Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Let him know you aren't like that with everyone. Say it face to face. No text or phone call. But this isn't really true. She does get physical with most guys she's attracted to. Besides, most guys don't believe the whole, "Oh, I never do that so soon" schpeel.
Kamille Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I do let men court me, most of the guys right now either wants to take me out to dinner and I haven't said yes to them. The only guy I really asked out in a long time was artist guy. Bean my ex was an ass. I respect myself enough now not to allow any guy to actually play with my emotions. I should have mentioned artist guy is the only guy in a year since my ex, that I actually really like. I was only impulsive with him. What I'm struggling to understand is why the fact that you finally find a guy interesting means that you would suddenly start acting like you're not worthy of his love. You must be really scared when you finally find yourself liking a guy. Panicked, because you're giving him incredible power over you. And yet, he's done nothing to deserve to have that power yet. Nor has he attested in any way that he wants it. Also, on a lighter note, I think you have to learn how to get guys you like to approach you. I thought I would never get there, but it's actually easier then you think. The catch though is that you have to believe in yourself.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 But this isn't really true. She does get physical with most guys she's attracted to. Besides, most guys don't believe the whole, "Oh, I never do that so soon" schpeel. I get physical with most guys to the point where they would hug me or whatnot. But artist guy is the only guy aside from my exes that I've given a bj to. And I would never play the innocent card.
amaysngrace Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 But this isn't really true. She does get physical with most guys she's attracted to. Besides, most guys don't believe the whole, "Oh, I never do that so soon" schpeel. She said it's true. I guess they won't believe it if it's a little white lie.
Trialbyfire Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Huh?Have you ever played someone or been played? You get closer, looks like things are going well, then he pulls back each time. He shows you a good time, then he pulls back. You're intrigued.
Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 She said it's true. I guess they won't believe it if it's a little white lie. That would make it the second lie she's told him...
BCCA Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Sometimes I wonder if LS contradicts itself. How is having sex any better than a bj? I thought you guys lose respect for a woman who gives herself up that early, and on a second date as well. I thought a bj would be more tame than that. I never said a bj is more tame. I personally think quite the opposite. If you didnt want to give it up, make him wait on getting off - period.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 See too me, these two statements don't work together. That was only because I wasn't feeling really well night. I started getting stomach 2 hours before i went out, but I didn't want to cancel out on the guy, so that's why I had just wanted to get things over with. Normally I would be excited about going on dates, but it was really cold and windy. It was also raining, and I don't really like being cold.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 If all the friends and dates and Greenwich Village lofts and blowjobs were removed from your life, you would collapse. Who are you without them? I doubt you know. kizik, you're not my shrink. But you are right, without any of those things, i would think I'm nothing. Sometimes I do feel like I have no self worth, but if pretending is what gets me somewhere, then I might as well just let people think I'm confident on the outside as opposed to being scared.
kizik Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Holy crap, what are we still talking about. PC, you create these threads asking for "advice," but you don't give a sh*t what anyone says. The ONLY point of these threads is to brag about the guys that "like" you. Always attention. Always you.
Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 kizik, you're not my shrink. But you are right, without any of those things, i would think I'm nothing. Sometimes I do feel like I have no self worth, but if pretending is what gets me somewhere, then I might as well just let people think I'm confident on the outside as opposed to being scared. You are not your vagina or mouth or sexual skills, Paper. You're more than that.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Have you ever played someone or been played? You get closer, looks like things are going well, then he pulls back each time. He shows you a good time, then he pulls back. You're intrigued. I know about this. But I honestly don't think I ever went through something like that. So you assume that's what he's doing?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Holy crap, what are we still talking about. PC, you create these threads asking for "advice," but you don't give a sh*t what anyone says. The ONLY point of these threads is to brag about the guys that "like" you. Always attention. Always you. No, kizik, I do listen to the advices, and i keep them in my mind. But you're analyzing me and assuming I'm some kind of maniac or psycho.
kizik Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Not a maniac. Not a psycho. Just someone who could benefit from a LOT of therapy. You just admitted you have no self-worth without constant external validation. To me, that seems like narcissism and/or a personality disorder. These things need to be addressed with therapy.
Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Have you ever played someone or been played? You get closer, looks like things are going well, then he pulls back each time. He shows you a good time, then he pulls back. You're intrigued. I don't think that's what's going on here. I think he knew what he could get, got it, and moved on. He'll be back not because of a push-pull, but because he thinks he can hit it easily again.
amaysngrace Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Holy crap, what are we still talking about. PC, you create these threads asking for "advice," but you don't give a sh*t what anyone says. The ONLY point of these threads is to brag about the guys that "like" you. Always attention. Always you. It's her thread. She's allowed to post about anything she wants to post about. Same as you can reply or not reply to anything you want to. But no need to get nasty.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Tell him about it then. He may be having the wrong impression of you so let him know that you think it was too soon. Let him know you aren't like that with everyone. Say it face to face. No text or phone call. But wait for him to contact you. Amy, I don't think the problem is that he thinks I'm promiscuous. I don't think I've given him that idea. The point is I told him I liked him, and I think that scared him off.
dreamergrl Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 That was only because I wasn't feeling really well night. I started getting stomach 2 hours before i went out, but I didn't want to cancel out on the guy, so that's why I had just wanted to get things over with. Normally I would be excited about going on dates, but it was really cold and windy. It was also raining, and I don't really like being cold. But yet you also said that you couldn't stop thinking about the other guy. I agree - you need to take a man break, and sort some things out with yourself. It's not a bad thing, a lot of people need to take time off from dating.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Not a maniac. Not a psycho. Just someone who could benefit from a LOT of therapy. You just admitted you have no self-worth without constant external validation. To me, that seems like narcissism and/or a personality disorder. These things need to be addressed with therapy. Kizik, at least everyone has these same kind of feelings once in their life. I had really low esteem back in high school. I mean who hasn't? It doesn't mean that I need to see a therapist, it just means I learned to accept that I won't be having good days all the time. Stop telling me to see a therapist.
amaysngrace Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Amy, I don't think the problem is that he thinks I'm promiscuous. I don't think I've given him that idea. The point is I told him I liked him, and I think that scared him off. Well then do what Trialbyfire suggested. You hooked him too and you left him a nice message. Plus you have amazed him with your oral technique. Back off and maybe he'll find you intriguing. But back way off.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 But yet you also said that you couldn't stop thinking about the other guy. I agree - you need to take a man break, and sort some things out with yourself. It's not a bad thing, a lot of people need to take time off from dating. I said I couldn't stop thinking about artist guy is because when A kissed me, I wished he was someone else. I mean the date was fine, but when he does things like hugging me or kissing me, I wish I was with someone else.
Trialbyfire Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I know about this. But I honestly don't think I ever went through something like that. So you assume that's what he's doing?Yes. I don't think that's what's going on here. I think he knew what he could get, got it, and moved on. He'll be back not because of a push-pull, but because he thinks he can hit it easily again. He hasn't sealed the deal yet so that's why he's dragging out the response to her text, playing on her fear of loss. He's made her chase him, flirting to keep up the interest level and showing her a good time, each time. Each time, she's willing to go a little further. He'll be back, if only to seal the deal.
Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Stop telling me to see a therapist. With all due respect, Paper... I don't think you can change this pattern alone. You need help. There's a deep underlying reason why it's happening. You never answered me before - was your father around growing up?
Kamille Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Yes. He hasn't sealed the deal yet so that's why he's dragging out the response to her text, playing on her fear of loss. He's made her chase him, flirting to keep up the interest level and showing her a good time, each time. Each time, she's willing to go a little further. He'll be back, if only to seal the deal. I'm not sure I agree that we know enough about him to assert he's playing her with this much planned cruelty. Just cause he accepts blow-jobs doesn't mean he's an evil power-hungry woman-destroying man. All we know is that he's shown very little interest in her so far, namely because she's making all the moves. So far, she has thrown herself at him, with very little instigation on his side (sorry paper, but it's true). This doesn't mean he's evil - it only means she needs to learn to let the guys she likes take more of an active role in setting up dates.
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