neverdonethis Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I've posted before about my GF wanting to be more independent and asking for some personal space. A 'quick' recap- At first, I took this as wanting to be single(that wasn't what she meant) and we hit a rough patch and what started as her wanting to find herself also turned into questioning the relationship. We've been together for 2.5 years and lived together for over a year. I NOW get the whole independent thing - we both need to spend more time with friends and being alone, we did everything together and even though we loved every minute of it, we smothered each other. She is graduating in a couple months and has been very stressed out about that and what her next step is(still looking for a job). We had a mis-communication but have been working through it but I know she is questioning her committment to me, if she wants this and how I will fit in with the whole "next step". I recently moved out to give her that space. To begin, I gave her A LOT of time alone(we talked, but not seeing each other for a couple days is a lot after seeing each other everyday for over a year) and she became upset, saying she appreciates the space but still wanted to see me. If we weren't seeing each other, it felt like a break and to her that basically means a break up. So now we still see each other almost everyday, and spend probably 2 nights a week not sleeping at the other's place ( i live 5 mins away) First, is it possible to become more independent with me around? Can she still figure out how committed she is with me around? Should I give her more space even though she doesn't want it? Second, through all this(past 2 months), it seems she has lost the passion or spark or something. We still kiss all the time but it's nothing more then a quick kiss on the lips. I would love an affectionate kiss every once in awhile!(guys do like that). I've tried to kiss her this way and can tell she is not having it. Through little conversations, when i ask why, or how she is doing, she just keeps saying she is stressed out and overwhelmed with everything. I'm trying to be patient through all this. I respect the whole independent thing but I'm feeling rejected through all of this. We're going to sit down this week and i'm going to explain to her what I just said above, but I'd like to here some thoughts, especially from females Does stress really cause you to act 'weird' or 'different' (lack of better words haha)
Ruby Slippers Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Sure, stress can have a major effect on everything. It sounds like she is questioning the relationship a bit, which is normal at this stage. I think the best thing you can do right now is back off, focus on your own life and time, and see how things play out.
Author neverdonethis Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 I think the best thing you can do right now is back off, focus on your own life and time, and see how things play out. I agree. When you say back off, what do you mean? less contact? less seeing each other?
OverThinker Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I'm not a woman but do have a little experience in this situation. I would tell her that you want to give her what she needs and are willing to give her the space (reasuring her that you want to be there with her). Stress is a very powerfull thing and if she is worried about graduateing and finding a job you i'm sorry to say take a back seat but it sounds to me like she still wants you around but feels that she can't devote any of her energy to you. If you can be patient i would say give her the space she needs and suport her the best you can. Good luck
Author neverdonethis Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 Thanks for the response. You went through the same situation? Did it work out? Yes, she is constantly worried about what is next after she graduates and is stressed about having no money or a job. And absolutely, I feel like I've taken a back seat and I've become 'secondary' in her life. She graduates in 3 weeks and I feel once she has a 'new' direction in her life, she'll come around. I've been patient, going to try and remain patient, and I guess time will tell...I know this is something she needs to figure out...Is there anything else I can do, I just feel helpless...
OverThinker Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Yes it worked out but then failed later for unrelated issues. Somtimes being helpless is what you need to be you can't push your help on her just be there when she needs you. Sounds to me like it will all work out. Good luck and hang in there
soserious1 Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Let me give you a bit of advice from an old woman's perspective, relationships tend to move forwards not backwards, you lived together but now you've moved out? She avoids passionate kissing? Your relationship is basically over, she's just too stressed right now to level with you about it.
Admiral Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I've posted before about my GF wanting to be more independent and asking for some personal space. I recently moved out to give her that space. When a woman says she needs "space", she is no longer attracted to you. Second, through all this(past 2 months), it seems she has lost the passion or spark or something. We still kiss all the time but it's nothing more then a quick kiss on the lips. I've tried to kiss her this way and can tell she is not having it. Because she isn't attracted to you.
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