How do you deal with insecurities?

[Mountainlove]

Lately I feel so insecure and I feel so stupid for it as I know my boyfriend loves me very much. There is not really anything which triggers it but in one way I am afraid to loose him. Do you also have/had these insecurities and if yes how did you deal/dealt with them? We are not together that long (3 months now) so that does not help either.

 

Many thanks for all your help

[Rollercoasterr]

To be in an LDR you have to be very secure of your relationship. I've said it once before and I'll say it again, but I think that 3 months is too short of a time for someone in ANY type of relationship to know that they truly love each other. But especially in an LDR where the overall excitement of being with someone and having so much communication can lull you into thinking that it's love. However, I could be wrong and I'd love for someone to prove me that way. But if you're insecure NOW when it's just starting then I think that you need to have a talk about it and let him know WHY you're insecure and find out if he feels the same about you.

 

I have felt insecure in mine at some point, but I have a tiny reason to be since technically we've been going for about 6 years and we broke up once and were with different people. We were still in love and knew it, but things kept us from each other. It's not healthy for the relationship to dwell on such things, but it's even worse not to talk about them and try and make it better. So I don't agree whatsoever with people who will try and tell you not to say anything to your SO and see if you get over it. Because it will just eat you away until you're resentful of him and of the relationship.

 

Overall, I say good luck. I hate to be the cynic on the LDR forums but I've seen enough of these wonderful ladies on here(Cora, for one) get their hearts trampled all over.

[Ill Biskits]

I think even if you were the most confident bugger around, I'd say the time frame you've been with him would still pull you down a bit. So try to remind yourself, you're not the problem, it's rather that your intimacy level's still climbing. For now, take each day as it comes, and when you reach the six month mark after going on strong and stready for another three months, you'll definitely believe your own words when you exclaim "he doesn't want to lose me either".

[sinkerswim]

I get that way, too.

What I do is write down everything sweet that he says to you..and the day he said it. go back and read what you wrote when you feel down.

This will help a bit with insecurities!

You are still new to the LDR..I know it is tough!!

I was with my guy for 2.5 doing LDR...then we moved in together. He Broke up with me this past January and I had to move back to pa..... and now we are back together doing LDR and going to see each other for the first time since Feb 1st.. at the end of May! He wants me to move in with him again!

 

 

GL to you!! You will be fine!

[Island Girl]

There are bound to be insecurities.

 

And they alone can break the relationship up.

 

Talking about what you are feeling should help but you also can not just keep going back to the same thing over and over.

That is why there needs to be a clear guideline about what the expectations are on both sides.

Obviously 100 calls/messages a day is over doing it quite a bit. LOL

 

It has always helped me that my husband does exactly what he says he is going to do.

-- Well, minus a couple of times with extenuating circumstances.

This gives me absolute confidence in him.

But we have been at this a long time.

 

LDRs come with their own set of insecurities and as people have been saying here things have moved along kind of quickly for the two of you. It is exciting and wonderful but it can also add to those insecurities.

And women are more prone to these fears than men.

 

Talk with him. Tell him what you are feeling. Don't try to keep it bottled in and handle it yourself. It will only grow into a larger problem.