Isolde Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Anyone here ever deeply regretted rejecting someone after 1-3 dates? (This is a spinoff of a past thread I made). And what did you learn from that feeling of regret? While most of my rejections (and there aren't that many) have made sense to me in retrospect, there's one that I would take back in a heartbeat. I'm not sure at all if we would have worked out, but I was too immature at the time to assess the situation properly and dismissed him because the attraction was only lukewarm on my part (but there was still potential, I'm certain of it now). Ironically, this is now the type of guy I want to date! I learned a lot from re-assessing this one. While I believe that first impressions are important, I now know that if you feel even a little potential, a second date should not be declined.
Star Gazer Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Deeply regretted? Nope, never. There have been one or two where I later thought, "Was I too quick to dismiss?" But I got over that doubt as soon as the next guy came along.
Jaytb Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Anyone here ever deeply regretted rejecting someone after 1-3 dates? (This is a spinoff of a past thread I made). And what did you learn from that feeling of regret? While most of my rejections (and there aren't that many) have made sense to me in retrospect, there's one that I would take back in a heartbeat. I'm not sure at all if we would have worked out, but I was too immature at the time to assess the situation properly and dismissed him because the attraction was only lukewarm on my part (but there was still potential, I'm certain of it now). Ironically, this is now the type of guy I want to date! I learned a lot from re-assessing this one. While I believe that first impressions are important, I now know that if you feel even a little potential, a second date should not be declined. It's not good to live your life with deep regret. Just look at it like a lesson learned and that's it.
Author Isolde Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 Heh, I don't lie awake at night or anything, but it's definitely more than just, "Oh maybe he wasn't THAT bad!" The feeling is based on the conversations we had and the fact that he was really nice and kind of cute. Anyways, I do deeply regret that you are taken, Jaytb, but heck, that one isn't my fault
monkey00 Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I don't recall have regrets from rejecting a girl after x dates. Though there have been many times in the past where I felt regret for missing out on an opportunity on asking out a girl, especially when her interest was obvious. Life is too short to dwell on this kind of thing, move on and make the best of it. Lots of good fish in the sea.
Jaytb Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Heh, I don't lie awake at night or anything, but it's definitely more than just, "Oh maybe he wasn't THAT bad!" The feeling is based on the conversations we had and the fact that he was really nice and kind of cute. Well you learned something. That's all that matters really. Remember, live like you have no regrets. Or have no regrets so you don't have to pretend Anyways, I do deeply regret that you are taken, Jaytb, but heck, that one isn't my fault haha. I don't know if you're into younger guys but I'm only 19.
SushiX Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I think this way when I feel lonely after getting rejected by the girls I really want to date. Then I start thinking about the ones I rejected and ask myself should I really settle for less? Nahhhhh. There are plenty of fishes!
Author Isolde Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 Jaytb, age is no barrier Ok, I promise I will stop hitting on you now. Sushix, I agree that most rejections occur for a good reason, but sometimes one just makes an error of judgment. Such is life, I guess.
Jaytb Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Jaytb, age is no barrier Ok, I promise I will stop hitting on you now. Sushix, I agree that most rejections occur for a good reason, but sometimes one just makes an error of judgment. Such is life, I guess. haha you're really funny. I hope IRL guys can see that about you.
Trialbyfire Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I've never regretted rejecting anyone, at anytime, whether after the first date or after an LTR. I accept it and move on. Also, right now, you're going through a dating drought, so you're running through your past options. If you honestly regret it, is there anything to stop you from recontacting him? You might find that the same reasons crop up, as to why you rejected him in the first place.
Author Isolde Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 TBF: Thanks for reminding me I'm in a drought! No, I'm not running through past options out of desperation, at all. I can't recontact the guy, long story. I will say that some reflection on past choices can be an immensely helpful thing. No wonder older posters on LS, often feel they have so much more perspective. It all "adds up," doesn't it?
Star Gazer Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Also, right now, you're going through a dating drought, so you're running through your past options. If you honestly regret it, is there anything to stop you from recontacting him? You might find that the same reasons crop up, as to why you rejected him in the first place. Spot on. Isolde, why did you reject the guy you're thinking of?
BCCA Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I think I find myself regretting the idea of what potential there could of been, but then I remember that there was a reason I rejected the person at the time, and honestly - live and learn. And I'm in a dought, too, and trust me - the FIRST thing that popped into my mind was one of the girls I rejected that could have been good. Sadly though, I think she would have only met my needs NOW, and probably wouldnt work long term. Also, FYI - I'm single and 28
Author Isolde Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 I thought he was ok looking but awkward, and I thought he was too interested, even though he did nothing weird or creepy. I think I was just too scared of seeing where it went.
Author Isolde Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 I'm terrified of missing opportunities. I'm terrified of meeting someone I would be great with and not giving them enough of a chance. I know what it feels like to not be given a chance.
zhsoj Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 I'm terrified of missing opportunities. I'm terrified of meeting someone I would be great with and not giving them enough of a chance. I know what it feels like to not be given a chance. Isolde, why are you so worried about it? So you regret rejecting this guy in the past? We all regret things in our past. Now you've learned that you'd like to give the next guy(s) a bit more of a chance. All you have to do is apply what you've learned. None of us can be perfect; nor should we live our lives by someone else's yardstick.
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