Perrier Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 :confused:Hi guys, Me 38 yr old female, currently seeing guy for seven years who is two years older than me. Although I'd like the relationship to be more serious (we rarely go places together) I feel he may not be receptive cos I noticed attempts to pull things closer result in him becoming busy or stuff like that. The relationship has split twice before when I felt taken for granted and he split things when he couldnt find time for me and another time he went to live with a woman he just met cos he overstayed his rent free place and couldn’t stay with mum cos they've been on bad terms for most of his life. This woman chucked him out after five months and destroyed all his research work and property (he is a university lecturer) cos he upset her too many times then he was forced to go back to his mum's. His poor relationship with his mum (whom he said he hated and who hated him), he took it out on me, also both our parents are seperated, his dad is dead 12 years, he is an only child with five living relatives apart from mum but there is no contact there. He relationship now is much better with his mum. My mother left the family when we were young and lives 3,000 miles away, has no contact with us, so me and my siblings grew up with my dad only. I have never blamed anyone for this as everybody had problems. Because of this I've always tried to empathise with ppl who have problems. I've never discussed my problems with him cos I didn't think he'd be interested. He has behaved how he likes, disappears then resurfaces, calls off the relationship claiming he told me it was the end etc. I have put my foot down in the last two years though so am happy about that. Recently during an argument started by him he threw all my family problems in my face and this greatly upset me. Days later when I phoned him after he had been hiding, he apologised saying it happened during a heated quarrel, I said I dont throw his stuff at him in a quarrel. I said I considered a verbal apology easy to say over the phone, that it isn't showing me anything actionwise. He made it clear that I have to accept it or not, that he is not going to write anything cos he doesnt want to and that he is sorry to say that is all he has for me. When I continued to complain he told me he is not going to listen to me repeat myself and he began laughing. I got cross, told him it is insulting to be laughed at, that I do not laugh at him. Sometime during arguments he swears at me and I am the one to extend the olive branch after. I dont know how you do this with someone you respect or care about, maybe some ppl are different. I am angry, I feel someone who cares would make that effort to write unless I am being unreasonable there? I don’t feel verbal over phone is weighty enough for that type of misdemeanor. Also he helps his friends at the drop of a hat with their problems, if anything is bothering me I keep it to myself cos he was indifferent on two occasions in the past and this put me off. We live 30 mins drive away from each other, he has his own place on and off for last five years, got thrown out cos couldnt pay the rent so went back to mum, saved up and is back in the same flat again. We haven't seen each other since November last year, he says he is busy and is going through a lot of S**T with family etc. One of his friends died recently, he texted me this. He has contacted me three times in five months, I thought he could make more effort or maybe I am unreasonable cos he is having problems at the mo? It seems to be me keeping the ball rolling and he hides after an argument which he starts or if I get upset with him. I have to say I am losing respect for him and feel angry (with him and myself too) and don't feel anything for his supposed problems now I don't understand why he behaves like this. Outwardly he is educated and charismatic and seems to have a wide circle of friends. Myself I am less outgoing but am quite independent and happy with the simple things in life I have now composed a SMS text to him (throwing all his probs back at him - not the way I know) which I havent sent yet but am planning on doing so soon. I think this guy should know how it feels for a change to have painful stuff chucked at him. I know this is a long text but thanks for reading guys. Take care
Lishy Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 move on honey, it will not get any better and it is not good enough for you
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