HeartLikeLead Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 i aske dmy bf for a temporary break last week he had lied about something pretty bad and also has been so busy lately that he said maybe i should start meeting up with my friends someitmes on saturdays and meet him later... i have a lot of self respect and told him we need a break BUT I love adore and think he rocks my life still. anyway he wrote a defensive email back and then DELETED our in a relationship status on facebook. my friends found out of course... didnt even know we had problems. anyway i was shocked and thought he decided to break up. finally he called sunday night. he acted nice, perfectly normal he used our favorite tv show as a reason to call me. he asked about my whole weekend and told me about his..... he didnt do anything crazy saturday night just spent it with his daughter and then later a biz partner. he never mentioned our relationship on the phone. he did say he would talk to me again soon before he hung up. And he deleted his facebook wall feed that says he is no longer in a relationship so no one can comment on it. also instead of putting 'single' there is nothing selected now on his status (when you cancel a fb relatinship it automatically selects single)
tkgirl Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 i aske dmy bf for a temporary break last week he had lied about something pretty bad and also has been so busy lately that he said maybe i should start meeting up with my friends someitmes on saturdays and meet him later... i have a lot of self respect and told him we need a break BUT I love adore and think he rocks my life still. anyway he wrote a defensive email back and then DELETED our in a relationship status on facebook. my friends found out of course... didnt even know we had problems. anyway i was shocked and thought he decided to break up. finally he called sunday night. he acted nice, perfectly normal he used our favorite tv show as a reason to call me. he asked about my whole weekend and told me about his..... he didnt do anything crazy saturday night just spent it with his daughter and then later a biz partner. he never mentioned our relationship on the phone. he did say he would talk to me again soon before he hung up. And he deleted his facebook wall feed that says he is no longer in a relationship so no one can comment on it. also instead of putting 'single' there is nothing selected now on his status (when you cancel a fb relatinship it automatically selects single) sounds like your typical confused guy... but you did say you wanted to take a break for bit, so..? what is that you expect from him? you need to know what you want from him too.. and then you two should talk...
Author HeartLikeLead Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 sounds like your typical confused guy... but you did say you wanted to take a break for bit, so..? what is that you expect from him? you need to know what you want from him too.. and then you two should talk... i would have guess that he would leave me alone for at least a week i only aske dfor a break friday evening. I also felt like he was letting me know he DIDNT have a date or go partying Saturday night.
tkgirl Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 i would have guess that he would leave me alone for at least a week i only aske dfor a break friday evening. I also felt like he was letting me know he DIDNT have a date or go partying Saturday night. well, that's good then! he sounds sweet... BUT, you want to take a break and he needs to respect that. Maybe you need to define a little bit more to him what you mean by a "break"... as in it doesn't mean a break UP! It sounds like that's what he thought... that you wanted to break up and he reacted as such. Then he had some time to "cool down" and think about it and that's why called... to let you know he still wants to be with you. Like I said in my first post, it sounds like you might need to talk a bit to him a bit more... like about what this break means to you... good luck!
OverThinker Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 The fact that you said guess is my first issue. Taking breaks are tricky things you have to let him know the terms. Do you want a complete break ie. not contact at all. Or do you want to talk on the phone and just fall back to friends for a week. As far as the facebook thing goes sounds like a reaction to me and wouldn't look too much into that oh and you can select blank when you change your status (been there done that) Good luck
tkgirl Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 ugh... I'm getting so frustrated... LS won't let me edit my typos on here! so please excuse them... anyho, maybe it's a sign I should get off the computer now!
OverThinker Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Haha posted almost the same thing at hthe same time. Probably sound advise then.
tkgirl Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Haha posted almost the same thing at hthe same time. Probably sound advise then. yep! and I see that LS won't let you go back and fix your typos either! just kidding! p.s. I'm an over-thinker too!
Author HeartLikeLead Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 LOL ! Thats synchronicity at work. Almost two identical answers at once. thanks. I should add that i sent a follow up brief email to him at 2:30 am saturday night (oh yeah nothing like a sambuca shot fueled email) i clarified that i was not wanting a break up whatsoever, just giving us some space/break to breath and figure things out. so i did make it clear i am still into him.
moman Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 The Facebook status thing sounds like a knee-jerk reaction, don't think too much about that.
Author HeartLikeLead Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 The Facebook status thing sounds like a knee-jerk reaction, don't think too much about that. i think so too. men can be like overgrown hurt kids sometimes. and my timing WAS kinda mean and crappy. i know he had had a long week of 5:30am to midnight hours with his work and child. so i guess i was being harsh to write him a long fierce letter at 6pm friday night. and i guess its a testament to him still caring that he called last night and tried to act polite and normal.
Author HeartLikeLead Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 well........on second thought im thinking removing the facebook status DID mean something i had noticed his first ever girlfriend (from 18 years ago !) had found him on facebook 2 months ago i noticed her posting every time he updated his status even if he wrote he was dirnking coffee she would pipe in 2 minutes later some stupid overly complimentary comment well now that his relationship status with me is gone she is going wild posting lovey dovey crap on his wall grr she wrote "have a safe trip Luv" wtf ?
loser101 Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 ok maybe she is overdoing it but she is an ex from 18 years ago. I chat with my exes on facebook all the time too, no big deal. you can't get insecure about someone that was around 18 years ago. I call my exes 'luv' or 'love' or 'sweetie' all the time too by the way, it's just affection
OverThinker Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 ok maybe she is overdoing it but she is an ex from 18 years ago. I chat with my exes on facebook all the time too, no big deal. you can't get insecure about someone that was around 18 years ago. I call my exes 'luv' or 'love' or 'sweetie' all the time too by the way, it's just affection Um yeah I agree. Does he reply to her comments, whats he say and even if he does so what. One of my bestfriends is an Ex. Every now and again she gets a little don't you wanna FWB and I have to set her straight but were great friends and that is it. Women have guy friends and guys have women friends. oh yeah and we all have psyco EX's too. Sounds to me like your starting to question if a break is really what you wanted. When you thought about a break did you consider "what if he figures out that he wants something else?" If you put a dog outside and close the door when you open it he may be gone, On the other hand he may be right there even more eager to come inside. Good Luck
BCCA Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 A 'break' to men means youre dumping me, but want to get your ducks in a row first. You should have asked for SPACE, but a break is a break - you dumped him. You really cant have a temporary break, I really dont think its fair to say 'hey im going to dump you for a week or so, but maybe when I feel like it we can see about trying again'. Thats honestly really selfish. As for the FB stuff...again, you dumped him. I know you maybe dont want to see it that way, but anytime your relationship is off, youre broken up. SO many women say 'a break' and then find someone else, and never look back. Ive dated someone who tried that, and low and behold, she called it a 'break' to make sure the other guy she wanted to date was in before making it an official dumping. That happens all the time. You cant ask for a break if youre not willing to deal with the consequences. It cant be all on your terms. I know sometimes you need space, but when you terminate a relationship, whether you have the intention of trying again later or not, you really have NO say over what he does, or any right to judge him. This was YOUR idea.
Trialbyfire Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Your semi-ex b/f sounds like a member of LS or some other similar relationship site. He's doing exactly what many would have advised him to do. The ball's in your court.
Author HeartLikeLead Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 ok maybe she is overdoing it but she is an ex from 18 years ago. I chat with my exes on facebook all the time too, no big deal. you can't get insecure about someone that was around 18 years ago. I call my exes 'luv' or 'love' or 'sweetie' all the time too by the way, it's just affection i suppose what irks me is she and he will be on same block of beachhouses this summer. he is taking his kid along and wont be taking any females with him to his beachhouse. but she will be nearby at her family's beachhouse. and she commented how she cant wait to hang out.
Author HeartLikeLead Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 A 'break' to men means youre dumping me, but want to get your ducks in a row first. You should have asked for SPACE, but a break is a break - you dumped him. You really cant have a temporary break, I really dont think its fair to say 'hey im going to dump you for a week or so, but maybe when I feel like it we can see about trying again'. Thats honestly really selfish. again i stated 10 different ways that i didnt want to break up and wasnt breaking up i said we both need space because he isnt acting like he knows what he WANTS and that im hurt by his two screw ups and need to heal a bit a break and a break up are different. no where does it say a break means an ending. and he is sending mixed messages by calling me sunday night like nothing happened and now he is ignoring me on his big biz trip. and i should finally add in the other reason i asked for abreak he originally kept saying he would take me on his big trip out to LA. He changed that saying he would be too busy to entertain me but as it turns out he commented on the wall of some chick he once spent time with at Sundance and told her 'hey baby we should get gotogether' i asked him about it and he said yes she is an amazing attractive singer but theyre just friends. um whatever. he has time for singing trollops, time for events with old exes attending but no time for me. im so miserable in this rainy weather and knowing he is staying at a gorgeous villa in the sun right now and about to meet MY favorite author in two days and also be feted for big accomplishments. this is aman who two months ago i had to talk down off a figurative ledge from his crippling insecurity and pani attacks. who told me my support meant the world to him and who told me how much he loved and appreciated me actually the more i think about the worse his behavior seems.
BCCA Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 a break and a break up are different. To you. I dont think that way at all...most guys dont either. no where does it say a break means an ending. Again, this is what it meant to you. I'm telling you, as a guy, when we hear 'break' it means break up. Also, if you just needed SPACE, why did you say break? Thats night a day, although neither one really sound great. How would you honestly feel if you were into someone and they said they needed space from you, lets take a break? First of all, I think its kind of lame that you expect someone to just go 'sure' and wait for your word to resume things. What about him and his feelings? What youre going through is one thing, but he's a whole different person. He has wants, needs, desires, and expectations, too. Those dont get put on hold because you want a break. Im really not trying to be rude, but you have to see the other side of the coin. If I was told by a girl that she wanted a break, I would assume we were broken up. You dont get to put people on hold when you want, and then criticize them for spending time with someone else. I'm sure you made it clear that you wanted to resume this, I believe you. My point here is that its really selfish to expect a relationship to form around you. It has to be whats good for everyone, and if he didnt like that you wanted a break, can you really fault him? I would personally be pretty pissed that you even expected me to go for that.
Author HeartLikeLead Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 To you. I dont think that way at all...most guys dont either. Again, this is what it meant to you. I'm telling you, as a guy, when we hear 'break' it means break up. Also, if you just needed SPACE, why did you say break? Thats night a day, although neither one really sound great. How would you honestly feel if you were into someone and they said they needed space from you, lets take a break? First of all, I think its kind of lame that you expect someone to just go 'sure' and wait for your word to resume things. What about him and his feelings? What youre going through is one thing, but he's a whole different person. He has wants, needs, desires, and expectations, too. Those dont get put on hold because you want a break. Im really not trying to be rude, but you have to see the other side of the coin. If I was told by a girl that she wanted a break, I would assume we were broken up. You dont get to put people on hold when you want, and then criticize them for spending time with someone else. I'm sure you made it clear that you wanted to resume this, I believe you. My point here is that its really selfish to expect a relationship to form around you. It has to be whats good for everyone, and if he didnt like that you wanted a break, can you really fault him? I would personally be pretty pissed that you even expected me to go for that. I always think of needing space as polite form of break up. I gave him the reasons why i needed a break. He screwed up badly. It wasnt for some random reason.
BCCA Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 I always think of needing space as polite form of break up. I gave him the reasons why i needed a break. He screwed up badly. It wasnt for some random reason. I completely 100% understand what you're saying. If you see needing space as a polite way to break up, how do you NOT see break as a BREAKup. I understand, but that doesnt mean that because you have your reasons your wish is always granted. It doesn't work that way. Your reasons might not cut it for him, or he may simply not care what they are. You CAN'T put people or relationships on hold because you want and expect them to be there waiting when you chose to return. If he screwed up, why arent you just breaking up? What is waiting going to do? Delay the inevitable, thats all. If you dont want to be in a relationship with this guy during the hard times, he's not the one for you. Everyone thinks that relationships are built on all the happy times, but they are formed equally by the reall sh***y times. When you find the right one, youll stick out anything. Anyone that has you on the fence isnt the right guy. You're probably just keeping the option open, but know he's not what you want.
Author HeartLikeLead Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 so last night he IMd he that his work trip is going well thta he was tired and really needed sex bad i replied i am glad things are going well i miss him and heck i need sex too. lol he then indirectly alluded to having canceled our relationship status on facebook. he asked if all my suitors are excited now i didnt take the bait he then specifically aske dif my exbf (who he knows is aclose friend and really wants to date me again) is going nuts with joy. so i wa shonest and told him no i had told my exbf that i still love my current BF. He then signed off gnight and sweet dreams why was he ASKING if 'suitors' and my ex are all into me because he removed our relationship status is off facebook ? does he want me to move on ? what was he trying to accomplish ????
BCCA Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 what was he trying to accomplish ???? ... thta he was tired and really needed sex bad It seems to me that he just checked in to see if you were still down to sleep with him, or if you had any other prospects. Did he ever acknowledge him being 'your current BF' or did the conversation just veer elsewhere? Did you get the impression that he was saying he wanted to work things out or be together? I didn't. You're going to have to have a talk with him, and clear things up about what you want. If you want to be in a relationship with him right here, right now, today...then express your feelings and see what you two can work out. If not, just move on.
Author HeartLikeLead Posted May 7, 2009 Author Posted May 7, 2009 ... It seems to me that he just checked in to see if you were still down to sleep with him, or if you had any other prospects. Did he ever acknowledge him being 'your current BF' or did the conversation just veer elsewhere? Did you get the impression that he was saying he wanted to work things out or be together? I didn't. You're going to have to have a talk with him, and clear things up about what you want. If you want to be in a relationship with him right here, right now, today...then express your feelings and see what you two can work out. If not, just move on. well knowing him he was exhausted and slightly tipsy. IMs are not place to have a normal real conversation anyhoo its really simple. i have looked over the last 4 emails/ims i sent and i made it abundantly clear that i still consider this a relationship. and also before he ever gets to take me out again and get sex he will have to add back our relationship on facebook and tell me he still loves me and we're in an exclusive relationship in an email.
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