Going straight from LDR to living together - good or bad idea?

[conehead]

Will it be better to live separately first to get used to each other before discussing plans of living together? Is it possible that going straight from an LDR to living together might be too much too soon??

[Island Girl]

Will it be better to live separately first to get used to each other before discussing plans of living together? Is it possible that going straight from an LDR to living together might be too much too soon??

 

That depends on the couple.

 

My husband and I will be going straight from LD to living together. BUT we have lived together before and know what to expect from the other as far as habits, domestic chores, etc.

 

If you have spent a whole lot of time together and have had extended visits I would think that'd help.

 

But if you are committed to being together then anything can be worked out as it normally would have to be.

 

Lots of couples don't live together until their married. And living together does not make a couple more successful in marriage or not.

 

As in any relationship in the end it always comes down to your commitment to each other.

[Els]

As IG said, it depends on the couple.

 

For me, I'm really not sure, I would avoid it if possible. I've heard of plenty of couples for whom it was not a good idea, they ended up taking each other for granted, forgetting how hard it used to be, getting on each others' nerves... you get the idea. But there are plenty of couples for whom it works.

[era]

Have you already spent loads of face time together?

 

Only then, would I say it's probably okay.

[Mountainlove]

Me and my boyfriend will see each other a few times (3x 2 weeks) before I will move to life with him for 6 months to see how things work.

The thought is terrifiying at times but it is the only option. We are also very serious about each other so I know we will both try our hardest to make it work.

Would that maybe be an option for you to try it for a certain amound of time?

In that way you could always have a way back out if things don't work.

[strongertoday]

We went straight from a LDR to living together...he moved 12,000 miles so it was all in !!

 

It hasnt been easy...he has been single all his life...I have kids and work from home...he misses his space and the quietness !!

 

But we keep on trying....talk lots.....and when things get really tough we remember just how amazing it is to finally be together and how much better off we are with each other in our lives....

 

He has been here 6 months...and generally its only getting better

 

HUGS and good luck

[LonelyTiger]

It definitely depends on the couple and the level of commitment.

 

My hubby and I had an eight month relationship (not living together) before we went LD the first time, back in 1995. We then did LDR for nine months (only saw each other once in that time) and when he came home we moved straight in together.

 

Despite the fact that we knew each other really, really well (we'd been friends - mostly long distance - since childhood as well as being in a relationship for 17 months) I found it very difficult to adjust.

 

He had sold his own house when he went abroad so he moved straight into my flat and, although we were sooo happy being together, I was used to my own space - I'd never lived with anyone before! So it was difficult.... but we worked it out and I wouldn't have done it any other way.

 

14yrs later we're doing LDR again, but we still love each other to bits .

 

I think moving in together has its ups and its downs, whether you do things the conventional way or go straight from LDR. If you want to be together you will make it work.

[Magpies]

I agree - it definitely depends on the couple. But I also think that you don't truly know someone unless you live with them. I moved in with my boyfriend 2-months ago and so far, so good! If you know your partner candidly beforehand, then you should pretty much know what to expect. A few surprises here and there are normal, but if there's a ton of surprises, then I feel that usually means they weren't the person you thought they were to begin with, then again that could just be me. I was married before and moved in straight away with my then husband and discovered all sorts of things I didn't know previously (and my move back then was just minutes away vs over oceans now).

 

As for my boyfriend. I think I pretty much lucked out We have very similar lifestyles and it just feels really good to just chill with him. Our home dynamics works pretty well too - this is the first time I've ever felt that being with someone meant things are easier to do because of a shared workload.

 

As for our story: we were friends for sometime before romantically involved and since then, it's happened relatively fast. We originally met on an online game but chatted and emailed more. He was my Dear Diary for 3 years and although I had the biggest crush on him, nothing even slightly romantic has ever come up. When I had finally given up on him (and moved to another country) he confessed he liked me.

 

We went on vacation for 2-weeks, and he visited me for a week while I was working in Asia before I took the plunge to move. There was an application process to get a resident permit that took sometime, but it was relatively fast compared to others here.

 

Although it's tough to move and suddenly be in a new place, with new people, and in my case, a new language ... for love, it's worth every bit of it! Isn't love what people write about, what people would do anything to find and keep? Moving is inconvenient, but the bright side is it really marks a fresh start.

 

Congratulations to you!