catt417 Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Ok, so this is something new that I am trying because I am at my wits end!!! Anybody ever have one of those on and off again relationships and every time it was off again it killed you on the inside!!!!Thats me and my life. Been with a guy for three years that I love to death and in some strange way I know that he loves me too but we just cant seem to get it right!!! For example, yesterday(Sunday) he calls me to tell me he has to go get a prescription and will stop by. OK...so he stops by and informs me hes gonna go out for a motorcycle ride. I told him have a great day!! I started to think about how this is the root of our problems. About how he had spent mon-fri night at my house {he works mon-sat} And Im thinking about how he has Sundays off and sleeps at home Saturday night when we could actually sleep in together. I called him to leave him a message. To my surprise, he answered. I asked him what the point was of stopping over my house, to tell me what he was doing that day? I asked him where in that was him asking me what I wanted to do on such a nice day? I told him I should be more than a girlfriend on the nights that he has to work the next day and instead of telling me what hes gonna do on his days off, he should be asking me what I want to do. He then, of course, asked me what I wanted to do. I asked him how many of his friends he called that day, and he said just a few. I told him hes not worth it and how dare him treat me like a mon-friday girlfriend. His excuse was that we{me and my kids} get on his nerves and he needs time to himself..I told him that we dont have a future then if hes gonna take off on me whenever he has the week-end off and cant spend time with me or us...He says he pays too much for his motorcycle to let it sit there. I told him take a ride during the week and spend time with us on the week-end. He says hes not doing anything wrong. If its me, please let me know but I totally feel like a week-day convenience...Does anyone understand? We have broken up tons of times before because the minute his friends call he could care less what we want to do. He looks at is as spending time with his friends, I look at it as ditching us on the week-ends. Thanks alot...
Author catt417 Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 Believe it or not, I am 41 and he is 48. I feel as if I am too old for this.
Author catt417 Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 BTW, he talks about marriage and a future, yet he is 48 and lives with his brother. I told him I cant see a future if he we get on his nerves. Funny how we dont get on his nerves mon-fri...and he claims he spent sat night at his brothers, yet I wonder if he is going out. His social life is very important to him and I can understand to a certain degree. Yet his motivation for heading towards a future seems to be put on the back burner for good times with friends. Ex...instead of saving money to get out of his brothers, he blows his money going here and there. Dont get me wrong, he has given me money, but he doesnt live with me and I think after 3 years I am entitled to more of a...um..stable relationship, I guess.
Perrier Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Hi thought I'd reply. I have an acquaintance who is seeing a girl for four years now, I always asked him is he gonna marry her, he said no and neither is he gonna live with her cos he values his freedom. I used to go clubbing with mates quite a lot and the two of them were always there. Anyway, last year I started seeing him on his own and asked what happened. He said his gf dumped him, she doesn't wanna contact him again cos she asked him to move in and he refused. He said he was cut up but would try to get over it. He told me - she is a mature woman who has done everything meaning she's 40, he is 39) she has three kids,( 20yrs to 8 yrs) was married twice before, and one of the husbands was a yardie (bad boy) type I asked what is he finding wrong with any of the above He replied - She is too serious, wants to stay in all the time and not club whereas he wants to club and have fun - He cant take on any of her children - When he settles, he wants to start afresh with a woman who has no kids and make a family with her - Because of all her 'baggage' settling with 'someone like her will not please' his parents and when he is settling he 'has to consider' them I asked could you not sort this out, he said well on weekends when they dont go out, he stays in her flat and thought that was the relationship and she was happy with that? I was stunned because when we used to see them, he's always glued to her, if he misses her he searches frantically for her. Goes to show things not what they may appear like Six months later, they are back together, he said she contacted him out of the blue. I asked any progress since last time and he said whatever happens he aint moving in with her or marrying her. Apparently she has accpeted this and is happy with it so he says Im not saying this applies to you but it your situation sounds fishy to me. Apparently a sign of moving closer is that you are included in each other's weekends not relegated to weekdays only like a 'business'. Soz if its not what you wanted to hear
Author catt417 Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Thank you for answering, it sounds alot like my situation, the only difference is he has two children himself, but doesnt see them very often. Yes, he wishes he could see them more, yet, because he cant, I am expected to run and I wont. I like to include my kids on things and I dont want them to remember their childhood as being left with a sitter. I wonder, does your mate tell his girlfriend that he will never live with her? Marry her? Mine has lived with me before, but there isnt enough room at my place for all of his stuff. Thanks again! Oh and he must love her if he keeps looking for her when they arent together, just seems afraid of commitment/being tied down.
Perrier Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Well I don't know them well and cos the woman is a bit touchy if women talk to her bloke I dont spend time with him. He was very open till she came along, after that me and my mate say hello to him thats it if she's around. Yes I feel he must love her if he panicks when he cant see her thing is he takes stuff at these clubs so I sont know if thats influencing it at all cos Ive never seen him straight if you know what I mean. I didnt realise your bloke has kids, why cant he see them more often? Encouraging too he's lives with you before. Not good when you're 'relegated' to the weekend which is theoretically fun time for many people. Mine is like hat too. perhaps you can take a look at my post and comment? Hope this helps
Perrier Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Thanks for posting on my thread. Yeah i think I am looking for love in a dry place. My 'bloke' is unreceptive and oblivious. If I am wrong, he's kept it hidden well. Nearly phoned him tonight but thought better of it, Im sure he aint gving me any healthy thought. I'm happy you saw my replies to your post in the spirit of how I meant them. Re that guy and his gf I was shocked because of his real feelings about his gf and that he'd balked when she tried to take things to the next level. When I read your post I saw some similarity there although I can only speculate as to why your bloke has suddenly changed his tune. Hope it helps
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