Untouchable_Fire Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 No, I'm not a loser. I don't think that bad of myself. But I do often ask myself, if I deserve better, why have I not found better? I know I need to resume NC, and do a lot of deleting and blocking. I should have done it before. Some day, I hope, I will no longer feel the need to get the love of someone who doesn't treat me like crap. Because you live in WI, and most of the guys there suck. NC in physical form, is only as effective as you maintain it mentally. Unplug your internet and go find something fun to do. Distract yourself for a while. Some day you will meet somebody and you wont have to go through all the crap. Life is a numbers game.
Author dreamergrl Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 you'll get there, though sometimes baby steps can be frustratin' as hell about these urges to contact him: Tackle them like you would something that is bad for your diet. Tell yourself that you're not going to have it *right* now, but that you're going to wait half an hour to see if you *really* want it or if you just have a mindless urge to eat it. And when that half hour is up, substitute something healthy (in this case, an action like going out for a walk, cleaning the toilet ... okay, not healthy for YOU, but good for housework overall, lol), and keep doing that till you run out of time and you're doing something else that needs to get done. Eventually, delaying tactics psych you into realizing that you don't need to give in to urges. This is great advice on how to deal with the contact. Got anything for when he calls and I want to answer?
Author dreamergrl Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 Because you live in WI, and most of the guys there suck. No kidding, I think I need to move.
start-fresh Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Because you live in WI, and most of the guys there suck. We don't all suck, trust me. OP, how come he couldn't afford a phone while you were dating, but now that you've bruised his ego he's gathered up the cash? I don't have any great advice for no contact because it's been tough in the past for me as well. The easiest way to get over something short term like this that I've found is meet someone more worthy to direct my energy too. You're a beautiful girl and seem to be a really caring person. Trust me, you'll find someone worthy of your positive energy. Focus on that and let this loser go. When he tries to sweet talk you, think of all the times he brought out your insecurities and caused you to doubt him.
v g Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Dreamergrl, this is what I do. Every night I pray that I continue to make good decisions for myself. That means ending things when the guy's not treating me well. That means discontinuing and blocking all contact with him. That means consciously realizing that I'm making a good decision for myself and feeling really good about ending it permanently. A friend once told me that my problem is that I don't go through men fast enough. These days once they've proven themselves to be unworthy of my time and effort, I end it with them and feel super good about it. I would rather be happy and single than miserable and involved. I promise that once you end all means of communication with him, you're going to feel really good about it. It's all about making good decisions for yourself. It takes practice but is well worth it.
discombobulated Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Alright,..... take the slap back, because at least you have the balls to call him! Im such a punk I can't even call MY ex back haha. I would tell u to go with the flow. Does he call you too tho?
Author dreamergrl Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 We don't all suck, trust me. OP, how come he couldn't afford a phone while you were dating, but now that you've bruised his ego he's gathered up the cash? I don't have any great advice for no contact because it's been tough in the past for me as well. The easiest way to get over something short term like this that I've found is meet someone more worthy to direct my energy too. You're a beautiful girl and seem to be a really caring person. Trust me, you'll find someone worthy of your positive energy. Focus on that and let this loser go. When he tries to sweet talk you, think of all the times he brought out your insecurities and caused you to doubt him. He actually has had a phone (weekly plans) since the second week he was there (going on his forth). I haven't touched the phone tonight. Nor has he called. Can't say I haven't been tempted, but I'm trying hard. I kind of do wish I had someone else to focus my energy on, but I don't know how good of thing that would be. Wouldn't that just be rebounding?
IcemanJB Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 OP, how long were you no contact with the ex? For a little comparison, it took me THREE months of solid NC to even be simply able to deal with talking to my ex. She broke NC, but it was the same day I planned to do it (complete random coincidence). I made the mistake of meeting up with her recently, but I recovered MUCH easier than when we broke up. Change the caller ID on your phone to read "Batman" when he calls. I bet you'll have a hard time picking up then.
Kamille Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 He feels stressed out, me being upset drives him away. He wants to be with me but it's hard. What a load of crap! Seriously! Don't buy into this Dreamergrl, if this guy was half the man you deserve, he would never dream of blaming you like this. He's immature, and self-centred. I was like you know, if you truly want something with me, you could easily explain to people how things are. So true, and I'm glad you stood up for yourself. More than anything, I want to find someone to love me and care about me, accept me for who I am, not judge my past. I was able to stay away from these bad guys for the last year and a half, then I met this guy. Once you've forgiven yourself about your past, men will stop judging you - or rather, you will stop letting men judge you based on your past. You will also stop thinking a man is great just because he isn't judging you. Forgiving yourself though, that's work that you have to do Dreamer. Fake it 'til you make it. Act as if. Decide, and act. You may not feel like you deserve something good, but you know you WANT something good. Make a conscious decision to choose someone who's good. You KNOW he ain't it! Amen. Dreamergrl, this is what I do. Every night I pray that I continue to make good decisions for myself. That means ending things when the guy's not treating me well. That means discontinuing and blocking all contact with him. That means consciously realizing that I'm making a good decision for myself and feeling really good about ending it permanently. A friend once told me that my problem is that I don't go through men fast enough. These days once they've proven themselves to be unworthy of my time and effort, I end it with them and feel super good about it. I would rather be happy and single than miserable and involved. I promise that once you end all means of communication with him, you're going to feel really good about it. It's all about making good decisions for yourself. It takes practice but is well worth it. This is such great advice, thanks v g!
Author dreamergrl Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 OP, how long were you no contact with the ex? For a little comparison, it took me THREE months of solid NC to even be simply able to deal with talking to my ex. She broke NC, but it was the same day I planned to do it (complete random coincidence). I made the mistake of meeting up with her recently, but I recovered MUCH easier than when we broke up. I started no contact on Friday. Then all that crap happened yesterday. Change the caller ID on your phone to read "Batman" when he calls. I bet you'll have a hard time picking up then. There's an idea What a load of crap! Seriously! Don't buy into this Dreamergrl, if this guy was half the man you deserve, he would never dream of blaming you like this. He's immature, and self-centred. So true, and I'm glad you stood up for yourself. Once you've forgiven yourself about your past, men will stop judging you - or rather, you will stop letting men judge you based on your past. You will also stop thinking a man is great just because he isn't judging you. Forgiving yourself though, that's work that you have to do Dreamer. You know, after getting off of here yesterday and going to work, I put a huge smile on my face. Didn't let anything bother me. I was bright and cheery. People looked at me and had a funny smile on their face lol. Last night was easier. Everytime I wanted to pick up the phone I reminded myself of how crappy I'd most likely feel afterward. I told myself I wanted to go to bed unstressed. I wanted to wake up feeling good. And I made it through all of it. I kept putting off the urge to call. Finally I was dead tired and fell right to sleep. I knew deep down he'd never remove the girl he replaced me with, so I made a promise to myself. If I see that, I will remove him, block him, and take every reminder of him off. So that's what I'm doing. Maybe it's just small steps, but I'm finding ways to cope. Lets hope I keep it up today!
Kamille Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I Lets hope I keep it up today! You will. ________________
Author dreamergrl Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 I found this song that describes everything perfectly. It's Good Bye by Kristinia Debarge
Kamille Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Googled it and I love it. Listen, rinse, repeat. You're moving on.
Author dreamergrl Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Googled it and I love it. Listen, rinse, repeat. You're moving on. I've been listening, rinsing and repeating all morning lol
Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Another one is "Love Don't Live Here" by Lady Antebellum (sp?). It was my rock-out song that helped me get over the last douche. Although it's sung by a guy, I really think the lyrics are appropriate for you.
Author dreamergrl Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Another one is "Love Don't Live Here" by Lady Antebellum (sp?). It was my rock-out song that helped me get over the last douche. Although it's sung by a guy, I really think the lyrics are appropriate for you. I'm listening right now, I like it!
Author dreamergrl Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 I couldn't get it for my playlist though SG Another one I like is "Over it" by Katharine McPhee
Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I couldn't get it for my playlist though SG Another one I like is "Over it" by Katharine McPhee Why not??? That second one is good too. I have that.
Author dreamergrl Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Why not??? That second one is good too. I have that. Cuz I can't find it for it, I could only find it on youtube How about Under appreciated by Christina Aguilera
Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 "To the Left" by Beyonce... I like the songs that have a sort of "eff you" undertone.
Author dreamergrl Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 "To the Left" by Beyonce... I like the songs that have a sort of "eff you" undertone. I'm one step ahead of you, I already have it
start-fresh Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Since you liked the Lady Antebellum, try Kellie Pickler - "Best Days of Your Life." Not much similarity other than being country.
Author dreamergrl Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 Since you liked the Lady Antebellum, try Kellie Pickler - "Best Days of Your Life." Not much similarity other than being country. I like this one too I love listening to these songs, it gives me comfort. It's getting easier, but there's still those moments where I have to put the thoughts out of my head.
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