He broke up with me because he was stressed, now i'm just full of useless hope

[ItsMe]

Basically he got so stressed over work & finals that he separated himself from everything & just focused on that, unfortunatly that meant the end of us too, BUT the most annoying thing was he insisted that he'd only been feeling this way "For the last couple of days" (Considering we'd been together over a year it was rather a slap in the face).

 

During the break up he held my hand, kissed my forehead & put his arm round me & now I just think he's a completly manipulative bastard for it. I was a completle wreck & I don't think he was expecting that much, & not onlly did i cry but so did he, like loads. Which made me feel he shouldnt be that upset if he doesn't love me.

 

3 Months go by..(Getting over it, i'm happy, lots of good days, new crush even! Yet why am I still in love with him?!)

 

We havent spoken since really, but often end up near each other (Classes close on campus & what not) & I actually catch him looking at me. Two weeks ago I said hello (for the first time) in passing & his face like lit up! & He wanted to chat small talk but his reaction shocked me I just ran off pretty much.

 

I'd utterly managed to accept for over two months that he'd never want me back, - many people actually said right after "Oh I bet in the summer he'll want you back"..

 

Ugh but now i'm either crazy or I don't know, my imagination running wild I guess...He hasn't contacted me any other way, but I think he's too scared because he knows he upset me so much.

 

Anyway I don't want him back because if he came up to me right now i'd make him live with his mistake forever, there would be no security in the relationship so I'm not going to ever say yes if the situation arose.

(Like to see if I actually have that will power though if the time actually did come!)

 

I just have no idea & feel complelty lost. I'm kind of truely happy except for this one crushing thing. I just can't shake my love for him, genuinely feel like this guys liek my soulmate or something. There's actually not one thing i'd change about him & we're both very laid back people so not once did we argue or disagree, it was very 'go with the flow' & compramise we both agreed on if one of us was busy etc. But at the same time still serious & caring for each other, great balance.

 

Not sure what else to write, basically I just feel like he might want me back, very soon. & this isnt healthy for me. I don't want to dellude myself any further.