vessv6l Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 i would say "Hi Can we get together to talk" or something simle like that. I dont think that hints at you getting back together, you could even just want to be getting closure about the end of the relationship. He wont know for certain, But if whats been said about him is true im sure he would jump at the chance to speak with you. How long has it been since the night you had the fight?
Author confuzed25 Posted May 7, 2009 Author Posted May 7, 2009 tomorrow will be 6 days since the fight....what if i text him and say "hey i just wanted to apologize for the way i handled things that night, you just really hurt my feelings and i was so mad because i felt you have been lying to me the entire time ive known you, just pretending to like me." it doesnt hint at getting back together, and it lets it open for him to say how he feels.
1bee Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 arg! don't contact him! you need a man, not a boy! a real man would admit his mistake, apologize for it and then attempt to move on with you if he was really genuine. but this d**che has cut off contact and is instead posting on his myspace. why should you apologize to him? think about it. do you really want a guy that has his mom contact you and then posts immature messages on his myspace just to get you to respond. Is he worth it? is that the behavior you want out of a future man? IF HE REALLY WANTED YOU HE WOULD HAVE CALLED YOU BY NOW. Not play games like this. Telling his ex that he'll make sure you're not there is unforgivable. And you were only a month in! thank God you caught this message when you did. Men don't play hard to get if they really want something. He's a little boy. Forget him please. You deserve better. Do not lower yourself and contact him. i'm 23 myself and have observed guy friends my age and how they deal with relationships. and that guy just acts like a tool.
Cherished Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 You need to be strong - a guy who would tell an ex how much he was wanting her at his game and was working on how you would not be there....he doesn't love you or even care about you.
vessv6l Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 tomorrow will be 6 days since the fight....what if i text him and say "hey i just wanted to apologize for the way i handled things that night, you just really hurt my feelings and i was so mad because i felt you have been lying to me the entire time ive known you, just pretending to like me." I wouldnt say that in a text message. That would be reducing your standing with him if he is being a jerk. I wouldnt tell him anything about why you want to speak to him. Just organise a time to talk. Do it in person too, dont do it over the phone. If you meet with him to speak then you can tell him those things. Be honest about what you want but listen to your feelings as well. If you feel he is holding back or not telling you the truth then tell him that. If it doesnt feel right then GTFO! Think clearly about what you want to say and how you say it. You definitely want to find out about the text and his reasons behind it. Dont settle for anything but clear and concise answers. That is a big hurdle that needs to be dealt with now before you can continue the relationship if that is what you both want. If you decide to go ahead with it i wish you the best
Author confuzed25 Posted May 7, 2009 Author Posted May 7, 2009 ok i am going to be strong and not contact him. i keep reminding myself of all the things i dont like about him...the text to his ex obviously, his crazy mother, his age (i usually date guys a few years older than me, they are more mature), the fact that he works 70 hours a week and plays on 2 sports teams so i will hardly ever get to see him, he lives 40 mins away, is a big mommas boy, still lives at home even though he has the money to move out. i am just starting to miss him...i cant believe he would say how perfect i am, and how he cant believe i was ever single, that he has to pinch himself when i leave to make sure he isnt dreaming, he kept talking about all the things we would do together this summer......and then i break up with him because he messed up and he doesnt try to contact me??? WTF??? I just dont get it. And the fact that I was single for 11 months and I was genuinely happy, and i take a chance on a guy again because i think he is different and a month later it has already fallen apart and i am back to being sad again. i was looking forward to having a boyfriend over the summer, theres so much you can do together and I ALMOST had that. Ugh Im just bummed. I am both glad and sad that I found that text message. I am glad I did because I found out now, but also sad because it ruined my happiness.
Island Girl Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I am glad I did because I found out now, but also sad because it ruined my happiness. Whoa. It didn't ruin your happiness. It allowed you to continue to find true happiness with a man and not waste any more time on a tool. You found out these issues (on top of the negatives recently described in your last post i.e. momma's boy, etc.) without having to spend more time and effort than a month. Lucky YOU!!
1bee Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 i completely agree with you, island girl. this guy sounds almost like my ex. confuzed, honey. you saved yourself a lot of grief in the long run. my ex used to secretly contact his ex while we were still going out and i knew about it and let it slide. i wish to pass my knowledge onto you so you don't suffer the same fate i did. hm. he was a mama's boy as well. but do not be a doormat for a moron like this one. it is not acceptable for a guy to secretly contact his ex and not be open about it with you. find yourself a classier man than this little boy who decided it was all right to play games like this with you.
carhill Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 He still wants the ex. Momma hates the ex. He really wants the ex. OP, ouchie, but wait longer next time to have sex. At a month, you should just be getting to know each other. Waiting a bit eliminates the tire-kicker/monkey branch guys who just need to get their noodle wet and will fake it to make it. I'll bet he and the ex haven't been "broke up" for a year, well, you know, technically.... I read some of your backstory. Tell me, what do you consider a LTR? I was reading you are 23 and have had four already. That's impressive. You've also had a number of people play you. That hurts. What's your instinct here, absent your love?
Author confuzed25 Posted May 8, 2009 Author Posted May 8, 2009 carhill, i do wait longer to have sex. i didnt have sex with this guy, we never saw each other naked or anything. when we were together we made out and talked, asked each other questions so we could get to know one another better. i have had 4 long term relationships....two of them were a year, another was 15 months, and another was 14 months. the last 2 guys ive dated ive gotten screwed over after a month or two, both times because of another girl that they never told me about and i found out about and dumped them.
carhill Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Thank you. I just got fights, then beds and couches jumbled and figured you had been sleeping together already. That's what married life does to one What to do? For one, try dating some guys in their late 20's. See how that goes. Sounds like you're a lady who likes relationships rather than dating around. Older men generally are more settled and serious and the immature ones stand out more readily. I hope the recent dating experiences won't sour you. There are quality men out there.
Author confuzed25 Posted May 8, 2009 Author Posted May 8, 2009 we did sleep together...like actually sleep. but no sex. i usually try to date guys a few years older because like you said they are more mature and settled....the last 2 guys that screwed me over were my age so that also goes to prove they are more immature and into playing games. i guess i dont know how to "date around." usually if i like someone enough to go on dates with them, i am working towards becoming exclusive with them and i dont think about any other men. like this last guy i dated...on our first date he told me when he is dating someone he doesnt go on dates with anyone else or try to meet new girls. also on our first date he was talking about things he had planned over the summer and said "if we are still dating, which i hope we are, we can do that together." then just a week and a half later he asked me to be exclusive, and he bought really expensive tickets for us for something that is 3 months away. so i figured he was planning on us being together for awhile. then i found that text message, we fought about it, he kept saying im the only one he wants to be with, he kisses me goodbye, and then i never hear from him again? ugh i just cant figure this one out. if he liked me as much as he said and as much as he acted like then wouldnt he try to contact me??
carhill Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 These guys love the fantasy and are infatuated with the feeling, not you. When reality rears its ugly head, they bolt. The right man for you, since you appear to work towards exclusivity and monogamy, will *show* you his desire for that kind of relationship. Don't listen to his words. Watch his actions and the impressions you get from his presence. Leave the talkers for someone else For example, I might say, having been married, that I like being married. I like the feeling that my wife and I can face anything together and that we inspire each other. What would you take away from that? Careful now, it's a test Oh, lastly, any man who is sincerely interested in you will attempt to contact you. What you do with those attempts is up to you...
Author confuzed25 Posted May 8, 2009 Author Posted May 8, 2009 thank you, everything you have said has made sense. i guess i am just a bad judge of character....maybe i read into things too much. he refused to ever let me pay for anything, he wanted to see me everynight i was free, told me how much he missed me, said really cute romantic things to me, made plans for us this summer.....i took all these things as meaning he really truly liked me. because i know if i didnt really like someone or see myself being with them then i wouldnt waste my time or money or be THAT nice to them. and then his mom tells me in the email that she had a talk with him and he really likes me but doesnt think i care that we broke up and is waiting for me to contact him to show that i really liked him. so maybe both of us are waiting on the other one....or maybe hes over it, who knows. i know i shouldnt want him back but i do in a way....i know im not going to contact him though. maybe if he contacts me and seems genuinely sorry and we get together to talk and he explains some things....then thats the ONLY way i will consider trying again. but it has been a week now and ive heard nothing from him so i doubt it will ever happen. i need to start working on not thinking of him as much and being happy again.
carhill Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 The challenge is the attraction. A healthy dating relationship has balance. It's not hard.
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