hppt89 Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 It seems that every girl I have ever been interested has always had one thing in common: absolutely no interest in me. I can hook up with girls and go on dates... but when it comes to dating or a serious relationship its like there is a giant neon sign over my head that just says DO NOT FORM A RELATIONSHIP with. I used to have hope, but after literally every time of having that hope crushed again, and again I'm starting to wonder whether it would be wiser if I just gave up and quit. I mean all I do is fail... so why not call it quits and save some time?
JohnnyBlaze Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I can't offer you any advice, as I'm in the same boat you are. However, I have one question: if you did give up, what else would you do with that extra time? My guess is that you're relatively young (late teens/early 20's)? As you get older, your priorities will align themselves. For some, it's a job. For others, it's a hobby. For some, it's love. You just have to learn what's most important in your life, and that takes time.
Author hppt89 Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 Actually mid-20's.... but you were close! And I don't know what I would do with my extra time... all I know is that at the moment I could try to fly by flapping my wings and jumping off things and I would probably make more progress in that than I am now. I'm sure I could find something else (anything else) that I can be more successful in than I am now. And probably save a ton of money too while I'm at it. And relationships with other people (romantic and not) have always been my priority in life. If I was given the choice of true love and all the money in the world as cheesy as it sounds I would have chosen love time and time again. I used to believe that there was someone out there for everyone But now I see relationships and love similar to gambling. There are some people who get it in the first go, there are some who get it after multiple gos, there are some who get it and then lose it, and then there are those who just continuously lose again, and again, and again until they are broke. I view myself at as the latter and wondering whether it would be better if I just took my chips and quit the game, there is no point in trying to obtain something you were never meant to have. Some people were born to be winners, some losers; its the way of the world, why bother fighting it?
True2form Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Hi, Hppt I'm a 21 year old girl and I know the friggin feeling. I broke up with my first long term boyfriend at 18 after a year and a month or so. From that relationship I was slightly arrogant and naive, i thought "If I made this guy fall for me, I can make anyone fall for me, right???" WRONG! I went through two and a half years of absolute hell. The same pattern over and over again and I felt just like you did. My best friend was one of these lucky bastards who just goes from one long term, three year fulfilling, growing relationship, calmly onto the next guy who will fall for her in about five seconds and be with her for ever more it seems. My pattern was two weeks or so of successful dating, a nice connection made and then bam, "You're too intense." Now, I'm aware I'm a naturally affectionate person, I've had wonderful parents and that makes you believe in love and sort of believe everyone is as loving as you are. I've had to really really work on my very open nature and even though now I'm practically perfect at "playing the dating game" I've done myself a mischeif in that the second the guy realises I'm actually a really affectionate person, not this cool, collected temptress he's been chasing, they freak out I guess. :S You sound like a confident guy, sometimes I think you have to just let love happen. It always crept up on me when i wasn't even thinking about it. I went to a party, single and bored, expecting a slightly lame house gathering and suddenly half way through the night, someone walked in that made my jaw drop, we got talking and he ended up being my boyfriend. Great! You really have to take some time out to realise that you can love yourself as single, when you do that, all of a sudden, you don't want to be in a relationship anymore because you're so happy just ignoring all that's going on around you and focusing on work or saving money or making plans with friends, and some wanker turns up and sweeps you off your feet. I learnt something very important once which was that you attract people that are a relflection of yourself. Maybe you're not very interested in yourself. Maybe you're so confident and extroverted, you've forgotten to look after your core so you're attracting, or going for women who are a bit empty, not really looking for something themselves, not really sure why they're going on a date...probably need to do a bit of soul searching themselves. Or perhaps you're so introverted, you're attracting people who are also hiding from the outer confidence that's so important in igniting a spark. I hope I've said something of use. Good luck you will find it one day but it'll sneak up like a tiger in the grass, if you sweep around looking for it, it'll just blend in with it's surroundings and hide from you.
colosseum Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Not to be critical because I don't know enough about you or your life, but maybe there is something to how you are dating and approaching these women. It seems strange to me that you'd be able to "hook up" and "go on dates" but not sustain that because you seem to know what you're doing and seem pretty confident. Maybe it's how quickly you approach the women with seriousness? How often you hang out with them? Where you're meeting the women (i.e. Spring Break in Miami doesn't seem like the best place to find people genuinely interested in relationships). I don't know enough to say much about your dating practices, but maybe (and it's a real maybe with a question mark) there is something to that. But I will ask you to never give up hope. Don't ever give up. Now, don't just blindly go on 3000 dates and do the same wrong things over and over without realizing it (though I don't think you're the type). Think about what might be happening, ask around, and try to learn from what has happened. But don't ever give up. Some of these quotations inspire me daily, and I hope you find them compelling too: "I have not failed. I've just found 10000 ways that wouldn't work." -Thomas Edison "Who dares wins." -Motto of the British SAS "You can't win if you don't play the game." -My high school tennis coach, though I wouldn't be surprised if he got it from someone else. Just my 2cents here. Good luck to you.
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