goodbyebluesky82 Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 How do you stay friends with a girl without seeming needy or clingy, if the timing is not right to date but you would like to again in the future? Any hints, tips, ideas on how to stay connected to this girl? I met her through an online site that confirmed we had great compatibility. We went out over several weeks and had a lot of fun and great conversation, while talking regularly through email/phone/text through this period. After 3 dates we were quite honest about our mutual affection and attraction and things seemed to be moving perfectly, and she was wanting to see me more than just weekends. What made it blow up in my face is the fact that my divorce will drag on for another 6 months+ because of my state's draconian laws concerning seperation length, and this quite bothered her when it came out. At best- it was less than ideal for her, to be in a serious relationship with a guy who is still married legally. And I respect that. I might be being naive or overly optimistic, but this girl is incredible and I would love to continue seeing her as a friend, continue to get to know her and spend time together, and possibly date her in the future when the time is right. She has said she would like to still see me, and she agreed to an afternoon movie to which we went to. My buddy says this is perfect because I can be flirty and show her what a great guy I am with no pressure or expectation, but I really worry about being that guy who just won't leave a girl alone that he has dated and get on her nerves. And the subject of us dating, or any kind of "feelings" are now a bit taboo to talk about because well..... we're just "friends" now. help from ladies perspective, or maybe some guys tips? I am 26, she is 29 by the way.
Lauriebell82 Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I dont know about that, I think it's maybe best that you cool it off until your divorce is final. If you still want to date her you are going to have trouble just being "friends." And friends don't flirt with each other or hang out in hopes of going out again. Friends are just that..friends. I suggest leaving it like this: "Hey I really like you and hope we can date again, but I think it's best that I take care of my divorce first and then maybe we could start seeing each other. I think it would be unfair to either of us to stay friends when we want more." When your divorce is final and you are free and clear then contact her again in hopes of hooking back up. My two cents anyway.
Author goodbyebluesky82 Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 Thanks! Well, the "seeing" each other meant like.... a movie once in a while, or a fun activity like friends would do, and not the more date-like variety, and certainly nowhere near as frequently. She is under the impression that we will be just friends, and is probably assuming I will continue dating other girls. Which I might, but I don't want her to just become a stranger because our dating hit a snag. I never date a girl I couldn't be great friends with, so making that connection and then having to let go 100% is hard. Would it be better to just remain facebook/networking friends and keep in touch instead of putting effort into still hanging out occasionally, and then when my divorce is final seek her out? Thats taking a big risk because she could have put away any and all desire to date me by then, but it could also be romantic as hell if she reacts positively.
Lauriebell82 Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Thanks! Well, the "seeing" each other meant like.... a movie once in a while, or a fun activity like friends would do, and not the more date-like variety, and certainly nowhere near as frequently. She is under the impression that we will be just friends, and is probably assuming I will continue dating other girls. Which I might, but I don't want her to just become a stranger because our dating hit a snag. I never date a girl I couldn't be great friends with, so making that connection and then having to let go 100% is hard. Would it be better to just remain facebook/networking friends and keep in touch instead of putting effort into still hanging out occasionally, and then when my divorce is final seek her out? Thats taking a big risk because she could have put away any and all desire to date me by then, but it could also be romantic as hell if she reacts positively. Ah, I see what you are saying. You want to make sure that she is still into you, therefore hanging out and seeing her will ensure that her feelings remain the same? Am I correct? If that's the case, then I don't think that's a good plan either. Especially if you will be dating other girls. What if you keep hanging out and she becomes no longer interested in you other than a friend? And what if she begins dating someone else, how would you feel about that? I think you have the right idea with staying connected through facebook. You are right it's a risk, but it will be one despite whether you see her or not. Being friends does not mean she will continue to have feelings for you..it's just basically setting yourself up for some pain.
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