baby-boo Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I'm sorry this may be long but please bear with me. I need help. I started my first year of university in september. I moved 100 miles away from home and i live in student accomodation. I left my boyfriend behind and we decided to have a go at a long distance relationship, as we both completlty loved eachother. In the 1st month or so of moving away (september 08) i got quite flirty with one guy from my course. On a residencial trip we ended up going to his room for drinks with friends. He asked me what i would do if he tired to kiss me and i told him id stop him as i had a boyfriend. I was confused.. as i was attracted to this guy.. but i loved my boyfriend. Well he tried to kiss me anyway, i moved my head away. he started feeling and touching me. he never put his hands under my clothes. I half heartedly told him to stop. My first ever expirience away from home meeting new people and having freedom... i was convinced a long distance relationship wouldnt work anyway. After i broke up with my ex boyfriend i found out he cheated on me the whole 2 and a halfs i was seeing him... it left me with alot of insecurities and doubts about my new relationship. Eventually i got up and left this guys room. i felt distgusted with myself for what i had done. Yet over the next week or two it happened again maybe 2/3 times. We never kissed.. or had sex... but there was sexual tension and we would often end up play fighting etc. After the 3rd or 4th time i put a stop to it... I felt so guilty.. i told my boyfriend a guy tried to kiss me and i told him not to. I couldnt bring myself to tell him how my thoughts had been unfaithful. I put a stop to all contact with this guy and continued my relationship with my boyfriend. He is amaxzing.. he spends all his money coming to see me and treats my like a princess. 9 months since i moved away and were still together... my insecurities have vanished and i love him more than my life. I trust him with all my heart. In the last few months ive became friends with the old guy again. Nothing sexual is between us now its is completly friendship based on both sides. My problem is i still feel guilty when i think about what i did. I know i didnt technically 'cheat' but i know what i did was wrong. My boyfriend has been amazing and restored my trust in men. He is my rock i am a stronger happier person now and i would NEVER cheat on him... Should i put the past behind me or does he deserve to know? OR is it not worth the trouble and strain it will put on our relationship? PLease help me. FOR ANYONE WHO COULDNT BE BOTHERED TO READ MY WHOLE POST... I NEARLY CHEATED ON MY BOYFRIEND A FEW TIMES WHEN I MOVED AWAY TO UNI. BUT I LOVE HIM AND FEEL AWFUL FOR IT. WERE STILL TOGETHER AND NOTHING LIKE THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED SINCE. i HAD ALO OF INSECURITIES AT THE TIME... BUT IM A BETTER PERSON NOW. i LOVE MY BOYFRIEND AND DONT KNOW WHETHER I SHOULD TELL HIM ABOUT IT. (IT WAS 8 MONTHS AGO)
Javelin Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Cute story, but have you not learned from your initial mistake at all? In the last few months ive became friends with the old guy again. He has nearly destroyed your relationship and you consider him a, 'friend?' Come on girl, wake up and stop being so damn naive. I'm sure you'd be pissed if your boyfriend was still friends with a girl he 'almost' cheated on you with.
Author baby-boo Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Cute story, but have you not learned from your initial mistake at all? He has nearly destroyed your relationship and you consider him a, 'friend?' Come on girl, wake up and stop being so damn naive. I'm sure you'd be pissed if your boyfriend was still friends with a girl he 'almost' cheated on you with. i know what your'e saying but its really not as easy as that. We live a couple of doors away, and we are on the same course at uni. There are only 15 people on this course. We constantly have to work together both inside and outside class. We ave been just friends now for a few months and nothing has happened. i have no feelings for him and vice versa. It is alot easier to be civil.
Javelin Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 i know what your'e saying but its really not as easy as that. We live a couple of doors away, and we are on the same course at uni. There are only 15 people on this course. We constantly have to work together both inside and outside class. We ave been just friends now for a few months and nothing has happened. i have no feelings for him and vice versa. It is alot easier to be civil. Then why are you still feeling guilty?
Author baby-boo Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Then why are you still feeling guilty? i feel guilty for allowing what happened to happen 3/4 times. I might not technically have been unfaithful... but i allowed this guy to put his hands on me... to have mild sexual contact with me even just for a few moments before telling him to stop and leaving.... Whether i cheated or not what i did was wrong and i feel guilty.. i thought these thoughts would pass but they havnt.. which is why im wondering if i should tell my boyfriend.
Shock Me Sane Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 If you're 100% sure you've moved on, and NOTHING is going on between you and this other guy, I wouldn't tell him. You shouldn't unload such a minor slip up on your boyfriend just to make yourself feel less guilty. It should be your burden to feel guilty. Long distance relationships are hard and there's bound to be obstacles to overcome, just be strong and focus on school. Although, if anything more arises between you and this other guy, I would start thinking about ending your relationship or talking to your boyfriend about having an open relationship while you're apart.
Javelin Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 i feel guilty for allowing what happened to happen 3/4 times. I might not technically have been unfaithful... but i allowed this guy to put his hands on me... to have mild sexual contact with me even just for a few moments before telling him to stop and leaving.... Whether i cheated or not what i did was wrong and i feel guilty.. i thought these thoughts would pass but they havnt.. which is why im wondering if i should tell my boyfriend. All I've read are excuses and justifications to keep this guy in your life. The funny thing is, all these guilt-trip long distant relationship stories all start and end the same. I'll tell you why you're really feeling guilty.. It's because you're afraid that if you tell your boyfriend what has been going on while you were away. That you may: 1) lose him or, he may: 2) fall for someone else and not tell you. Thus, repeating exactly what you did to him. Please, don't try and play self-righteous all of a sudden. You could have avoided this entire situation from the get go. But go ahead and tell him what happened... Don't forget to add in that you and the problem boy are still friends because he's in the same, 'course' as you. I mean, if you're going to make the exact same mistake again, then that's on you.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 i know what your'e saying but its really not as easy as that. We live a couple of doors away, and we are on the same course at uni. There are only 15 people on this course. We constantly have to work together both inside and outside class. We ave been just friends now for a few months and nothing has happened. i have no feelings for him and vice versa. It is alot easier to be civil. Um... you could avoid the guy if you really wanted to. What happens if your BF gets too busy to see you for a weekend, or doesn't answer his phone and you get insecure? I think your trying to hang on to the friend in the hopes that he can play backup if you decide the BF isn't cutting mustard. Sorry, but I've already been through your situation... and I've seen it happen many times over.
Dman Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 Yes it does seem like you are using this guy as insurance cover in case you split with your boyfriend. If you tell your boyfriend about this he won't be able to trust you. Knowing that this guy is on your course and lives right near you would be too much for him and I have no doubt that eventually he'd find someone else before dumping you. Yes you had a few moments of weakness but if you are sincerely sure that you would not cheat on your boyfriend then there is no need to tell him. He wouldn't be able to trust you otherwise and that's the opposite of what you want. However I do think you need to consider whether this long-distance relationship really has a future.
Recommended Posts