dreamergrl Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I did something stupid. I talked to the ex today. Someone slap me. Why am I doing this to myself?? I sat there and listened to him tell me how come summer he wants to come back. He isn't looking to be with another woman. He feels stressed out, me being upset drives him away. He wants to be with me but it's hard. Yada yada, he thinks about me all the time. So my confusion and I get curious... look at his myspace, the ex that's talking to his his new #1, and he took down all the pictures of me. I was like if this is all true, and you want us to be together, then why is it like that? I said why would you expect me to sit here and wait for you while you make out another girl to be all important to you. He was all "well I'll change it". I was like if you want all these things, then why don't I come for a visit when I get my break from work at the end of the month? (I started darting out questions to see reactions) he was all like well that would be nice, but I have to talk to people first, because everyone knows I broke up with you (um I broke up with him first). I was like you know, if you truly want something with me, you could easily explain to people how things are. I know this will never work out. I just wish I could get my heart to be inline with my head. Lets hear it, everyone tell me how dumb I am for letting myself be in contact with him.
quankanne Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 YELLLLLLLL! oh, and NAAAAAAGGGGGGG! NAGGITY-NAG-NAG-NAG!!! now stop bashing yourself, kiddo. Because as painful as it was, it sounds like your conversation with him could be the ultimate wake-up call you need at this time to see that this boy isn't the one for you, and your heart's gonna realize it. *hugs* quank
Star Gazer Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 PLEASE tell me he didn't persuade you??!?!? OMG. The cycle continues... it must be want you want, right? A life of drama? You asked for it, here it is. You still gonna take it?
sotired Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Just quit talking to him! Why would any woman willingly play second fiddle to an EX?? Come on girl, you are smarter than this! He didn't have anything to say to you until you walk away and suddenly he's like "oh I'm just stressed".... There are plenty of douche bags in the world....if you are willing to accept that kind of treatment I'd at least trade up for a bigger penis.
tkgirl Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I did something stupid. I talked to the ex today. Someone slap me. Why am I doing this to myself?? I sat there and listened to him tell me how come summer he wants to come back. He isn't looking to be with another woman. He feels stressed out, me being upset drives him away. He wants to be with me but it's hard. Yada yada, he thinks about me all the time. So my confusion and I get curious... look at his myspace, the ex that's talking to his his new #1, and he took down all the pictures of me. I was like if this is all true, and you want us to be together, then why is it like that? I said why would you expect me to sit here and wait for you while you make out another girl to be all important to you. He was all "well I'll change it". I was like if you want all these things, then why don't I come for a visit when I get my break from work at the end of the month? (I started darting out questions to see reactions) he was all like well that would be nice, but I have to talk to people first, because everyone knows I broke up with you (um I broke up with him first). I was like you know, if you truly want something with me, you could easily explain to people how things are. I know this will never work out. I just wish I could get my heart to be inline with my head. Lets hear it, everyone tell me how dumb I am for letting myself be in contact with him. oh dreamrgirl! I won't yell at you! I read all your stuff from this last week or so and found it all very interesting but never responded myself.... ok, I was lurking! but I guess I did this because I can relate to how you are and was curious to see what was going on with your situation. So maybe I'm a little more "detached" than some of the regulars on here who are harder on you, but I do believe it's because they truly care! not that I don't.. anyways... but here goes... DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER THIS! you have feelings for this guy still and there's nothing wrong with that. I also believe he truly does for you too... BUT! he does not sound like he is in a place where he can give you what you deserve... and that is someone who KNOWS HE WANTS TO BE WITH YOU... and ONLY YOU! This guy is trying to have his cake and eat it too... I'd be curious what bull he is feeding the "ex" (?) It sounds like he's trying to play both of you! In his mind he's thinking "maybe I can date the ex again and if that doesn't work out I still have dreamrgirl waiting for me... and I wow, have until summer to figure this out... yeah me!" ugh! it's him that I want to yell at!!!! do NOT put up with this! He doesn't deserve you... and you deserve so much better. I really hope you can walk away from him once and for all now... uless he can step up NOW! wait until summer? geesh! who does he think he is?
Author dreamergrl Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 I keep thinking that it's the wake up call, and even this morning I was feeling good. Then the reply to my goodbye letter, the phone call, and seeing another girl in my place. I felt like I moved myself back to when I was breaking up with him to begin with. I feel stupid and naive. I want to be whisked away and able to forget all about him. Maybe I need some good rebound sex or something.
northstar1 Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I did something stupid. I talked to the ex today. Someone slap me. Why am I doing this to myself?? I sat there and listened to him tell me how come summer he wants to come back. He isn't looking to be with another woman. He feels stressed out, me being upset drives him away. He wants to be with me but it's hard. Yada yada, he thinks about me all the time. So my confusion and I get curious... look at his myspace, the ex that's talking to his his new #1, and he took down all the pictures of me. I was like if this is all true, and you want us to be together, then why is it like that? I said why would you expect me to sit here and wait for you while you make out another girl to be all important to you. He was all "well I'll change it". I was like if you want all these things, then why don't I come for a visit when I get my break from work at the end of the month? (I started darting out questions to see reactions) he was all like well that would be nice, but I have to talk to people first, because everyone knows I broke up with you (um I broke up with him first). I was like you know, if you truly want something with me, you could easily explain to people how things are. I know this will never work out. I just wish I could get my heart to be inline with my head. Lets hear it, everyone tell me how dumb I am for letting myself be in contact with him. You already know the poor decision this was. I guess you need to ask yourself why you attracted to this type of train wreck drama in your life? Don't you think you deserve better than this disaster of a guy? Like a moth to a flame............
Author dreamergrl Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 PLEASE tell me he didn't persuade you??!?!? OMG. The cycle continues... it must be want you want, right? A life of drama? You asked for it, here it is. You still gonna take it? Just quit talking to him! Why would any woman willingly play second fiddle to an EX?? Come on girl, you are smarter than this! He didn't have anything to say to you until you walk away and suddenly he's like "oh I'm just stressed".... There are plenty of douche bags in the world....if you are willing to accept that kind of treatment I'd at least trade up for a bigger penis. No, I don't want a life full of drama. And no, I never said I was going back to him. I just said I was stupid and broke down and allowed the contact. I'm sorry I'm not as flipping strong as some people.
Author dreamergrl Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 You already know the poor decision this was. I guess you need to ask yourself why you attracted to this type of train wreck drama in your life? Don't you think you deserve better than this disaster of a guy? Like a moth to a flame............ Honestly, sometimes I don't feel like I'm deserving of anything good. I never told him I'd stick with him. I never said I wanted to wait for him. I just broke the no contact rule. More than anything, I want to find someone to love me and care about me, accept me for who I am, not judge my past. I was able to stay away from these bad guys for the last year and a half, then I met this guy. It's like the only people who accept me and don't judge me are these guys because they've done all the stupid sh*tty same things, and I can relate to that. Only they don't want to be a better person and I do.
quankanne Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 don't bash yourself, DG ... you DO deserve something/someone good in your life because you're an incredibly special person, so don't stop believing that. look at this latest episode as reinforcement of what you DON'T want/deserve in your life. The more you see it as such, the better you get at listening to your bullshxt detector that helps you weed out men who are not good for you. Sí?
tkgirl Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Honestly, sometimes I don't feel like I'm deserving of anything good. I never told him I'd stick with him. I never said I wanted to wait for him. I just broke the no contact rule. More than anything, I want to find someone to love me and care about me, accept me for who I am, not judge my past. I was able to stay away from these bad guys for the last year and a half, then I met this guy. It's like the only people who accept me and don't judge me are these guys because they've done all the stupid sh*tty same things, and I can relate to that. Only they don't want to be a better person and I do. that's just it.. you have to start believeing that you deserve something good. Forgive yourself and your past mistakes... and move on. Believe me, I am just like you... attracted to the "bad ones" but I'm trying to break that, and I know you are too. It's like you have to wake up every morning and tell yourself "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!" LOL! but it's true.. if you don't start loving yourself, no one else will.
Trialbyfire Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 When words and actions don't match, what does this say to you dreamergirl? Cut contact and walk away from drama central. The boy is a complete loser.
Star Gazer Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Fake it 'til you make it. Act as if. Decide, and act. You may not feel like you deserve something good, but you know you WANT something good. Make a conscious decision to choose someone who's good. You KNOW he ain't it!
sotired Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 That's the thing, not many people are strong. I'm sure as heck not....but sometimes you just have to "fake it until you make it" The more contact you allow him, the more he is pushing the door open for you to accept him again, you have to slam it shut in his face or you are going to start thinking "he's not so bad", etc. I've seen it again and again on these boards.
sotired Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Fake it 'til you make it. Act as if. Decide, and act. LOL! We posted at the same time...I didn't copy you, promise
Author dreamergrl Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 don't bash yourself, DG ... you DO deserve something/someone good in your life because you're an incredibly special person, so don't stop believing that. look at this latest episode as reinforcement of what you DON'T want/deserve in your life. The more you see it as such, the better you get at listening to your bullshxt detector that helps you weed out men who are not good for you. Sí? I know. I just wish alarms would go off in my head before I answer the phone. Maybe it's time to block the emails. Maybe even just block his number from calling my phone. that's just it.. you have to start believeing that you deserve something good. Forgive yourself and your past mistakes... and move on. Believe me, I am just like you... attracted to the "bad ones" but I'm trying to break that, and I know you are too. It's like you have to wake up every morning and tell yourself "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!" LOL! but it's true.. if you don't start loving yourself, no one else will. Maybe I am punishing myself. I keep putting myself through it. I don't know how to step back and force myself to stay away from the drama and crap. I know I need to start believing in myself again. I just don't know where to start. When words and actions don't match, what does this say to you dreamergirl? Cut contact and walk away from drama central. The boy is a complete loser. Can anyone suggest things to do or how to deal with it when the urge to answer the phone comes up? It's like I really felt okay this morning. I haven't emailed him or called him. But the minute I get the contact, the walls break down.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 It was a mistake. Reassert the breakup and don't do it again. You are better than this, and you KNOW it.
Star Gazer Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Can anyone suggest things to do or how to deal with it when the urge to answer the phone comes up? It's like I really felt okay this morning. I haven't emailed him or called him. But the minute I get the contact, the walls break down. (1) TELL HIM NOT TO CALL YOU. You haven't done that. He's said things like, "I'll call you later," and you're not telling him to eff off (proverbially or literally). (2) Screen ALL calls. Don't answer ANY. (3) Change your phone number.
sotired Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Block his emails and his phone. If you don't have the self control right now not to answer, that is what you need to do. If you were trying to quit smoking you aren't going to leave cigarettes around your house...same concept.
Author dreamergrl Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 Fake it 'til you make it. Act as if. Decide, and act. You may not feel like you deserve something good, but you know you WANT something good. Make a conscious decision to choose someone who's good. You KNOW he ain't it! That's the thing, not many people are strong. I'm sure as heck not....but sometimes you just have to "fake it until you make it" The more contact you allow him, the more he is pushing the door open for you to accept him again, you have to slam it shut in his face or you are going to start thinking "he's not so bad", etc. I've seen it again and again on these boards. I know. I know. And I could feel myself weaken when we talked. But at least I wasn't like "okay dickhead, we'll try and make this work". I know I shouldn't have allowed the contact, but I'm at least proud of myself for not caving in to what he wants.
Trialbyfire Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 No one can help you be strong. The only question you have to ask yourself is whether drama = love. If your answer is no, then you know what to do. If your answer is yes, then by all means, retain contact and lap up the pain of being tossed crumbs by a self-entitled little boy.
tkgirl Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I know. I know. And I could feel myself weaken when we talked. But at least I wasn't like "okay dickhead, we'll try and make this work". I know I shouldn't have allowed the contact, but I'm at least proud of myself for not caving in to what he wants. see? you are stronger than you think you are! you didn't give in to what he wants... and now you just keep going. Getting strong takes time... believe me, I am still working on it as I believe a lot of us on here are! sometimes it's like one minute at a time... So now it sounds like it's time to go back to NC with this guy again. It's over... no more phone calls, no emails... and while you're at it block his myspace page too... so you won't be tempted to look at what he's up to. I had to do that when I want through my crap too... took him off my facebook too... mostly because I didn't like reading what all his little groupies were writing to him... and feeding that big head of his... anyways! sorry... it's all about you now put this guy out of your mind and start focusing on YOUR life again.. you CAN do it! and we are all rooting for you!
northstar1 Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I know. I know. And I could feel myself weaken when we talked. But at least I wasn't like "okay dickhead, we'll try and make this work". I know I shouldn't have allowed the contact, but I'm at least proud of myself for not caving in to what he wants. Dreamer, I think you need to think about how much better it is to be alone and single than in a co-dependant, toxic relationship with a dirtbag. The guy has loser written all over him, and you even see this. You are not a loser, why not date one?
Author dreamergrl Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 No, I'm not a loser. I don't think that bad of myself. But I do often ask myself, if I deserve better, why have I not found better? I know I need to resume NC, and do a lot of deleting and blocking. I should have done it before. Some day, I hope, I will no longer feel the need to get the love of someone who doesn't treat me like crap.
quankanne Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 you'll get there, though sometimes baby steps can be frustratin' as hell about these urges to contact him: Tackle them like you would something that is bad for your diet. Tell yourself that you're not going to have it *right* now, but that you're going to wait half an hour to see if you *really* want it or if you just have a mindless urge to eat it. And when that half hour is up, substitute something healthy (in this case, an action like going out for a walk, cleaning the toilet ... okay, not healthy for YOU, but good for housework overall, lol), and keep doing that till you run out of time and you're doing something else that needs to get done. Eventually, delaying tactics psych you into realizing that you don't need to give in to urges.
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