Begging mood

[PinkRibbon]

I am in such a begging mood. I miss him so much today. I can't stand it. This is driving me absolutely crazy not being able to see him or talk to him. It feels hard to breathe and just get through the day.

 

I want to beg and beg and beg him today. I want to email him, call him, go to his house anything that it may take to get him to just open the door to talk to me. I want to text him and tell him that I would do anything to just get the chance to try again.

 

I would walk to the ends of this earth for that pudgy little man. I would do what ever it takes to have him back. Why in the world does this happen to me???? Why??

 

I am slowly going crazy and I don't know how much more I can take. I want to just have an opening to go through and try. Why can't I get one? Just one?

[bluewolf17]

Tell me you didn't Pink? Did you? Noooo! Lol. I know. I actually did the whole "show up at the house" thing. I was afraid if I called, he wouldn't answer. It didn't change anything, and it only made me feel like a total loser. Here I was showing up at his house all destressed, and he was in pajamas, whatching sports not caring at all.

 

I just know the times I really wanted to reach out and just beg, I always tried to justifiy it. I would think I was being passionate, and showing commitment, or how much I love him. Truth it, if he broke up with me, then he probably doesnt care about those things anymore. Plus I always felt worst after.

 

Hang in there! Aren't you all moved into your new home?

[PinkRibbon]

Hey Bluewolf,

No I didn't go to his house. LOL He lives an hour from where I work. But I did chew my fingers off and sent him an email. I was so excited about my new house and bummed that I couldn't tell him so i emailed and told him about it.

 

I think I am having a rotten day because he joined Match.com within the last few days. Why would he do that when a perfectly good woman wants him right here? He doesn't need to search I am right here...I am his heaven he said.

 

I don't close until the 29th of this month so I am packing up and getting ready. When I am not asleep and crying I pack. Pretty lame of me.

 

Is that the one you are working on getting back together with? Maybe it worked????

 

Still I wish he would talk to me that's all just talk and try and figure out what happend so we can be back together. I feel so alone without him.

[Elpida]

Hello PinkRibbon! I was reading your story and started to cry...How much I understand you... I have to sit on my hands to stop writing to my ex... I cannot resist calling and sending SMS and messages and still trying to tell him how much I love him, how sorry I am, and I would do everything, really everything to have him back...3.5 months since the break-up (you can read my story in my earlier post), almost complete NC from his side, my first relationship, my first break-up... I honestly do not know how he feels. I know I hurt him a lot but the way I am being "punished" now is above everything I ever done to him. I do not know if he still cares. He moved to a rebound relationship straight away after breaking up with me - or rather sending SMS after 2 weeks of silence. He said he moved on. Fantastic! What about me? At least short conversation? I also turned up at his place few weeks ago. He opened the door (after all he lives few thousand miles away) but was very angry and hostile and left and we never had any conversation about this hell. I tried everything, I still have hope but you know, may be they are all right on this site - exes who damped you, whatever the reason, however good people they are - to other people or to you before - either they do not care about you anymore or they just choose to spare themselves from the pain, to move on faster, and leave you behind alone and broken... I do not not know if my ex is indifferent to me already or still loves me but I know from friends is VERY ANGRY. I presume with me. And no pleading/ begging/ promissing I will change/ make him happy/ one last chance did me any good - just exactly as they said. I feel all I need is to talk to him, to communicate, to solve some issues, to get some answers, to understand if we can still be together but I cannot get through... So you know, after trying to do what my heart tells me to do and what clearly did not work, even possibly very well destroyed my last chance and got him even more pissed off, I am going on a complete NC for as long as I can. Well, I have nothing to loose after all. Of course, all cases are different, and I still believe in fairytales, at least in my fairytale as we have been together in love and commitment for 12 years, but my hopes are diminishing quickly... May be at least NC will make him to wonder what happened to me... I wish you luck, and be strong but believe me, I know the pain very well...It is the worst pain I ever had in my life...

[notalone]

First of all, I am so glad I found this forum. It is nice to know that one is not the only sad miserable brken-hearted sod in the world.

 

Pink and Elpida,

 

I am very sorry to report that no amount of begging or showing up at their houses does any good. It has been only 2 months since I flew several thousand miles to show up in his city after 2 weeks of near silence. All i got was 1. emotional lecture about how we were not meant to be, 2. extereme hostility and verbal abuse and 3. eight days alone in a hotel room alone stuck fixed-date plane tickets.

 

I come back home and log into facebook to find him and his gf beaming and hugging from various pics on his page. I can tell you PinkRibbon, that effing hurt. So, I get your point about Match.com.

 

It almost makes me doubt my faith in God. Nobody deserves so much pain.

[EmperorR]

we all want to beg somedays but it will get you nowhere and then you will feel worse than before. All begging will do is reaffirm him that he made the right decision that your annoying nagging etc. Trust me I've been there, I freakin begged and pleaded for weeks for a cheater yeah I was dumb and all I did is push her away to the point of hating me.

[bluewolf17]

Hi Pink Ribbon,

 

 

I can't beleive he joined Match.com. But how did you know that? Did he reply to your email?

 

I am very excited for your move. I think it will be really good for you. Change is always nice (especially when it's on your terms). I felt more in control with my move. Like this is somewhere he hasn't been and doesn't know about, and it's fresh. There are no memories of him there yet. Does that make sense?

 

And no, my comment about showing up at his house was a ex I had before my current one. We dated almost 4 yrs as well and I was addicted to that very bad relationship. I look back on it and wish I hadn't been so needy and pathetic. I think that is part of why I am doing better with this current break up. I don't want to look back and think "man, I acted like a psycho!".

Anyways just know I am thinking of you and are hoping for the best.

[PinkRibbon]

Hi guys,

thanks for the wonderful replies. It is great to know and be reminded that I am not the only one in this boat. Sometimes I wish I had never even met him and was just skipping on my way.

 

But I did get an email back that said "if there is to be an us we have lot of talking to do. No yelling or arguments. he will be home toinght to come over." he signed it Piggy. (his nickname I gave him)

 

So should I go? I am scared to go now. What a wenie. I want the chance to talk now I get it and I am scared to go.

[bluewolf17]

Pink Ribbon,

 

I too, found a lot of comfort in knowing others where out there in the same situation.

 

So he emailed back..hmm. Well, you need to get your things, right? If you think it's going to be too hard for you, have a friend go with you.

If I were you, I would go over there looking great. Not dressed to the nines, but looking good. Be kind, be upbeat. Tell him you just need your things back, and get them and leave. Don't wait around. Don't expect too much. I read somewhere on this board (don't remember who, sorry!) said "expectations are premeditated resentment". And it's true.

 

If he brings up the relationship, then talk about it. But dont get too emotional, and don't do anything that you would regret. Basically, be the fabulous women you are. Not the broken, lonely person that you sometimes feel like. Leave him guessing, leave him wanting you. Don't overstay.

 

I guess that's about it. I wish you the best of luck! Let us know how it went!

[Elpida]

Hello, you see, the problem is (if I may say so) my ex fiancee is a wonderful person. He has always been loving, faithful and supportive. I hurt him (by promissing again and again but not coming over to his country). After 12 years we know each other so well. Ok, may be not so well following the way he broke up with me and found another woman straight away. How can I pretend I do not care when he knows I do?!? And I know he cares too, and possibly still loves me but he is too hurt and afraid even to see me! He has lots of pain, anger and denial related to his past, our past. My problem is how to "force" him to talk to me at least... All my "forceful" attempts to contact him end in disaster for me and NC from his side. So now I am trying my last card and do complete NC for as long as I can or at least untill he contacts me (if). But if he does, should I pretend I am not interested for a while? Or say to him, yes, I love you, take me back? You see, it is difficult to pretend with the person who has been your other half for 12 years... Plus I have this strong feeling if we talk while "we" are still fresh in each other hearts and memories I could "break" his wall...I never ever thought this will happen to us...

[PinkRibbon]

Ok I went to the ex's looking nice. Wore the same color I wore when we first met. Red...he always talked about me having red on the night i met him. So I got there and he told the people in his garage they had to go home and he walks over and gives me this long hug. And says he misses me.

So he asks about the house and wanted to see it so I drove him by and he is all excited about it for me. Talking about the stuff I can do and how much fun it will be.

We get back to his place just a mile and a half down the road and we talk. We talk about the break up and what caused it and how we both participated in it. We both apologized and accepted apologies.

He said it has been terrible without me. He said his eyes hurt, he can't sleep,(and he is a sleeper), he has a pain in his chest and he is jumpy all the time. He may have been mad but he never stopped loving me and he still does.

I asked about the match.com and he said that was one of the reason he emailed me. He made his profile and roamed around and he said he realized he didn't want to look at other women. He didn't want another girlfriend that he wants what he had. He wants the girlfriend in front of him. He said the other grass is full of weeds so it in not always greener. And he doesn't want me to go look at other men.

He wants back what we had. He said he misses me and my daughter and he will never leave again. He wants to be together and he doesn't want to be apart.

 

Basically half was me getting the house and this I understand. I always move, always, And for the last year my mother has been jumping around to move and I feed off of her. She is very negative and unhappy and I let her put that on me so I try and do what she wants. So when I bought found my house I told her no more. I am not moving with her I am staying and never leaving. I am through do what she wants. She is not happy but hey I am a big girl. So he is so happy I am not going anywhere. he has had to live with me moving at the drop of a dime. And the argument pushed him out the door because of that. I can see because I already knew that anyway. Even from my point of view I could see it before he said it.

 

So anywho I received my customary 3 calls and 2 message already today and he is cooking dinner at his house tonight. he did make the comment that I will be 1.4 miles down the road from him the rest of my life.....unless I move in with him. (Heck no techno I just bought a house no moving again hahahahah)

 

he did go talk to my daughter and apologize to her. He said it would take baby steps but he hopes he can win her back also.

 

So what do you think?? I feel pretty good and really can see what we talked about.

 

Oh yea we had tickets to PINKS Extreme and he took a friend who go drunk and sick and they had to leave halfway though the races. HAhahahaha serves him right.

[bluewolf17]

Pink,

 

That is great! Sounds like your man had to do some thinking, and realized what a catch you are. And Definetly keep that house!

 

I don't want to take away from the happiness, but just be careful this time. It's obvious you both really love eachother, but don't be so quick to let everything back in. Baby steps is the right way!

 

Best of luck.

[PinkRibbon]

Thanks Bluewolf. He cooked dinner and bought fresh fruit. Knows I love mixed fruit after dinner and he bought each of us a rose mixed with pink carnations. I thought that was really sweet. We ate and played out in the yard then I came home. Didn't want to over stya so I said 2 hours was long enough. He is going out of town tomorrow night and will be back Sunday. So I told him have a great time, I am going to look at paint and Lowes.

 

He just called and said he had a great time with us being over and he feels he made the right choice and he loves us.

 

So I am keeping my fingers crossed but it will take me awhile to get comfortable again but I am not going to stress it. He has already made plans for the 3 of us to go camping Memorial weekend. So hey sounds pretty good so far. Keep you posted!