betrayed1 Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Looks like me and Betrayed Mama know the same guy! I have been living with my fiance for 3 years, we have been engaged for 2 years. He was pulling the same crap with 3 different emails, chatting and sex flirting with over 300 women. I confronted him in November and he stopped and disabled the emails. Now, by his studpidity, i see he has opened another new email in April. He has responded to several craigslist postings for sex. I told him last time, if I caught him doing this stuff again, it would be over. It is just such a hassle. how do you break up with someone who shares a lease with you? I'm I over reacting? Do you think he is really meeting these girls? By the way......our sex life is non existent. Someone give me some sane advice! Please........
bluechocolate Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Someone give me some sane advice! I give you your own words: I told him last time, if I caught him doing this stuff again, it would be over.
Author betrayed1 Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Do you think I am being pettie? Do I ruin a 3 year relationship over his email account? I am worried we will break up and he wont leave the house we rent together. I am in no position to go out and get another place with a security deposit. i am just so confused.
pkn06002 Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 He called your bluff If you let this slide he knows you are not serious, which will only get worse as time goes on. You set the ultimatum can you back it up?
GorillaTheater Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 You're not being petty at all; what he is doing is far, far over the line of acceptable behavior. And if my wife of 25 years was doing anything similar, I would seriously consider our marriage (so no, no free passes because of a "mere" three years). Were I you, unmarried and no kids (presumably), I would end it. At the very least, I would (as you indicated) give him absolutely no more chances and make it clear that if anything like this happens again, you'll be gone in a flash. Pre-marriage counseling may be helpful. But no, you're not overreacting.
Author betrayed1 Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 he doesn't know that I know about this new email. (yet) I have been dropping some hints about craigslist being sleazy and thought I would watch his email to see if he stops using it. I do know that he checks it everyday at work. He doesn't do this stuff at home.......only at work! I don't understand why they haven't caught him on their server yet. (It is a small company of about 20) He travels alot and I have just lost all trust in him. At home he is sweet to me and says that I am his "soul mate". I do have a 10 year old son from a previous marriage that does not live with us. I just can't trust him anymore.
Fallingstar Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 I am going to enlighten you about craiglist users, they are skanky cheating, dishonest losers. My husband did exactly what you described and yes he hooked up with 7 seperate woman in a 7 month period, and was talking with dozens more. These women were easy, they would meet for coffee and then **** in our van, some didn't even need coffee. Some he hooked up with more then once others were a one time thing. You are kidding yourself if you think he is not cheating. Why don't you answer one of his ads and arrange to meet him, then you will know for sure. It has been hell for me save your heartache and kick his lying cheating ass to the curb. Trust me on this one!
Author betrayed1 Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 I don't think he posts on clist himself.......just replied to 5 different ads with the reply of "wanna hook up today". I just don't know how to get out of this relationship. He is very vindictive. How do I get someone like this to stop being so deceitful? Maybe I am just affraid of being alone.
stuckinoz Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 I've just been reading this thread & there are one or two others kind of like it. I had NO IDEA Craigslist was like this. I just got done surfing for maybe less than 3 minutes on there...... I guess I live in a naive world....But for crying out loud - This website is DANGEROUS.......I'd say if your H or W or BF or GF is going here looking, or posting..........RUN LIKE HELL!
Mr. Lucky Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 I am worried we will break up and he wont leave the house we rent together. I am in no position to go out and get another place with a security deposit. Which is less desireable: 1). The hassle of finding and renting a new place 2). The thought of sharing his private parts with numerous random women so desparate that they're looking for sex on Craigslist. Your choice... Mr. Lucky
Heroic Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 So your choice really comes down to do you want AIDS or the hassle of a new lease?
ForumFool Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Get out...HE IS a cheat and liar. Easier to get out now than 15 years later.....or he may toss you out if he likes one of those wanna meet today s*uts. My bet is he is going around the firewall at work...and hooks up at lunch or before/after work. He could be taking time off work too.....
NoIDidn't Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Why do you feel that your leaving him for cheating is ruining a 3-year relationship? Isn't his cheating what's ruining the relationship? Not to mention, time invested in a relationship does not speak to its actual quality. I think you should follow through with your threat. pkn0602 is a remorseless serial cheater. If he says that your man called your bluff, I'd believe him.
Author betrayed1 Posted May 7, 2009 Author Posted May 7, 2009 I am just livid! I am at work......he has the day off........he is sitting at home chatting online! Added 5 more of his chat girls to his account today! I think you all seem to agree that this is cheating! There is no good time to break up! I have my family coming over for mothers day and I am out of town on business all next week! All of these girls have id's like "married cheating wife" and stuff like that! I am just so livid right now I can't even think! How do I even begin to get rid of him......the sick thing is that I still love him very much.....I just feel so betrayed!
Owl Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 You SHOULD feel betrayed. And you need to let him suffer some serious consequences for his choice to betray you in this fashion. If he doesn't...there's reason to expect him to change...ever. Make sense?
soserious1 Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I am just livid! I am at work......he has the day off........he is sitting at home chatting online! Added 5 more of his chat girls to his account today! I think you all seem to agree that this is cheating! There is no good time to break up! I have my family coming over for mothers day and I am out of town on business all next week! All of these girls have id's like "married cheating wife" and stuff like that! I am just so livid right now I can't even think! How do I even begin to get rid of him......the sick thing is that I still love him very much.....I just feel so betrayed! My EX cruised craig's list for women quite frequently, he's now living with one of them.
CorvetteKitten Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Do I ruin a 3 year relationship over his email account? sweetie, he is the one ruining it. he knows very well the consequences of his actions yet chooses to do it anyways. hes already chosen what he cares about more, and I hate to tell you it but its not you! move on. Leases can be broken..
Author betrayed1 Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 I finally got the nerve to confront him and he denied having the "extra" email. After a while he did admit to it. I told him it is me or the email girls. He said he did not want to lose me and closed the email. How do I ever trust him again? He has told me before that he "would not do it again", but then he did. Now the same line......"I won't do it again". I discussed my trust issues and he told me to get over it. how do I do that? I need to somehow get my trust back or move on. i really do love him and want this to work out. Any advise?
Owl Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Marriage counseling. Insist on it. Also...make it clear to him that if he does this again...or anything similar...he WILL lose you. He needs to know that there are dire consequences to these actions...and that you ARE fully capable and willing to implement those consequences if he does not stop. PERIOD. Then, work with your MC to find ways to improve your marriage...on BOTH sides. Your H needs to be doing the work to repair the damage he's done with this behavior, and he needs to work to rebuild your trust in him. You can do your part by finding out what emotional needs HE has that aren't being met. But you're NOT going to be able to do this alone. Do NOT let your husband call the shots on this...INSIST on counseling as a condition to accepting him back after what he's done.
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