JMC Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I am more confused now than I've ever been. I'm in my 40's. I've been thru a lot in my life. A lot of bad things. You'd think I'd know more, right? I'd think I'd know more than I do at this point in my life, as much as I've gone thru and supposedly have learned. But I am here, so confused, searching for answers. Lately I've realized that everything I thought I knew about the world of dating for men and women is all upside-down and I don't know why. Only thing I can think of is that Internet Dating has contributed mightily to it. What I've gone thru in the last year and a half of internet dating has caused me so much pain and confusion that I'm wondering how many years it'll take me to be able to look back and really see what happened; what really has been going on. I'm inside of it too deep and murky to know what's going on. I used to think there were all these "rules" of life and dating that never ever varied. I thought everyone was like me - vulnerable, honest, sensitive, nice, accountable, conscientious, generous, full of goodwill & intentions, full of love to give, wanting so much to give, receive, and share true love - and above all, want never to be the cause of someone else's pain; indeed, would go to all lengths to avoid doing that. Then there's all the RULES I continually hear from friends, family, books, the internet, music, TV, movies.....these rules state with funereal gravity that a good relationship will ONLY look a certain way. If a budding dating situation doesn't look that "certain way", you must immediately, without any second thoughts (or you're a weak freaking idiot) dump the person and never even think of contacting them ever again. You must immediately cut any feelings for them out of your heart or the world will end with you in the lead making it end. The rules as I've absorbed them: A Good Relationship will have none of the following: No married people, no separated people, no liars, no fudgers, no drinkers, no druggers, no smokers, no short guys, no effeminates, no toothless, no bi, no gay, must have nice car/job/place, no living with parents, never been to jail...you get the gist. And then there's the hardest rules to follow or understand. Thou must never ever date someone who doesn't Treat You Perfectly. Otherwise, there is No Hope. You must vow to dump him and Be Alone Until Mr. Perfect Arrives. Oh, and he will! Because of course there's a perfect Mr. Perfect for each and every woman on Earth. Loneliness is OK. It's not that bad. It builds character. Yah freaking right. You must only spend more than a nanosecond with guys who show you with every movement, every breath how much they worship you. They must: Call you exactly when they say they will. Forgetting is not OK. Call you more than you call them. They must email you more than you email them. Same for texts or IM's. Pay for everything. Are dying to be with you all the time; practically have to be physically restrained from their hot passionate worshipful love for you (which must be present from the beginning or There's No Hope). Don't need tons of space - even if they used to (being in love Transforms Every Man into Mr. Perfect). Will drive hours or days to spend one beautiful moment with you. You should never have to drive to see them. They are always concerned with your feeings and happiness. Want to have sex with you all the time. Will do everything you expect and more sexually to please you. You'll never have to say anything or do anything. They'll know exactly what to do; if they don't make you "O" just right they're selfish pigs. They must be dying at all times to tell you how much they want to be with you, how beautiful you are, want you to only date them, want to marry you someday, make you perfectly happy. Any deviation from the above means they are "Just Not That Into You", that they don't like you, are wasting your time, you're wasting your time, they don't respect you, think you're an idiot for "letting" them do all this to you, are prolly laughing their arses off for you "letting" them do all this to you (even though it's perfectly OK for them to never utter a word of honesty to tell you they don't like you and are stringing you along cuz they're lonely or horny - none of that is their responsibility. You're supposed to know it because they're not adhering to The Rules. They're not at all at fault because you're too stupid to tell the difference between someone who Loves you and someone who Doesn't). Does ANYONE here on this forum on on Earth know any guy like this?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Does Anyone Anywhere have this sort of relationship?!!!! Must I stay alone forever til I Find This??? Am I supposed to prefer being alone until age 100, with cats and gardening and night classes and literature and red wine and self-help seminars and frequent re-readings of "Women Who Love Too Much", to any relationship not measuring up to how the Rules state they should be?!
Rebellious Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 You should call my office and make an appointment:bunny:
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