kates29 Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Hi, Sorry this is long, but its so hard to keep it breif! I dated a guy for 2 years and we've been on and off for a third year. We broke up because there was distance created by a lack of communication. We've both dated other poeple and tried no contact but it always fails. I tend to take an approach of saying I just want to catch up, and when he breaks it he says he wants to try things again and then shortly after, he doesn't. We are in an "off" phase now for about 2 months and were not talking much and he's dating someone (about 1 month). I ran into him at a bar 2 weeks ago and after spotting me he left without saying hello. I texted telling him just saying hello would have been harmless. But he said he's not okay with a simple hello and it hurts too much. Then he called and we caught up for an hour and a half. Then nothing from him..... I was really missing him so I text this weekend to see if he'd like to catch up and he responed that he'd like that. This was in the afternoon. Later that evening, obviously drinking, he texted again telling me how nice it would be. I responded that I saw his text earlier and that we'd be in touch about it. Then he called. He fed me all this BS about missing me, wanting to see me, feeling badly that things didn't work this last time we were together, that he wanted to come over, yadda, yadda. Then he tells me he's been seeing someone for 2 weeks but he doesn't like her, he's unhappy, she's obnoxious when she drinks so he didn't invite her out with him and so on. Eventually we just got off the phone. The next morning he calls and tells me he didn't mean anything he said and he shouldn't be saying those things to me. Explains that he's been seeing the girl for a month and he's not sure about her, again listing reasons why. I was pretty upset - why would he have said those things the night before? And why is he telling ME how unhappy he is? He did say that he just really wants to be in a relationship because he's afraid of being alone and that it really frustrates him that he couldn't get to a place where he felt we were working again. He said that he does miss me and thinks about calling a lot, but usually controls it because he doesn't think it'll work out and its not the right thing to do. I asked him a lot of questions...is he contacting me like that just because he's unhappy with her, why is he with her if he's unhappy, does he date other girls just to be dating someone and not facing and dealing with us, etc. All fair questions I think. I suggested that he think about it all and asked if he'd ever consider hanging out with me regularly, like once a week, without any hooking up or pressure just to see if we get the spark back, and if we do, we'd have to talk about a lot of things before taking action on it. Just a different approach to see what would happen. He said he's afraid I'd get expectations and that he really needs to clear his head. I asked if he still wanted to meet up in light of everything that happened between the drunk and then sober conversations or if we should put it off. He said he'd still like to go. We were emailing yesterday about meeting tonight but he said he's not been feeling well and he'd have to confirm today if he's up for it (possibly an excuse maybe). So anyway, the questions is, do I go??? And how do I act if I do? I'm sure you've picked up on the fact that I'm really in love with this guy. I know meeting up may just be asking to be hurt, but at the same time, its so hard to give up any opportunity to see and talk to him because I want him back so terribly. I'm afraid if I don't go that I'm ending all chances (if there even is one) of getting back together. Whereas if I go, there is still something there, something to hold to and I feel like I have a part in his life and am on his mind. He's told me that he doesn't think its going to ever work out, and I listen that, but then these actions give me hope that maybe it will. I'm pretty stuck on thinking he does want to be with me, but just can't open up, is afraid to commit to me...I don't know. I just think there's this hump that he can't get around but that deep down he wants to be together. I find myself wanting to steer him around the hump and get clarity. Any advice/help is much appreciated. I just can't get my head in a comfortable place with either decision, going or not going...I admit that I'm in a pathetically bad spot. I just need to take control of the situation and what I want, I just don't know how to go about it.
TaraMaiden Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 "He feeds you bull****"... What does it taste like? is it unpleasant? maybe the sugar-coated topping you keep pouring over it improves the flavour for you. Stop pouring the topping on, and eat it au naturel. See what it tastes like after this..... I'm sorry to say it like that, but really. try reading your post as if you had not written it, and you saw it for the first time on a forum. What would you say to the poster....? _/l\_
smookie Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I do not think that he is sure what he wants. I think that he is stringing you along as a "just in case". I would just leave it all alone and let him miss you. Let him feel like what life will be without you. This boy/guy wants his cake and eat it too. Trust me I did drunk texts and calls.... Leave him alone and take time to get over him. Read through my past posts from I think 2 years ago. I was hung up on this guy only for the same things to happen. I am alot happier now that he is gone and I have found someone worthy of my time as he treats me with love care and most of all respect.
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