matty1984 Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I am 25 and was in a relationship with my beautiful ex girlfriend who is 23 for 2.5 years. For the majority of the time it was perfect we got along great, better than anyone either of us had previously dated and planned to travel together and eventually start a serious life together. However, towards the end of last year I went out on the town for a boys night and ended up back at my mates place in bed with my ex girlfriend. It was not planned, we had had no previous contact and I barely remember how we ended up there. After the incident happened I did not told anyone and kept it a secret until it came out one night in an argument where I actually ended the relationship. She had been told by one of her friends who was told by my ex who had come clean about the whole thing. I don’t know weather i was ever going to tell her I like to think that i was but I am not sure. However when it came out I flatly denied it outright and kept this up for a few months until she was sat down by the ex and told face to face. Since then we have had a fair few fights and her friends have had a lot of input to her current decision of not to return to the relationship. I am desperately trying to get her back as it was one night of drunkenness and stupidity. I have not had any feelings for my ex the entire time I was with my gf, and have had none after. We ended around a month and a half ago and she has told me to give her a lot of space and that she can’t do it again. Since then she has slept with a guy whom she met out with the girls one night (she admitted it to me) and has been hanging around with him but she denies any feelings for him and says that he is a distraction, nothing more.... Am I wasting my time, what can I do? I have tried flowers, letters, inviting her to dinner and a few other things but I am lost without her. I love her some much and want nothing more than to see her smile again. Help...
Faded Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 There's no excuse for cheating on someone. None. Cut your losses, move on. If you really love her, you'd leave her alone - she deserves better. Find someone you won't lie to & cheat on. and yes, you're wasting your time.
monkeymaid Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 that was pretty harsh there faded. ...dont get me wrong, im not gonna blow sunshine up your ass, you are at her mercy when it comes to this relationship. i hope you have learned something from your experience, but thats not to say there is no hope. you are gonna have to bend overbackwards and go through an emotional upheaval like none other IF you are to even get a chance at getting her back. its a case of broken trust. ...ask yourself honestly what would make you trust someone again after them breaking your trust and your heart?? i am a firm believer that no situation is impossible. the mountains you are gonna have to move are tremendous, and if you are willing to stick it out for the long haul, there is still no guarantee. she needs her space, you have to make baby steps. the first thing is to show her respect by giving her lots of space like she asked. she hasnt cut u off and told you NC so she is willing to entertain at least talking to you, and thats where your hope lies. this might work with maturity and many months of patience on your part and the ability to keep your cool while sheis with other guys. just dont become her friend
playlislay Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Jesus lad, what do you expect! In her eyes you not only proved that she cant trust you to go out with your mates fuelled my alcohol, but she cant trust your word either! Why do you guys do this? You blatetly lie to a womans face when she has the evidence and then confess?! It just proves what a liar you are and that you dont have the balls to face upto your responsibilities. I really dont know what you should do mr, you do realise that she may have some MAJOR trust issues with you over this. If she stays with you then you better re-assure your love for her and prove to her that you CAN be truthful and faithful-easier said than done after your actions!!! I just pray for the both of you that you have learnt from your mistake!!
era Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 matty1984... Here's a woman's POV...I would have kicked your butt to the curb, and never spoken to you again...end of story. You're a liar and a cheater...what do you expect? Forget about the flowers, letters, dinners - yes, you are wasting your time.
paperchase Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Your situation is unique in some ways. You cheated and got dumped. Most people get cheated on and then dumped. Point is you got dumped. Difference is, you were the wrongdoer. Regardless, begging is not the way to go. Even if she gave you a second chance, you'd have no leverage and you'd be in the dog house forever. At this point you have to do the opposite of what she expects. You messed up and she knows you want her back. She expects you to beg. So don't. Move on. Don't go NC, but just don't reach out. Be unphased when she calls and sometimes unavailable. If she still has feelings for you this will be effective and throw her off balance. Accept that she doesn't want you. Adopt the view that I made my bed and now I'll lie in it, but instead of pining just accept that it's time to move on. You must make her chase you a bit and if she doesn't then it's over. Sometimes when you cheat on a woman it opens her eyes and she doesn't look back. Other times, she just needs time to get over the hurt. You're not helping your case by sending flowers and pushing the issue.
Author matty1984 Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 I know... It's just so hard because I acted like a clown and self destructed all the time and now that I have lost it and its gotten to this level I feel nothing but regret
Author matty1984 Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 I appreciate your advice but I dont think that would work. She is playing that game I call her she will screen the call and not answer and other times she will answer within the first 2 rings. I am just so heart broken and lost
Author matty1984 Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 I know, but doesn't everyone deserve a second chance?
Davey McG Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I know, but doesn't everyone deserve a second chance? You may feel like you deserve one, but you are not ENTITLED to one. She doesn't have to give you a second chance. You cheated on her and she owes you nothing. Its up to her and if she has any sensible friends/family/colleagues who know what you did, they'll be advising her to cut and run. I would learn from this. Its painful, I know, but you can take this as a life lesson and never do it again.
Tizzy Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 It was not planned, we had had no previous contact and I barely remember how we ended up there. Who's to say such a..."mishap" wouldn't happen again? You have broken your ex's trust. You cheated on her then had the nerve to lie to her about it, for months! And the only reason she found out the truth was because the other girl herself told her about it, not you!! What the h***?? Why should she believe anything you have to say after this point?? I can assure you she is beyond disgusted. And who's to say you won't get drunk and cheat again? You are making no sense, and NO, you don't deserve a second chance with this girl. If what you had with this woman was so good you wouldn't have screwed it up so easily. Simple as that. No excuses.
Zippo Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 Dear Matty, My english may not be from the highest level (because i'm Dutch) I am in the exact same situation with my girlfriend and i also cheated on her in an act of stupidity... I regret this every single day as for now it has been a little bit more than 2 months we splitted up because of this incident... She now has a new boyfriend since 3 weeks and i made the famous mistakes beforehand of begging her for another chance (and being miserable for 6 weeks on a row crying as a little kid and long nights of no sleep, sounds familiar?, although i used to be a strong dominant male). Although i made these famous mistakes of begging i'm now on the course of respect and NC. Although you messed with her feelings badly and her trust in you is ruined in the worst way possible it could still be possible that you two unite in the future that is... I believe (and also my only hope is) is to give her this time and space that she is asking for! go on NC! If you are still the one for her and as you stated in you story your relationship was perfect she will come back to you because her new boyfriend won't fullfill this perfect relationship as she had with you back then. But of course it is not strange for her and aswell for my ex to search for other fish in the sea because of our actions! Therefore my advice at the moment is to respect her moves and concentrate on going on with you life because if she decides to give you another shot she will probably not want to be in the position of pulling you out of the mud "emotionally""... Hope this helps you a bit... greetz zippo
CaliGuy Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 I know, but doesn't everyone deserve a second chance? Nobody "deserves" anything in life except for reaping what we sow. You are now learning the consequences of what exactly that means. Hanging out with your friends and doing sometime stupid doesn't mean you "deserve" a second chance. If you really loved your girlfriend you wouldn't have done something so foolish. So no, I don't think you "deserve" a second chance. Your ex can not trust you and the work required to rebuild the relationship is probably more work that it's worth to her. What she needs is time. Time away from you to sort out what she wants. If she decides she wants to give you a second chance, she knows where to find you. If I were you, I wouldn't screw things up more by pursuing her.
EmperorR Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 your a cheater you deserve nothing sorry to be so harsh.
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