brokenglass Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 My life, the past few weeks, has been better. I've lost an enormous amount of weight (all deliberately, healthy, etc) and I feel really good about how I look. I've started doing my hair a bit differently, my clothes look better on me, I feel great, etc. I'm having an off day. I went to pick up my son yesterday after work to take him out for the day, and his mother told me she "had to go clean with her father", something she's done every Monday for the past 3 or 4 weeks now and always arrives back at the house rather late, which is fine. Well yesterday, she told me she had to "clean" again and then had a client to go see afterwards and would be back at the house around 8. So, I timed our day so I'd bring our son home around 9ish. I figured she'd be home, relaxed and ready to see me, maybe sit down and talk about how our weeks have gone, she needs some more stuff from the house, etc. Well I got back at 8:50 and she wasn't anywhere to be seen and her mother had no idea where she was. I didn't ask any questions. I waited around for about 20 minutes, wrote her child support check, dropped off some stuff she wanted to look through and decided to leave before she got back. As I left she called her mother to tell her she was just getting ready to leave wherever she was at. I was a bit upset, I did want to see her, maybe I didn't. I don't know. I seem to get emotionally off track whether or not I see her on Mondays. Today has been a little difficult, like I said I was hoping to at least see her for a few minutes before I left and talk about our son and what not, and when she wasn't there I suppose my feelings were hurt. It doesn't help that she didn't even text or call or message me to apologize (like she normally would), and I didn't contact her at all to express my feelings. I'm getting this overwhelming sense that shes deliberately ignoring me and avoiding me, shes not out "cleaning" or "seeing clients", she's probably out seeing some dude she's interested in. I know its none of my business either way and I should only be worried about time with my son (which I was), but it still hurts to be once again told something by her only to have my feelings hurt. I really, really wish I could just let her go and forget it. The lack of communication from my part when we do talk is having a strange effect, she seems to message me more over the internet when shes online but even then, I keep my answers and responses to a minimum and I do it on purpose. I want to remain somewhat of a mystery and possibly make her interested. I doubt its working though. I imagine once I am dating a new woman I will think about her a LOT less than I do now, which isn't even a whole lot compared to months ago. But on that front, women don't take me seriously. Not entirely sure why, but I'm getting sick of talking to a woman only to hear she's dating or married, and then when a friend of mine or another guy talks to them they suddenly become single. I never understand that...and it sometimes makes me feel I'll end up being lonely forever. lol So much for a short rant...I'm gonna read some of my books, those always uplift me just a little bit out of these funks.
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