ioncebelieved Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I was almost healed after a year apart and ex slowly but surely contacts me a few months ago. We had a LDR which made it tough along with other factors. Last week, I sent her a short email letting her know my feelings. Then a week later she calls me to tell me she will be 30 minutes away from me for business. When I saw her, the old feelings rushed back in as I never stopped loving her and I could see in her eyes her feelings were still the same. We spent the day together and it was very nice. Night time was upon us and my couch was a little crowded and we were both tired so we went to bed. Things turned intimate and she froze on me. She said I have something to tell you that I have never told anyone else. Then she preceded to tell me of a phone conversation we had almost two years ago that I remembered like it was yesterday. She acted very strange during that conversation and told me she late. All of a sudden while in bed, she said that she was pregnant and got an abortion two years ago. I was assured the child was mine. She started crying and had a panic attack. I was hurt like in the past. How could someone that loved me do this to me? I never wanted children, but with this woman, I would have loved a child. Love is so blind....Even though I am destroyed all over again, I still want her in my life. For those that want exs back, be careful allowing them access in. Now I am not quite sure what I want to do with her as I guess she is back in my life.
Flying Burrito Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 The decision you have before you remains the same. What do you want now, with her, in the present? Do you want a relationship? Do you want commitment? Marriage? A family? What do you want a year from now? 5 years from now?
Author ioncebelieved Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 The decision you have before you remains the same. What do you want now, with her, in the present? Do you want a relationship? Do you want commitment? Marriage? A family? What do you want a year from now? 5 years from now? Honestly... I still want her in my life, but I am not certain in what capacity. Hearing about the abortion was rough! I am not firm on abortion one way or the other in general. In cases of rape then yes, otherwise not keen on it. Especially since it was my own flesh and blood makes it worse. If things can be different, then I would want a future.
Trialbyfire Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 The abortion is done. Are you going to punish her for it, two years later? Do you think she did it lightly?
anne1707 Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 She must have had an extremely good reason to do this - your comment about not wanting children makes me wonder whether your ex felt this was the case. Whilst to you this has only just happened, this is something she has spent the last few years with and is still upset about it which again shows that it was a far from easy decision. Please do not judge her and her actions. If you still want her in your life, you will need to be able to deal with this and NEVER hold it against her. Can you do that?
Author ioncebelieved Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 The abortion is done. Are you going to punish her for it, two years later? Do you think she did it lightly? You know Trial, she either pulled a good acting job the other night or was affected tremendously by it. She broke down really hard on me. It took me a minute to figure out how I should respond. Then I just held her. I did not punish her for it, but did want answers which I felt I was entitled to. Eventually, I will forgive her and after our discussion last evening we will not talk about it again. She said it was a hell of an ordeal for a long while and describe how crappy the place was. She has been on Xanax every since then.
Author ioncebelieved Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 She must have had an extremely good reason to do this - your comment about not wanting children makes me wonder whether your ex felt this was the case. Whilst to you this has only just happened, this is something she has spent the last few years with and is still upset about it which again shows that it was a far from easy decision. Please do not judge her and her actions. If you still want her in your life, you will need to be able to deal with this and NEVER hold it against her. Can you do that? Thing is we neither desired children. But the child was derived out of love. I would make a great dad!! She would make a great mother! There are other factors involved that I will not discuss here. I would never hold it against her, never ever! I love her too much.
Trialbyfire Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Then it's time to support her with your strength. She did this all alone, with no one there for her, albeit her choice. Maybe you should discuss it again, with the understanding that if she ever becomes pregnant again, to plse discuss it with you so you can work through this together, relying on each others' strengths within a relationship.
Recommended Posts