept an eye on all the phone calls and emails. I have wondered about her fidelity in the past- never found anything. Kids 13 and 15 that I didnt adopt but raised from babies almost- havent seen them since. She has had the other guy living with her for 7 weeks now. I have not been giving her any support money-but am sending spending money to the kids-probably not getting it. Money has got to be really tight for her as he is not working. She dosent answer calls or texts from me and sometimes responds. She definetly tries real hard to limit contact. I want this to work out and am willing to let her have however long it takes. I put 11 years into this so whats the problem with another year going by waiting? I know that we do love each other- yes she loves me. I filed papers about a month ago but withdrew them after thinking I dont even want a divorce anyways. I am not a doormat but am learning it quick, I know. I really want our marriage to make it, but it does take two. The big questions- what do you think is going on in her head?What might she be thinking about?Any ideas for her to be showing this behavior?