Trialbyfire Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 xpaper, don't ever allow fear of loss, to trump self-respect. No matter how hard you pretzel yourself, you can't buy or prove yourself worthy of respect and love.
Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 xpaper, don't ever allow fear of loss, to trump self-respect. No matter how hard you pretzel yourself, you can't buy or prove yourself worthy of respect and love. You're always able to say things so concisely!
dreamergrl Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I'm curious about the little white lie that will make him hate you. Not trying to be harsh, but is telling a lie a good way to start things off?
Trialbyfire Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 You're always able to say things so concisely!Thanks, I try, since it's also my preference for advice received.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Thanks guys, I know you guys really care. Unfortunately, what was done was done, and I really don't have the power to turn back time. Maybe I would've done things differently? I noticed that there's alot of guys chasing me recently and in a way I'm happy for the attention. Yet at the same time, I sometimes feel like I do things too impulsively. Like last night, I went on a date with a guy named A, and we went for sushi in midtown. While it was fun to not think about the other things going on my mind, the idea of dating someone else just really wasn't all that exciting as I had previously thought. I couldn't get this nagging feeling in the back of my mind like I was doing something wrong, like I was betraying someone. A was fun, I don't mind, he was protective of me and wrapped his arms around me when I was cold. But while his hands was on shoulders, I couldn't help but wanted to look away, because the only person that really actually on my mind was artist guy. Even when A was being affectionate and he gave a kiss at the subway, I could help but wish he was someone else. That moment, my mind was running around, and I stupidly decided to text artist guy to tell him " J-- I like you". I know, I know it was stupid of me. I wish I was drunk last night then I could have contributed it to drunk texting. But I wasn't drunk. I wasn't even slightly tipsy. So guys, I think it's over between me and him. I don't know whether I should be relieved or sad. I feel neither.
Trialbyfire Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Why do you feel it's over? Did he not reply to the text?
kizik Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I wonder if you know what it's like to live in a world where you're not the center of attention. What it means to have to do things for yourself. Can you even see yourself without looking through the twisted lens of a guy's gaze? Judging by your posts and threads, it doesn't seem like you have a very extensive life beyond this kind of Sex in the City knocking out man after man. You're always going to be able to get some guy to f*ck you, PC. Maybe it's time to pursue other goals.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Why do you feel it's over? Did he not reply to the text? He didn't TBF. I texted him last night at 12, so i would assume he'll read it in the morning. But it's 2 now, so there's no reason that he couldn't have gotten the text or anything like that.
Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Well, it depends on what your definition of "over" is. I can almost guarantee he'll contact you again... I'm just not so sure it will be for a reason you'd be happy about. I know what you mean about being out on a date with someone when you can't stop thinking about someone else. I'm actually a little surprised that you'd be out on a date with another guy so soon after being so intimate with artist guy. It seems... out of place. Make men court you, Paper. Make them prove to you that they're worthy of your attention and love, not the other way around.
Trialbyfire Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 You've taken the bait, now he's reeling you in. Take the hook out before he comes back for more.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 You've taken the bait, now he's reeling you in. Take the hook out before he comes back for more. Huh?
bean1 Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 paper, you remind me of myself at your age Looking back, it was a lack of self-esteem and the thought that a guy would suddenly love me or treat me like a real girlfriend if I did those things with him. I think I went at about your pace too. It wasn't until I ended up with one who completely treated me like trash (despite my desperate attempts to change him) that I realized that it was time to change MY behaviour. If you don't change your behaviour you will end up in the same position over and over again. You can only change yourself, not others. Whether you want to continue or not is your choice, but ask yourself, is this what you really want??
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Well, it depends on what your definition of "over" is. I can almost guarantee he'll contact you again... I'm just not so sure it will be for a reason you'd be happy about. I know what you mean about being out on a date with someone when you can't stop thinking about someone else. I'm actually a little surprised that you'd be out on a date with another guy so soon after being so intimate with artist guy. It seems... out of place. Make men court you, Paper. Make them prove to you that they're worthy of your attention and love, not the other way around. Star i'm glad you're optimistic, but I don't think he will contact me. I do let men court me, most of the guys right now either wants to take me out to dinner and I haven't said yes to them. The only guy I really asked out in a long time was artist guy. Last night's date wasn't even suppose to occur, I should have taken a rain check. But I had wanted to get it over with so I can actually have some time to myself for the rest of the week. I've been so worn out lately.
boldjack Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Why all the games playing? Paper , if YOU wanted to s*ck him, ok, you did, it doesn't make you sleazy. What if it had been the other way round, and he ate you, would you think bad of him? Relationships shouldn't be a game, they should be a meeting of the minds and hearts of two people. This whole "cat and mouse" thing is childish.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 paper, you remind me of myself at your age Looking back, it was a lack of self-esteem and the thought that a guy would suddenly love me or treat me like a real girlfriend if I did those things with him. I think I went at about your pace too. It wasn't until I ended up with one who completely treated me like trash (despite my desperate attempts to change him) that I realized that it was time to change MY behaviour. If you don't change your behaviour you will end up in the same position over and over again. You can only change yourself, not others. Whether you want to continue or not is your choice, but ask yourself, is this what you really want?? Bean my ex was an ass. I respect myself enough now not to allow any guy to actually play with my emotions. I should have mentioned artist guy is the only guy in a year since my ex, that I actually really like. I was only impulsive with him.
bean1 Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Have you ever thought about just taking off for a while? Going away, perhaps on a working holiday or just on vacation? When I was feeling low and basically in your situation, I went to the middle east for a while (where there was no hanky panky allowed!) and just enjoyed being on my own and hanging out with other girls. Gave me a lot of time to reflect.
kizik Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 You realize the men you're dating are actual people, right? Not just things to "get out of the way"? You creep me out, PC. I honestly sense some sociopathic tendencies.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Why all the games playing? Paper , if YOU wanted to s*ck him, ok, you did, it doesn't make you sleazy. What if it had been the other way round, and he ate you, would you think bad of him? Relationships shouldn't be a game, they should be a meeting of the minds and hearts of two people. This whole "cat and mouse" thing is childish. Bold I don't understand. I'm not playing any games. I did not say I regret having given him a blowjob.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 You realize the men you're dating are actual people, right? Not just things to "get out of the way"? You creep me out, PC. I honestly sense some sociopathic tendencies. kizik, noooo..... I know they're people. I never said they're things I just throw out of the way. The only reason I said artist guy and me was over is because he never really replied. So I can only assume either I scared him away or he doesn't really care.
Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Star i'm glad you're optimistic, but I don't think he will contact me. I wasn't really being optimistic. I meant to convey that he will call you, when he wants another BJ... but not a date, and not a relationship. I do let men court me, most of the guys right now either wants to take me out to dinner and I haven't said yes to them. The only guy I really asked out in a long time was artist guy. ONE dinner date is not courting. Courting is an extended period. My suggestion would be to refrain from sex of any kind until you find yourself in, or on the verge of, a real, committed, exclusive relationship. Last night's date wasn't even suppose to occur, I should have taken a rain check. But I had wanted to get it over with so I can actually have some time to myself for the rest of the week. I've been so worn out lately. What do you mean you wanted to "get it over with"?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Have you ever thought about just taking off for a while? Going away, perhaps on a working holiday or just on vacation? When I was feeling low and basically in your situation, I went to the middle east for a while (where there was no hanky panky allowed!) and just enjoyed being on my own and hanging out with other girls. Gave me a lot of time to reflect. I haven't been on vacation in a while. I've had thoughts about heading to Martha's vineyard later on in the summer with my family.
amaysngrace Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Tell him about it then. He may be having the wrong impression of you so let him know that you think it was too soon. Let him know you aren't like that with everyone. Say it face to face. No text or phone call. But wait for him to contact you.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 I wasn't really being optimistic. I meant to convey that he will call you, when he wants another BJ... but not a date, and not a relationship. ONE dinner date is not courting. Courting is an extended period. My suggestion would be to refrain from sex of any kind until you find yourself in, or on the verge of, a real, committed, exclusive relationship. What do you mean you wanted to "get it over with"? That's what I think too. My schedule had been so tightly packed these last 4 days, my friends calling me and trying to get me to go out. I've also been having a hard time getting sleep at night. The date last night, A, he made the date, although I just would have wanted to tell him to reschedule for wednesday. The weather has been making me cranky as well. But I was like, okay I'll just go on this date, and if there's no chemistry, then that's that.
kizik Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 If all the friends and dates and Greenwich Village lofts and blowjobs were removed from your life, you would collapse. Who are you without them? I doubt you know.
dreamergrl Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 kizik, noooo..... I know they're people. I never said they're things I just throw out of the way. The only reason I said artist guy and me was over is because he never really replied. So I can only assume either I scared him away or he doesn't really care. Last night's date wasn't even suppose to occur, I should have taken a rain check. But I had wanted to get it over with so I can actually have some time to myself for the rest of the week. I've been so worn out lately. See too me, these two statements don't work together.
Recommended Posts