allornothing Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Ok so this is my first post here and i'm looking for feedback, please. I moved in with my boyfriend about 2 weeks ago and for some reason things are not going as planned. This is something we talked about for a long while and we finally made it happen. However, now it's not moving along the way i would have pictured it. This is not the first time i've lived with a boyfriend so i know that there are rocky paths and an adjustment period. So since i moved into his place and honestly didn't have much to bring anyway i tried to make sure i didn't make any huge changes in the house. No moving furniture or the like. I encouraged him to keep is normal rituals of guys night out on friday and dinner with a buddy of his durning the week so that his normal life before me wouldn't be halted. I thought this was important because i don't want to change things that have been his norm. There is no reason to do that. Let things ease in place. That doesn't seem to be working, he seems uneasy and i'm not sure why. I guess i was just wondering if it's normal for him to withdraw a little while things are getting settled or not. It just feels so strange at the moment. I was wondering if there are any guys who maybe could give some male views on this situtation or any woman who may have gone through the same thing. Thank you!!
Beautiful Inside Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Ok so this is my first post here and i'm looking for feedback, please. I moved in with my boyfriend about 2 weeks ago and for some reason things are not going as planned. This is something we talked about for a long while and we finally made it happen. However, now it's not moving along the way i would have pictured it. This is not the first time i've lived with a boyfriend so i know that there are rocky paths and an adjustment period. So since i moved into his place and honestly didn't have much to bring anyway i tried to make sure i didn't make any huge changes in the house. No moving furniture or the like. I encouraged him to keep is normal rituals of guys night out on friday and dinner with a buddy of his durning the week so that his normal life before me wouldn't be halted. I thought this was important because i don't want to change things that have been his norm. There is no reason to do that. Let things ease in place. That doesn't seem to be working, he seems uneasy and i'm not sure why. I guess i was just wondering if it's normal for him to withdraw a little while things are getting settled or not. It just feels so strange at the moment. I was wondering if there are any guys who maybe could give some male views on this situtation or any woman who may have gone through the same thing. Thank you!! i was dating my s/o for about 4 months before he asked me to move in with him...things were so exciting at first and wonderful and fun....shortly after a month or 2 things were just ****ty, if we fought i felt like to pack up all my **** and move out, i never felt like it was my home too i dont know y exactly but its the truth... i feel like he's so damn anal about everything every ****ing day i feel like im doing something wrong he always points **** out to me i hate it... sometimes i regret moving in so quickly its just everything seemed so perfect in the beginning we couldn't get enough of each other....now its so different i feel like i get on his nerves i always tell him that i feel like he doesnt want me here and he says its not true he loves me here but i dont feel it ....it sucks to be in this situation i know how u feel...
TaraMaiden Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Beautiful Inside, t is not polite to hijack somebody else's thread. We'd be happy to talk to both of you if you begin your own. But now, trying to respond to two people with similar problems will be confusing. The answer is very simple. It's an invasion of energetic space, and something you and your partners have to either acknowledge and make allowances for, or acknowledge and one of you move out. Where is it written that simply because you are with someone you have to actually physically be 'with someone'? If you don't like what is happening, change it!
bluechocolate Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 i tried to make sure i didn't make any huge changes in the house. No moving furniture or the like. I encouraged him to keep is normal rituals of guys night out on friday and dinner with a buddy of his durning the week so that his normal life before me wouldn't be halted. I think this is a mistake. Why did you two decide to move in together ? Are you just a lodger in his house helping to cover the rent ? IMO the ideal thing to do when you decide to live with your partner is to get a new place together. That way it really is a new beginning for each person, in a space they've chosen together in order to spend their lives together. Of course this isn't always practical but what you've described sounds more to me like 'getting a lodger in' than moving in with your lover. His routine & his space don't have to change drastically, but they do have to change somewhat to accommodate you & vice versa.
Lucky_One Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 This is something we talked about for a long while and we finally made it happen. It may be nothing, but "finally making it happen" almost seems a bit as though there was some sort of obstacle to doing this. Usually, moving in involves deciding it, finding a good weekend to get some friends to help with the big things, and getting your stuff to his/her place ASAP, then getting the utitlities cut off at the old place. Was there some issue that made moving in together problematic? How long have you been together?
Author allornothing Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Thank you for the feedback....getting a new place would be the best thing but he just bought a house a little less then a year ago so right now it's not an option.....we have known each other for over 3 years and have dated on and off for a good part of that....distance was the biggest issue with us..."finally making it happen" is the phrase i used because i lived in NJ and he lives in NH, which is where i am now so there was a lot more to it then picking a date and getting some friends together...i was in the middle of school and had to get a few family issues under control before i could be in a place where i could make the move. We always talked about it but due to life in general it took a bit of time before all the cards fell into place so that moving was an option. So there was a lot of factors involved that just took time. Maybe he just wanted lodging but i don't know how it holds up logically in my mind at this point. I kinda see it as if that's all that was needed then it would have been easier to find somebody local. I think he is being selfish in a lot of ways....just wondering if that will fade.....
Kamille Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 i tried to make sure i didn't make any huge changes in the house. No moving furniture or the like. I encouraged him to keep is normal rituals of guys night out on friday and dinner with a buddy of his durning the week so that his normal life before me wouldn't be halted. I think this is a mistake. Why did you two decide to move in together ? Are you just a lodger in his house helping to cover the rent ? I think bluechocolate is onto something. Only, I don't think you two need to find a new place, I just think you need to start investing in the place, make it your home as well as is and take your space. And you know what, that will probably make him feel at ease, because he won't feel like he has to make sure you're all right all the time. No, because he will know that if you need anything, are uncomfortable about anything, you will speak up. you two moved in together. I assume it's because you want to build a life together.
karlag Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Bad idea! I had to learn this the hard way. I moved into my ex's house and found myself in a similar situation. It never goes the way you picture it. But you my dear should NOT have to walk on eggshells and cater to his every pout. Its your home too right??? Here's the lesson I learned. If you are going to move in with a s/o it has to be in a NEW nutral location so that nobody has established territory AKA "the upper hand" because believe you me, when things go sour YOU will be leaving HIS house. If he is really ready for the commitment he will make you feel at home.
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