Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 With all due respect, Paper... I don't think you can change this pattern alone. You need help. There's a deep underlying reason why it's happening. You never answered me before - was your father around growing up? SG, are you saying that I'm compensating for my lack of fatherly love from other men? Sure, I didn't grew up with a father, but I was raised by two loving grandparents and my uncle and aunt who treated me like a daughter. And why is everyone accusing me of going after men? Can I just clarify that when I have classes I don't date? I prioritize school first before I even think about guys. It's only right now since I'm done with classes, that I allow myself the free time to hang out with friends and have fun. And it's only this time that I actually asked out artist guy ( which I normally would never do with guys). And it's only this that I actually allow myself to actually genuinely like someone for a change.
Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 SG, are you saying that I'm compensating for my lack of fatherly love from other men? Sure, I didn't grew up with a father... That's exactly what I'm saying. Other parental models cannot compensate for an absent father, the biological male who's supposed to love and support you, not abandon you. Honestly, you DO need therapy. The fear of loss, compensating with sex, trying to make men love you... it all stems from being abandoned by your true, biological father. Call me an arm-chair shrink all you want, but I can spot this a mile away. Been there. And why is everyone accusing me of going after men? They're saying this because that's what you do. You chase. By your own admission, you behave in a manner you hope will make men like you. Don't act like it's only this guy you've been like this with, or I'll go back (again) and post all the threads and posts where you've said just the opposite. Be honest with yourself, Paper.
Kamille Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 And why is everyone accusing me of going after men? Can I just clarify that when I have classes I don't date? I prioritize school first before I even think about guys. It's only right now since I'm done with classes, that I allow myself the free time to hang out with friends and have fun. Ok fair enough. And it's only this time that I actually asked out artist guy ( which I normally would never do with guys). And it's only this that I actually allow myself to actually genuinely like someone for a change. How do you know already you genuinely like him though? that's what I don't get! You hardly know him.
Trialbyfire Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I'm not sure I agree that we know enough about him to assert he's playing her with this much planned cruelty. Just cause he accepts blow-jobs doesn't mean he's an evil power-hungry woman-destroying man. All we know is that he's shown very little interest in her so far, namely because she's making all the moves. So far, she has thrown herself at him, with very little instigation on his side (sorry paper, but it's true). This doesn't mean he's evil - it only means she needs to learn to let the guys she likes take more of an active role in setting up dates.Eh? He's a gamer. She's acting like a gamer. Where's the evil in this? He's getting what he wants and she's allowing it.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 I'm not sure I agree that we know enough about him to assert he's playing her with this much planned cruelty. Just cause he accepts blow-jobs doesn't mean he's an evil power-hungry woman-destroying man. All we know is that he's shown very little interest in her so far, namely because she's making all the moves. So far, she has thrown herself at him, with very little instigation on his side (sorry paper, but it's true). This doesn't mean he's evil - it only means she needs to learn to let the guys she likes take more of an active role in setting up dates. :lmao: I'm certain he's not. See the reason that I've taken a liking to him is because of his personality. He's really laid back, easy going, and he's just so talented. We never actually have a dull minute when we're together because our conversations just flow. We don't talk about sex or anything awkward, instead we talk about canvasses, arts, and galleries, and Italy (where he went to live a while back). We talk about our favorite foods, and how we should cook for each other just because he can probably eat a whole cow in one meal. We talk about my vegetarianism and about chinese food, and how I'll take him to Chinatown just to let him try some authentic Canton. He's actually never seen Titanic. Which was hilarious to me, because he missed out on so much stuff, and I see myself just introducing him to all these things. So I gave a bj. But it doesn't come close to truly define our entire interactions.
Kamille Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Eh? He's a gamer. She's acting like a gamer. Where's the evil in this? He's getting what he wants and she's allowing it. What concrete evidence do we have that he's a gamer?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Ok fair enough. How do you know already you genuinely like him though? that's what I don't get! You hardly know him. Kamille, even if I hardly know him, I truly honestly want to know everything about him. I don't want to be nosy or anything, and I never asked him about his past relationships with his exes. But I know he loves his parents, his brothers, his hobbies, his likes and dislikes ( hockey and soccer), and he knows what I like. So if we see each other more, I can see ourselves just sitting on a bench overlooking the Hudson and just talk. The simplicity of things is that, we actually really do enjoy each other's company.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 That's exactly what I'm saying. Other parental models cannot compensate for an absent father, the biological male who's supposed to love and support you, not abandon you. Honestly, you DO need therapy. The fear of loss, compensating with sex, trying to make men love you... it all stems from being abandoned by your true, biological father. Call me an arm-chair shrink all you want, but I can spot this a mile away. Been there. They're saying this because that's what you do. You chase. By your own admission, you behave in a manner you hope will make men like you. Don't act like it's only this guy you've been like this with, or I'll go back (again) and post all the threads and posts where you've said just the opposite. Be honest with yourself, Paper. No SG, maybe I do have a tendency to lie to myself, but I also learned in a way to accept some of my flaws. I don't need therapy in so much as long as I have people who love me, I know they accept. Maybe I do compensate myself with other people's company, but at least I can differentiate between the positive and the negative people I surround myself with. Again I don't need therapy. It doesn't solve everything.
Kamille Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 See the reason that I've taken a liking to him is because of his personality. He's really laid back, easy going, and he's just so talented. We never actually have a dull minute when we're together because our conversations just flow. We don't talk about sex or anything awkward, instead we talk about canvasses, arts, and galleries, and Italy (where he went to live a while back). We talk about our favorite foods, and how we should cook for each other just because he can probably eat a whole cow in one meal. We talk about my vegetarianism and about chinese food, and how I'll take him to Chinatown just to let him try some authentic Canton. Ok, it does sound like you two have a good time together. So why does that make you panic? (And I'm asking, knowing all too well that I do the same thing). Could you accept that you are as much a part of how sweet your interactions are as he is? That you don't need to control this situation by dressing a particular way, or giving bjs, and that no matter if things work out or not, it will be for the best? And it will be for the best because you will only accept to be in a relationship with a man who is 100% as crazy about you as you are about him? You don't have to have this guy at all cost papercut. And as TBF pointed out, it certainly shouldn't come at the price of your self-respect.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Eh? He's a gamer. She's acting like a gamer. Where's the evil in this? He's getting what he wants and she's allowing it. TBF, explain. how am I acting like a gamer?
Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Maybe I do compensate myself with other people's company, but at least I can differentiate between the positive and the negative people I surround myself with. Uh, "people's company"?? Is that what you call oral sex and intercourse? I'll be blunt, Paper. You compensate for the absence of platonic, genuine love of from the man who's supposed to love you (biological father), by going after "love" the only way you know how: by sucking the dicks of guys you barely know in the hopes that doing so will make them like you.
Trialbyfire Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 What concrete evidence do we have that he's a gamer? What concrete evidence do we have that he's not? All we have on LS, are events as perceived by the OP and interpreted by members who give advice. I wasn't aware that differing opinions weren't welcome in this thread so I'll let those more factually knowledgeable than me, provide their advice.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Uh, "people's company"?? Is that what you call oral sex and intercourse? I'll be blunt, Paper. You compensate for the absence of platonic, genuine love of from the man who's supposed to love you (biological father), by going after "love" the only way you know how: by sucking the dicks of guys you barely know in the hopes that doing so will make them like you. Star!!!! You're not reading what I write. The only people I have sexual intercourse with are my exes, and that's when I was in a relationship. I don't give bj to everyone, and neither do I have an intention to. I only did to artist guy. Only him!!!! Yeah okay it was on the second date, but at least it wasn't sex.
Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 TBF and K... I'm not so sure it matters right now what artist guy's motives are here. Paper's gotta fix herself first, before she can be healthy with anyone else.
boldjack Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 PC, I know that you aren't ashamed about the BJ. What you are worrying about is what "signal" it sent to him and how he will react etc. Instead of games-playing , why don't you be direct. ASK him what he thinks, in person. Don't text him, meet with him, tell him you like him and like the direction the relationship is going, and ask him what he thinks. I'm betting that he will give you a straight answer, it may be good or it may be bad, but it will be an answer. All of this over-analizing, deal-making sh*t is what causes relationships to go sour. If you are freaking now, what's going to happen when/if you go to bed with him? It's always been my experience that if you are honest and direct with someone, they will return the favor. If they don't, you don't want to be with them anyway.
Kamille Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 What concrete evidence do we have that he's not? All we have on LS, are events as perceived by the OP and interpreted by members who give advice. I wasn't aware that differing opinions weren't welcome in this thread so I'll let those more factually knowledgeable than me, provide their advice. Au contraire TBF, my opinion differed, so I wanted to know more about yours.
Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Star!!!! You're not reading what I write. The only people I have sexual intercourse with are my exes, and that's when I was in a relationship. I don't give bj to everyone, and neither do I have an intention to. I only did to artist guy. Only him!!!! Yeah okay it was on the second date, but at least it wasn't sex. OMG. Do I really need to go copy and paste from the other thread where I quoted you talking about having sex with a guy you barely knew, and then tossing him aside? Or enjoying one night stands? Alrighty, here we go. "http://www.loveshack.org/forums/show...7&postcount=29 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/show...3&postcount=31 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/show...3&postcount=31 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/show...8&postcount=16 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t172417/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t187240/ I mean, one guy you were sleeping with/dating for just a few weeks, and then you dumped him. You let another guy cheat with you, via phone sex. You don't mind the occasional ONS. You help men out by "gratifying them sexually." And this is just from your threads. Your posts in others' threads reveals more." Seriously, Paper. You create a "paper" trail when you post here. You're lying to yourself. If this was the only guy you'd ever done this with, you'd be traumatized right now. But you're taking it in stride. Why? Because this is common practice for you.
BCCA Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 but at least it wasn't sex. I'm shaking my head... Someone please explain how sucking a guys dick is less then sex? It's not, and I asked about 8 people since yesterday the same question, all guys, and they all said they would have more respect for you if you just screwed the guy. Giving head is NOT less than sex, its called oral sex. You just get nothing out of it.
kizik Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 "I don't need therapy" The more you protest, the more it convinces me you do need it. I don't get why you're so resistant to learning about yourself. Oh well. You're just going to continue to live the same attention-seeking life, and you're going to end up with herpes, or worse.
AAlike Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 wow this could be the most overanalyzed BJ'er in history! makes me think of this (an all-time classic): anyway - I don't really see the hum-hum as being that huge of a deal - it amazes me that some of you think that in this day and age that she's "disrespecting herself" by doing this. It's not like she did it in the middle of a restaurant or something. I'm hoping that some of you are basing this psychoanalysis of her on more information. The real red flag that I see here, though, are the "white lies." that's a very bad trend and, IMO, is more indicative of the "seeking love and approval from strangers" thing that others are talking about than the knob slob (call me mr. euphemism).
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 OMG. Do I really need to go copy and paste from the other thread where I quoted you talking about having sex with a guy you barely knew, and then tossing him aside? Or enjoying one night stands? Alrighty, here we go. "http://www.loveshack.org/forums/show...7&postcount=29 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/show...3&postcount=31 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/show...3&postcount=31 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/show...8&postcount=16 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t172417/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t187240/ I mean, one guy you were sleeping with/dating for just a few weeks, and then you dumped him. You let another guy cheat with you, via phone sex. You don't mind the occasional ONS. You help men out by "gratifying them sexually." And this is just from your threads. Your posts in others' threads reveals more." Seriously, Paper. You create a "paper" trail when you post here. You're lying to yourself. If this was the only guy you'd ever done this with, you'd be traumatized right now. But you're taking it in stride. Why? Because this is common practice for you. Star, the guy I had phone sex with was the same guy I dumped after a few weeks. He was my EX. Just because I don't clarify in my threads doesn't mean I expect you to start assuming things. And the only reason I started the thread on " satisfying men" was because I was curious about others responses. It did not mean I actually went out and start satisfying men.
kizik Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 - OP talks about being promiscuous. - All other posters respond with concern and advice. - OP tries to justify her sluttiness. This will continue for another seven pages...
Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 - OP talks about being promiscuous. - All other posters respond with concern and advice. - OP tries to justify her sluttiness. This will continue for another seven pages... Agreed. *shrug*
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 wow this could be the most overanalyzed BJ'er in history! makes me think of this (an all-time classic): anyway - I don't really see the hum-hum as being that huge of a deal - it amazes me that some of you think that in this day and age that she's "disrespecting herself" by doing this. It's not like she did it in the middle of a restaurant or something. I'm hoping that some of you are basing this psychoanalysis of her on more information. The real red flag that I see here, though, are the "white lies." that's a very bad trend and, IMO, is more indicative of the "seeking love and approval from strangers" thing that others are talking about than the knob slob (call me mr. euphemism). AA, the white lies ( which I will not get into detail about) were personal things that I felt I couldn't easily explain to him. I mean I only recently started seeing him, and it would be a shocker if he knew. I mean would you actually want a girl to tell you her time of the month when you only seen 2-3 times? I think it's pretty much the same thing.
Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 AA, the white lies ( which I will get into detail about) were personal things that I felt I couldn't easily explain to him. I mean I only recently started seeing him, and it would be a shocker if he knew. I mean would you actually want a girl to tell you her time of the month when you only seen 2-3 times? I think it's pretty much the same thing. If you don't feel comfortable telling a guy "personal things" like the simple fact that you have your period, you should not have his d*ck in your mouth and his cum going down your throat. I mean, really.
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