Ayla Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Some of you know my story - but for those who dont feel free to have a read of my threads for background. But in a nutshell - my ex bf and I were together for just under 2 years. We moved to another country together and I love him to bits. 6 weeks ago he broke up with me, there were not any warning signs that it was going to happen (and trust me I have racked my brain). I honestly thought we were really happy, and only the week before he told me that what we had (relationship wise) was better than what most people had. We were talking about future travel plans, jobs and moving to another country and our sex life was great. Anyway - all of a sudden he announcd he wanted to be single and did not want to be responsible to someone else for his actions (ie calling when he was running late etc). 3 days after we broke up he slept with some s**t - just sex. Which hurt so much. even 2 weeks after breaking up he had not told anyone. I have not heard from him since 4 days after we broke up. I moved back to my home country. What I actually wanted to tell you is that although I am hurting so much, and I miss him and love him madly. After having good talks with my Dad and a counsellor - I know why he broke it off with me, and I somewhat understand why. I also somewhat understand why he slept with someone else. Unfortunately his actions are textbook commitment phobe (CP). Loking back on our relationship - I can see the signs that he was CP. I can even sorta understand why I have not heard from him. So in the last 6 weeks I have been trying to get my life back in order - looking for jobs, catching up with my friends and not let my heartbreak hold me back. My friends think I am one of the strongest people that they know given that I have not broken down completely after having everything taken away from me (my home, my new country, my financial stability, my friends and the guy I wanted to grow old with) and to come back to my home country and start again. Because I understand why he has broken up with me, and why he is acting the way he did/is, it has given me an inner strength. It is his problem - not mine. I did everything that a great gf would do...but nothing I could have done would have changed the outcome. I will still stand by that he does love me, and also that he will regret his choice one day. Yet in the mean time the stronger I get, and the more I get my life back in order - the more I am being able to move on. I will always love him and he will always hold a special place in my heart. We have millions of good memories and nothing he did or said can take that away from me. I have told him that I do not hate him and that I would like to speak with him when he is ready tp accept responsibility for his actions and the hurt he caused. For now I am happy working on myself and not really into the thought of being with someone else. I just wanted to share my strength with you and hope that it gives you some hope for the future too. Everything happens for a reason and that reason will be made clear one day.
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