girlscantwhat Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 My fiance and I have been engaged now for a year, our wedding is coming up in September and lately we have been under alot of stress. Lately he has been very violent towards me, emotionally degrading, he has slammed doors, kicked doors in, last time this happened he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me into the floor. I don't know what to do, I love him but I was once in an abusive marriage and it didn't end so well. My fiance told me from the beginning that he wasn't like that and has never hit a woamn and would never do that, but clearly he has broken that promise. He says that he will get help and has started reading literature on domestic violence. But everytime I speak with him about these incidents he becomes angry all over again. I am not sure if I should call everything off or if he is truly sorry and trying to be better. But a little part of me thinks that this is just his way off buttering me up and still trying to keep me until after the wedding. I am scared that if I get married that this behavior will come back. What shall I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Run away as fast as you can! Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Run away as fast as you can! Seconded. And file a criminal complaint against this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 I think you know what you must do: Leave the relationship and don't look back. Because you know that this will not get better with time, that he will not do anything to heal his nature or improve as long as you are still there, offering him a relationship in which it'd be so easy to let one ... two ... five ... a dozen incidents of violence slip through. He needs to be out of this relationship as much as you need to so that he can get the help he needs and you can be safe from future violence. Link to post Share on other sites
gopher Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Leave now and tell your family and close friends why.... Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 I say run, never speak to him again. If he lay a hand on your once it's clearly he had it in him but it was repress for a long while till he showed his true colors. I also agree with filling an assault charge on him. Why let him get away with pushing you, then what next?? Slapping you in the face, punching you?? Yikes.... Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 Leave now and tell your family and close friends why.... Gopher has it spot on. Please do get out. It will only get worse. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Montclair0011 Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 girlscantwhat, I'm so sorry for you. It must be horrible to be so close to your wedding with this kind of issue. If it is as you describe you must break it off and get away from this guy. I married a guy with a horrible temper and it just gets worse over time. The use you up and then walk over your body on the way out the door. Since you have been through this before, you know what the deal is. I think you need a deep relationship with a shrink to find out why you keep ending up with abusive guys. See if you can get some money back from the wedding and put it in the mental health fund. Good luck and try to be brave and get out of this. I know how tough it is to leave. I never was able to until I no longer had a choice since he dumped me for someone else in a most humiliating way. I'm much older now and it's much harder to date. I have so many regrets. Don't end up that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 If he is doing this now how will he act 10 years down the road over misunderstandings that occur along the way where he thinks he is only more entitled to you? Or if you share a kid together? Leave now, please. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted May 14, 2009 Share Posted May 14, 2009 many yrs. ago i was married to a abusive woman,had a butcher knife under my chin, i was on my tip toes,crazy women drew blood outta my throat. this is a no brainer. RUN YOUR AZZ OFF. once you get married it WILL get worse,you could end up dead. Link to post Share on other sites
SilentWolf Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 You say you were once in an abusive marriage. I think that you and I both know then that these things only escalate. I wish I wouldn't have married my husband (honestly). I was in an abusive realtionship before I met him and I almost lost my life more than once, so the fights with him seemed minimal. Abuse is abuse flat out. It has been a long time since my husband and I had a physical fight, but the emotional damage that he and my ex did has taken such a toll on me that I literally "run away" when he looks at me wrong. I feel your pain because I know that no matter what we post on here you love the man and will go through it until you decide you've had enough. God only knows I'm not strong enough yet to completely disconnect from my abusive partner but I am taking it day by day and its hard (we have been seperated since december as he is an alcoholic and I do not trust him with my safety while I am pregnant, how sad is that). I wish you the best of luck, and just hope that you don't trivialize the connections to your previous abusive relationship he is showing. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 Reading a book won't fix it. I'm sure if you talk to his ex's they will tell you things that might surprise you. He needs to see a counselor and from being previously married you know that these things get 10 times worse once you are married. In the meantime the best way to deal with this, when he is angry is to tell him directly 'I will talk to you about this issue once you calm down.' then leave it at that. If you feel threatened, get out now. Link to post Share on other sites
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