So complicated & I'm . Any insight ?!

[t0ri]

I'll keep this as brief as possible.

 

So my boyfriend of a little over two years dumped me in late February, seemingly out of the blue. We originally agreed to go on a "break" but then I logged onto my social-networking sites to find that he changed his relationship status from "in a relationship" to "single." Then he ignored me for days when I tried to discuss whether or not we were over. So I showed up at his apartment and he ends up telling me he wants a breakup, not a break, because he "doesn't want to be in a relationship right now and is sick of fighting and drama." So I accept it and don't say a word to him for three weeks. 2 or 3 times in the three weeks we weren't speaking, he sent me mean text messages like, "I'm so much happier without you" while he was drunk.

 

Then we come in contact and began discussing what exactly went wrong in our relationship, and he basically tells me that he's still in love with me, and thinks he made a mistake in dumping me. So to make a long story somewhat shorter, we agree that we'll go back to being on a "break" and not a "breakup" because he said that I'm the only one he can imagine marrying and having children with, loves me, misses me, etc. We agreed that we were going to start fresh, try and forget the past, and take things slow rather than rushing right back into where we left off. He said he was going to take me on dates, and we were both going to work on the issues we brought to the relationship.

 

So all goes well for a few weeks, maybe a month. Although, he never took me on any date as promised. We hung out once or twice a week, texted all day as usual, and fell asleep together on the phone every night (something we've done our entire relationship). During all this time, he was sweet, told me every day probably more than once that he loved me, misses me, is thinking about me, etc.

 

Then two weeks ago, I ask him if I can stop by his apartment to say hi, and he accepts. So I go over, and he tells me that I can come in for awhile and hang out with him and his friends that were there, but not stay long as he wants to get to bed early. This was weird to me because he normally expects or begs me to spend the night with him. So I got a little irritated and told him I'd just leave instead of chillin with his friends, and I walked to my car. Then I second guess my reaction and tell him that actually, I'll come inside and hang out. To which he tells me that I cannot come in, and I need to leave, because his friend that was there just told him that Jen and Kelly are coming over. (So Kelly - is this girl he and his friend had made a bet about which of them could screw her first, when he and I first broke up. And Jen, is his old friend who has a boyfriend). So I got upset that he was making me leave just because two girls were coming over, one of which he claimed at one point to want to screw. So it turns into a fight and he eventually tells me, "Fine, you can come hang out with us all." I decline and leave.

 

The next day he texts me and says, "I can't handle this anymore. It's over and that's that. Goodbye." I just say ok. Then I run into him on campus and we talk. He tells me that he just doesn't want to be in a relationship and that I "flipped out" the night before for no reason, because he's not the one who invited the girls over. He said he realized that if we get back together, it's just going to go back to the same ways of fighting and other things he doesn't want to deal with apparently.

 

So it's been two weeks since then, and we have not spoken to each other whatsoever. We're both turning 22 in a few months, and I'm his first love/serious relationship/sexual experience. I dated before him, but not long term. He is my first love.

 

Some background info: Both times that he has "ended things" in the past few months, it came after discussing our relationship with his friend/s. One of his closest friends seems to have a problem with us being together because he liked me at the same time my ex and I began dating. Also, this same friend became single at the same exact time as my ex did, and my ex's roommate is single as well. Also, I got pregnant and miscarried a year and a half into our relationship, and it seems that that situation brought me closer to him, and pushed him away. Plus, I broke up with him when I was pregnant, but didn't know I was pregnant, and only did it because of raging hormones...but to this day he blames that breakup for the shift in our relationship - I think it was the pregnancy, or both.

 

And during the month or so of us beginning to get back together, he told me that he "wouldn't mind" if I got pregnant again basically. What the heck? And he tells me that I have every quality he wants in a girl. Am I just what he wants to marry but he's not ready to be serious about us?

 

He and his roommate have apparently recently gotten a beer-pong table, he's been partying, and inviting girls over. He always told me he'd never get a beer-pong table or turn his house into a party house, and that's exactly what he's doing.

 

When we last saw each other, I asked him if we were going to talk, or ever get back together, and all he said was, "I don't know." He just kept saying he doesn't want a relationship right now. So we're back to not speaking, and I'm left wondering when/if he'll ever contact me again. I just don't understand why he suddenly backed out of our relationship and decided that I, and our relationship, wasn't worth the fighting. He said he only thought about ending things with me for a week before he did it the first time.

 

I really need some opinions on what may be going on with him. Is he confused? Why did he give up on us when he was JUST telling me that I'm the one? Is he wanting to get out and experience? Why is he suddenly partying even more than usual? And the most mind-consuming thought, is he likely to contact me again?

[t0ri]

Sorry about the title of this thread, btw, I don't know what happened there!

 

I'm on day 15 of the 2nd round of no contact. It's quite easy for me to not contact him, but it's not easy wondering when/if he'll text or call me.

 

Anyone take the time to read this yet?

[Ronni_W]

No, I haven't read your first post.

 

Insofar as wondering about if/when he'll ever get in touch with you again -- you can make it easier on yourself if you consciously decide to decide that he's not going to do that...ever.

 

Your brain will take this NEW message that you give it, and will stop wondering about if/when...because you will have already provided it with the answer..."never".

 

Even if it sounds like a totally absurd and ridiculous 'tool/strategy', why not try it and see what happens?

 

Best of luck -- I do know how our obsessive thoughts can become all-consuming. If this 'tool' doesn't work, hopefully you will hit upon something else that does.