boogieboy Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Im finally posting after seeing if there was a thread like my situation. I like this site. shes 33, im 36. I hurt her in January by saying something really assinine. SHe asked me what would happen if I knocked her up, I said I'd support her but I probably couldnt be a good father because I didnt like kids. I know, I'm an ass. I apologized profusely of course. I tried to assure her that I wouldnt abandon her. Our relationship was great. 5 mths, no fights, great screaming sex, and we were a great fit. She always told me how I was perfect, cuz I liked cuddling in bed. When we did nuthin together it was always fun. I did however, do alot of production work and might have taken her for granted. But when she was with me, it was 100% all about her. I told her how great she was when I remembered. Shes a great girl with her shyte together. She wanted me to move in with her. She went all in, I did not cuz I was afraid it was too good to be true. She still tells me to this day that she has never been as comfortable with anyone like she was with me. I dont know how true that is, but anyway. In the beg of Feb, I started to feel her pull away a lil, but she was a trooper. Even while she was thinking of breaking it off, she still helped me redecorate my place. in the end of Feb, I sent her sexy text that she likes, she wanted more, and she sent me two videos from her cell phone of her dancing sexy for me. The day after that, She told me (in text) that she needed some time. I said no problem. (But she just sent me videos the day before???) She asked me if I still wanted to be with her, I said absolutely. So I gave her the space. I didnt contact her at all. I was prepared for at least a month NC. At this point, I should have dont the month NC, but something told me not to. A week later, she sends me a text that says "i am thinking about you" I went to see her in person to try and work it out. What she said was, that since I didnt want kids ever, she couldnt be with me when I dont give her a choice to decide. SHe also said that she was afraid that I would leave her in case of some acccident, kids, illness. I assured her that wasnt true. We kissed, I left, then I left her alone. A week later she said maybe we should see other people. No problem. I told her I was gonna bring her back her stuff, she said to please keep it. When asked why, she said she thought it meant we were totally over. Ever since then, she still texts me once a week asking how I am. I dont initiate contact, she texts me. And I dont answer her right away. Still kinda distant, not much info, but its once a week. I was hurt, but I made it to appear like I wasnt. A month ago I finally ask her if she is seeing someone, and she was for 3 weeks. I told her I was bringing her back her stuff, and I did. Including a painting she made for me. She saw I was starting to get serious about letting go, and decided she wanted to still talk and eat together sometimes. I put it off for a week, but when we did, at my place, she says she still misses me, big hugs and such, and still looks at me like she still adores me. And I can still fondle her like I used to, but she wont kiss of course (new guy). I kept it upbeat, it was a great lunch, I didnt bug her about whats goin on. She says its not going that great with the new guy. I told her I had the same situation with my new girl. (I didnt actually have a girl) Last tues, I ask her to lunch to tell her I had a change of heart about the "no kids" thing. Cuz I know at her age, women are starting to think about it. I gave her a whole speech so she would know I was serious, plus coming to terms with all the things i did wrong that might have been a problem, plus the abandoning thing. I let her know that I was serious about commiting to her and treating her as great as she treated me, plus giving her a choice about kids. I told her how I felt. Im very proud of that speech, she was smiling the whole time. I asked her what she thought, she said she was speechless, and that she would have to think about it. Might be too much too late. When she left she said to text her later that day, and when I did, no answer. I expect to not hear from her till wednesday. Thats her pattern. I also expect not to hear from her at all. Now, since technically I hurt her first, maybe I deserve the "backburner treatment" a lil bit. Im not a looker, so I won the lottery with this hot girl with her own house. I will probably not have another gf for a while because it just doesnt happen that often with me, which is why I didnt want to do the NC thing. I'm am actually afraid she will forget about me, thinkin I didnt care. So I have no problem with her using me as a backup, as long as I can make it appear that im not waiting here for her, which im trying to do. I got over the initial hurt, its not torturing me anymore, and I have no problem moving on if I meet someone new. ( i have been trying to meet someone new) I do want to hope in the meantime that it will fail with the new guy and she looks back at me. I know even if she does, that its possible that she'll do it again, but Ill be prepared for that. I think it was my fault. After this whole story, (sorry for the novel) why does she still text me every week, and want to hang out? is it to try and deliberately lose her feelings for me? does she actually miss me? Why would she want to hang out for lunch if she only wanted to keep me on a string? What the hell is she doing?
discombobulated Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 First of all, she is texting you to see whether you're over her( dating again). She is texting you to see if you'll cave in for her and just run back pathetically. Long story short, I ignored exes I didn't care about, but made small talk with ones I always thought about. I actually have maintained one friendship with my very first ex in hopes that if I still cared, he'd be there. You'r lucky she still texts you too!
Author boogieboy Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 She is texting you to see if you'll cave in for her and just run back pathetically. So if its pathetic, its just a test with no positive outcome? A stroke to her ego? Then maybe I need to cut her off......what will she think then??
Author boogieboy Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Found some answers via google... best advice ive seen thus far. Maybe this will help someone else who might be going thru this in the future. Game on! _____________________________________________________________ She is obviously not 100% sure of her decision, so she doesn't want u moving on to quickly. By staying in contact with u, she knows u wont heal and move on. If u love her than u can deal with this for now, but dont let it go on forever, that's not fair to u. Eventually she needs to either take u back or let u go. Don't make it so easy for her to keep u there. Don't always say yes to hanging out, don't immediately answer her calls or texts. If u make it too easy for her then she doesnt have to face what it is truly like without u. This is a fun question first of all the next time she calls and asks to meet you somewhere tell her you would love to but you have other plans but you will call her right back, now this is the fun part don’t call her back matter of fact if she calls you answer the fun and be “spotty ask how she is” then tell her you have to run but you will call her back when you are finished doing what you are but don’t call. About 4 hours later call her up and apologize for not calling her right back a few friends stopped by and you had to entertain them and then tell her that you are tired so you are going to crash for the night but you will talk to her later. You need to be more of a challenge and less available. you need to stop answering all of her calls and stop returning her calls. immediately give her some space and time to wonder what it is you are doing. She's probably just experimenting with the new person and doesn't want to lose you in the process..thats why she calls..but I think you are doing the right thing by backing off..because your ex needs to decided exactly what it is she wants or who..and move on with that person.
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