rainbowbrite Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 (this might be sorta long sorry! but i think i figured him out. please respond) me and him are early 20s btw. so i posted a few days ago on here that my ex was 'messing with me.' and i'll just recap and see what you guys think. so i did nc for around 4 months solid. i called him up one day, and ever since then we have been talking maybe 4 to 5x a week for a few hours each time, either on aim or on phone. so he asked me to hang out with him, so i sed yah. he picks me up from my house, takes me to the movies, pays for me, takes us to our special beach place, gives me his jacket wen i was cold, opens the door, brushes my hair away from my face, kisses me on the forehead, smiles at me, stares at me in the eyes, and we made out after our date wen he dropped me off...passionately for like a full hour, he stared at me in the eyes for like 5 minutes strait while this love song was playing, lyrics were about how he thinks about me everyday and im the only one he loves. so it was really intense, we didnt do anything x-rated or anything tho lol. it was prettty innocent. he knows i wont have sex with him, and he respects that. he said hes not looking for that, cuz hed be wasting his time. he asked me if its cool if we see eachother again. anyway i could feel him pulling away from me almost immediately after that. like at first no, but then i could feel something shift in our dynamic. i called him during the weekend and i asked him to hang out and he said he already made plans and hes like sorry about that. and being nonchalant. i sed wen r we gona hang out again, and hes like umm i duno. i was so pissed off, i had to hang up almost immediately. and then i called him back a half hour later in tears, i didnt want to show him my vulnerability but i couldnt control it. i say to him, i felt as though you had feelings for me wen u took me out last week, and hes like 'i dont kno where u got that idea from, i dont have feelings for you. i have feelings for my other ex.' and this is the girl he left me for. i was FLOORED. hes like 'i thought we were just friends. i thought i made it clear', umm no, we never talked about that. he started getting like really angry and kinda yelling like. it would never work out, were wrong for eachother, we fight too much. bla bla. i told my best friend later and she was like. hes so crazy, so she calls him and shes like ... why did u take my best friend on a date. and hes like ummm, it wasnt a date. why is he denying that we went on a date? am i missing soemthing here? and then he says there is absolutely no chance for us, no what ifs and its over, and that he thought we were just friends. but its like i felt the chemistry between us, i felt it radiating through him, i dont think i am in denile here. his away message the next day was like this weird love song. with lyrics like 'just leave me alone, ur creeping in my life, and u have me going crazy.' for someone with no feelings, he wouldnt be doing that. but this is what i think...over the past 2 months of talking like every day he reveals a bunch of weird secrets to me, like one day we talked for around 4 hours strait about how he is so scared of getting hurt again, and he is so scared of woman and cant trust anyone. he said strait up 'im scared of falling in love' he said if he fell in love again and got hurt, he doesnt think hed b able to go on with life. and that he will prob be like that for a long time.' with someone with no feelings for me, why is he telling me this? that is very personal. he told me he purposely pushed me away wen we were dating because he thought i would end up hurting him, so he wanted to hurt me first, and he dumped me because he freaked out. but he apologised for it. he had to go but he said hed call me back, he never did, and after that he pulled away and i didnt hear from him again for like another 4 days. i was confused by that. and he never mentioned that again. it seems like everytime he gets too close to me, he runs. and i didnt do anything to deserve this. wen we were dating hed always say things like. he thinks im going to hurt him because im 'too good for him' i kno this sounds conceided, but i am a 'trophy gf.' and he would take me around his friends, so his self esteem would rise wen they would hit on me, and compliment him for dating me. he has no self esteem. he was like i doubt ud want to be with me if im still in school in a few years and ur long graduated. cuz i was always the better looking one, with the better education, more money, etc. so wen he dumped me, he got someone extremely unnattractive, in the same boat as him, and i think he did that on purpose because he knows hes better than her, and he always said im better than him. he says we cant be together because we are 'vastly two diff ppl' if thats the case, why do we talk everyday for hours and hours, and why would he want to be 'friends' with someone who is so diff from him? in conclusion, i think he is lieing to himself or to me, it seems blatantly obvious he has feelings for me that he doesnt want to address. and clearly we went on a date, but hes denying it now. i dont kno what to do about this i want to be like. i know you are lieing, be honest with me. but he would just deny it, and make it sound like im crazy. someone please help me get through to him, i want to do something, but i dont know what. help.
monkeymaid Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 hes really scared!!! you both need to bust down your walls slowly, 1 interaction at a time give him a few days, dont accuse him of anything, and just slowly reconnect. phone calls, little hang outs, ...just small victoreis in the relationship ...i mean slowly, like over the course of months
Author rainbowbrite Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 hes really scared!!! you both need to bust down your walls slowly, 1 interaction at a time give him a few days, dont accuse him of anything, and just slowly reconnect. phone calls, little hang outs, ...just small victoreis in the relationship ...i mean slowly, like over the course of months ya i kno what you mean. but he KEEPS denying me, i feel like a psycho! can u tell me what makes you think that?
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