love_story Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I am new to this cheating thing. I just started having an affair with a married man. Last week we made love for the first time. We do a bit of chatting almost everyday and cell phone texting, mostly talking about sex. Earlier today we exhanged a bunch of messages on the cell phone about what he and I do to each other. We did this for more than 30 minutes. I sent him the last message saying that I would kiss him like crazy etc., but afte that he stopped texting me. Do you think he went to his wife and made love to her? He told me that she doesn't want to have sex with him anymore. Thanks
jj33 Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Dont beleive him. Most people are still having sex with their spouses. Wait for the BSs to post they will set you straight... Its the oldest line in the book... The fact that he stopped texting just means he had something else to do. Maybe he wasnt having sex with her just then but at some point you have to assume he is. Hes CHEATING on and LYING to his W. Why wouldnt he do the same with you to carefully sanitize certain issues? Of course he would. (and I was the OW so I have been in your shoes)
Author love_story Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 I called his cell phone after about 50 minutes I sent the last message and he sounded normal, no heavy breathing or things like that. No voices around either. Way before we met, in his first email, he told me he want a long term term and he doens't wamnt to use anyone, and he doesn't want to be sued either. I'm very interested in some other men's answers. Thanks
Enema Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Not enough information to say that he went and had sex with her. But I agree with jj33, that the odds are he still is. I don't know what you expect to get out of this relationship, but a long term, normal, happy scenario isn't it.
Author love_story Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Enema, I'm hoping to have a longer relationship with this man.He wants the same thing, long time friend and intimacy. I'm not looking to make him divorce. I had quiet few relationships in the past and it looks like I am better off being not married. I'm 41 now, never been married. I get bored of guys when they become to close to me and too possesive. I have a boyfriend at home now, in our 5th year now, but there is no intimacy anymore, he seems to be addicted to his work, he doesn't pay attention to what I say or do, he 's very absent to anything related to me. Being with a married man makes me happy.This guy, the OM, wants intimacy as I do. He's a bit busy at home, many kids plus a wife who loves her career more than her marriage, according to him.
bentnotbroken Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Enema, I'm hoping to have a longer relationship with this man.He wants the same thing, long time friend and intimacy. I'm not looking to make him divorce. I had quiet few relationships in the past and it looks like I am better off being not married. I'm 41 now, never been married. I get bored of guys when they become to close to me and too possesive. I have a boyfriend at home now, in our 5th year now, but there is no intimacy anymore, he seems to be addicted to his work, he doesn't pay attention to what I say or do, he 's very absent to anything related to me. Being with a married man makes me happy.This guy, the OM, wants intimacy as I do. He's a bit busy at home, many kids plus a wife who loves her career more than her marriage, according to him. Right according to him. Why don't you ask the W if he is telling the truth, and while you are at it ask her if they had sex on the day you were speaking of. I would imagine you would get the answer to all your questions.
jnj express Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I posted an answer to you over on the cheating thread, i am not sure where you are with this
Owl Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Enema, I'm hoping to have a longer relationship with this man.He wants the same thing, long time friend and intimacy. I'm not looking to make him divorce. I had quiet few relationships in the past and it looks like I am better off being not married. I'm 41 now, never been married. I get bored of guys when they become to close to me and too possesive. I have a boyfriend at home now, in our 5th year now, but there is no intimacy anymore, he seems to be addicted to his work, he doesn't pay attention to what I say or do, he 's very absent to anything related to me. Being with a married man makes me happy.This guy, the OM, wants intimacy as I do. He's a bit busy at home, many kids plus a wife who loves her career more than her marriage, according to him. This raises several questions in my mind. First...if you're not looking for him to divorce...what do you care if he sleeps with his wife? What should it matter? Second...I get that you grow bored with men after time...have you considered that you're addicted to the "in love" stage of a relationship, but never learned to cope with the next stages of a relationship? Third...while YOU may feel this way, have you considered the potential emotional trauma and devestation that your relationship with your MM will very likely have on his wife? Fourth...your boyfriend. If you're tired of him...why is he still at home? Why haven't you ended the relationship? Have you considered what news of your cheating with the MM will do to him?
Mr. Lucky Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I Do you think he went to his wife and made love to her? Would you have a problem if he did? Mr. Lucky
John Who Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 We tell you what you want to hear,does not mean we mean it,and chances are we do not. I can beat money on it that he is still sleeping with his W,it seems to bother you,you must have feelings for him and this is when things get complicated.
2sure Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Well, sad to say - I know from experience as both a OW and BS... When I was OW, MM would tell me our affair "helped" his marriage because he was having more sex with his wife since seeing me. And as BS - H and I had great sex when he was cheating. Sex, having it, and more important - thinking about it ...leads to wanting more sex. Hard to say, but while MM often tell OW they don't get it at home (to justify cheating)...they usually end up having even more sex with their wives. I'm not saying it isn't twisted. But its true.
Author love_story Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 This raises several questions in my mind. First...if you're not looking for him to divorce...what do you care if he sleeps with his wife? What should it matter? Second...I get that you grow bored with men after time...have you considered that you're addicted to the "in love" stage of a relationship, but never learned to cope with the next stages of a relationship? Third...while YOU may feel this way, have you considered the potential emotional trauma and devestation that your relationship with your MM will very likely have on his wife? Fourth...your boyfriend. If you're tired of him...why is he still at home? Why haven't you ended the relationship? Have you considered what news of your cheating with the MM will do to him? I am not sure if it's because I am addicted to the "in love" stage. iIdid try several times, (in different relationships) to make things better, but it didn't work. What I was trying to say by getting bored aftera while was that these apst guys became too possesive, which I don't like in a man, I hate it actually. But I know not all the guys are like that and maybe I was lucky enough to find the ones that weren't like that.
Author love_story Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Would you have a problem if he did? Mr. Lucky I don't believe I would have a problem, I am only trying to see what's in a MM mind since I am new to this. Another reason why I asked was that if he would have sex with his wife after steammy messages with me, I would feel like he used me to get better with his wife.
Author love_story Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Well, sad to say - I know from experience as both a OW and BS... When I was OW, MM would tell me our affair "helped" his marriage because he was having more sex with his wife since seeing me. And as BS - H and I had great sex when he was cheating. Sex, having it, and more important - thinking about it ...leads to wanting more sex. Hard to say, but while MM often tell OW they don't get it at home (to justify cheating)...they usually end up having even more sex with their wives. I'm not saying it isn't twisted. But its true. Yes 2sure, I have heard about this. It could happen. But I also know that some MM want to have a double life, like a wife at home for kids, cooking etc, and a OW for excitement. The thing is that I know that it would be hard to figure out, especially in the begining. But if such relationship lasts long, I would say that is not the kind that the MM and OW use each other.
Mr. Lucky Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Another reason why I asked was that if he would have sex with his wife after steammy messages with me, I would feel like he used me to get better with his wife. He's probably using you for a number of things. Most A's seem to more about the needs of the WS - ego, insecurity, selfishness, etc - than they are about anything else. Given the second fiddle role that the OW is delegated to, I'm surprised that more don't see this. At least you seem to have gone into this with your eyes open... Mr. Lucky
confusedinkansas Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 If you think that doesn't occur during an affair - then you are a little off base. Because it does happen. Look at it this way...Your MM has a wife, she has needs (even if he says she doesn't) Just because he was flirting with you all day, if his wife initiates sex at home, do you think he's going to say "Hey honey, No I can't".............I doubt it! It's weird to say - but it happens to both males & females in affairs - It's not really USING the person you're in the affair with...But the spouse does benefit from time to time. I know that's a SAD thought - But it's true.
Author love_story Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 He's probably using you for a number of things. Most A's seem to more about the needs of the WS - ego, insecurity, selfishness, etc - than they are about anything else. Given the second fiddle role that the OW is delegated to, I'm surprised that more don't see this. At least you seem to have gone into this with your eyes open... Mr. Lucky yes, but at the same time I can say same thinga bout a woman. She uses the MM. But I still believe that there could be a different relationhip between a MM and the OW. Like seeing each other, going out, even vacation together. I know of people doing this. According to my MM he wants a long term friend first, then a lover, but of course this what he's saying. I can'r be sure until I know him better.
bentnotbroken Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 yes, but at the same time I can say same thinga bout a woman. She uses the MM. But I still believe that there could be a different relationhip between a MM and the OW. Like seeing each other, going out, even vacation together. I know of people doing this. According to my MM he wants a long term friend first, then a lover, but of course this what he's saying. I can'r be sure until I know him better. So you are having an A with someone you don't know that well and you are trying to figure him out. HMMM. I guess that means you are an impulsive type. One thing you do know for sure about him, he is a liar, is married and a cheater. Three of the most upstanding qualities to look for in a companion.
Owl Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I am not sure if it's because I am addicted to the "in love" stage. iIdid try several times, (in different relationships) to make things better, but it didn't work. What I was trying to say by getting bored aftera while was that these apst guys became too possesive, which I don't like in a man, I hate it actually. But I know not all the guys are like that and maybe I was lucky enough to find the ones that weren't like that. You answered my second question...but ignored my first, third, and fourth questions. First...if you're not looking for him to divorce...what do you care if he sleeps with his wife? What should it matter? Third...while YOU may feel this way, have you considered the potential emotional trauma and devestation that your relationship with your MM will very likely have on his wife? Fourth...your boyfriend. If you're tired of him...why is he still at home? Why haven't you ended the relationship? Have you considered what news of your cheating with the MM will do to him?
Author love_story Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 So you are having an A with someone you don't know that well and you are trying to figure him out. HMMM. I guess that means you are an impulsive type. One thing you do know for sure about him, he is a liar, is married and a cheater. Three of the most upstanding qualities to look for in a companion. I usually met guys then I go out with them. I don' really go out with gusy that I've known for years, this is because I would know a lot about them and vice-versa. It would be boring. "One thing you do know for sure about him, he is a liar, is married and a cheater" Even I agree with this, I do believe that many people when they cheat on their spouses they have a reason and it's not necessary their "fault". What I mean by this is that when the husband or wife don't get what they want from their partener, then they feel like finding someone to give that. Like in my current situation. I have not have sex with my boyfriend in a while, and believe I tried, but he doesn't want to for whatever reasons. We argue a lot, we do not go out anymore, we only go over his relatives on holidays. He moved in my apartment and it seems like he took over the whole space. He doesn't want to do anything in the house, he doesn't repect what I want. So with all those problems, what should I do? I tried for some time now, but it's not getting anywhere and I want a bit of happiness. He's a good man, but doesn't amke me happy. I don't break up with him? Because he's a good man and we have some past together, but I am not sure that in the future I'm going to be with him. Because of this situation, I believe that I have to get involved with amarried guy and not single. The MM I just met is a good father and takes care of the house etc, but he's not happy either. He's is not interested in a divorce either, if I understood correctly. I don't know why.
Stepone Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Because of this situation, I believe that I have to get involved with amarried guy and not single. The MM I just met is a good father and takes care of the house etc, but he's not happy either. He's is not interested in a divorce either, if I understood correctly. I don't know why. This doesn't make sense - you want to stay with your boyfriend but you need sex so you'd better prey on a married man because he won't want commitment?! If you're going to break hearts, better one (your bf) than two (mm's wife), or thre (yours too, if the stories on here are anything to go by). There are plenty of single men who would be more than willing to give you no strings sex, I am sure! And saying he's unhappy but not interested in a divorce, but you don't know why - look in the mirror my dear!
Author love_story Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 This doesn't make sense - you want to stay with your boyfriend but you need sex so you'd better prey on a married man because he won't want commitment?! If you're going to break hearts, better one (your bf) than two (mm's wife), or thre (yours too, if the stories on here are anything to go by). There are plenty of single men who would be more than willing to give you no strings sex, I am sure! And saying he's unhappy but not interested in a divorce, but you don't know why - look in the mirror my dear! I do look in the mirror every day and I see a very attractive woman. it seems to me that many ppl on this forum actually had to deal with a cheating spouse. Why are you so angry? This is not about sex only. Maybe you should read my post again... it's about a more complex relatioship, that many people hava had on this planet. I know that alot of women's goal is to get married, some of them for financial reasons, some of them becasue they reached a certain age or because they are not able to find a guy easily, but what I'm looking for is a friend, close to my hard which my bf stopped giving me soon after he moved in or never gave me.
noforgiveness Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 because a complex relationship is not what you have with someone elses husband. No he is not a great dad as you say. A great dead would make an amicable break from his wife so as not to destroy the family unit when he is ready to move on. A great dad does not sneak around in his spare time with an ow rather than spending time with kids.
Mr. Lucky Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 but what I'm looking for is a friend, close to my hard which my bf stopped giving me soon after he moved in or never gave me. Then I would ask you and your MM the same question: Why not extricate yourself from your present unsatisfying relationship before your get involved in another ??? At the very least, wouldn't life be simpler that way? Mr. Lucky
Stepone Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I do look in the mirror every day and I see a very attractive woman. it seems to me that many ppl on this forum actually had to deal with a cheating spouse. Why are you so angry? This is not about sex only. Maybe you should read my post again... it's about a more complex relatioship, that many people hava had on this planet. I know that alot of women's goal is to get married, some of them for financial reasons, some of them becasue they reached a certain age or because they are not able to find a guy easily, but what I'm looking for is a friend, close to my hard which my bf stopped giving me soon after he moved in or never gave me. Hi Love Story Am not in the least bit angry. Just trying to give honest advice. When I said "look in the mirror" i meant look at your own situation to understand why your married man won't break up with his wife, even though he's unhappy. You also don't break up with your boyfriend, even though you're unhappy. You sound like quite an adventurous and loving woman with a high sex drive - forgive me if I am mistaken! I think you are being wasted on this boy, who doesn't even help around the house. I think you should break up with him now by the sounds of it and stay friends with him, as this most likely won't be an option if he finds those texts you've been sending the other guy! If you are just looking for a friend, then maybe you should tell MM that and stop the flirtations and sex!
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