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Would you react different to these scenes or the same?

samsungxoxo

By samsungxoxo
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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samsungxoxo Established Member

samsungxoxo

Posted
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So let's say 5 types of cheating scenes occur and according to you which one you think it's worst and would you react in a different way? Or would it be the same answer, a boot to the door right away?

 

Cheating scenes (any type of cheating from kissing to full blown sex)

 

1) You actually do catch them in the act of cheating. They had carry it on with lies but lol, it didn't took you long when all you did was walked in them with the other person doing the cheating.

 

2) You still catch them but not in person like the 1st scene rather you find either photos or a tape recorder of them cheating or in compromising positions.

 

3) No you don't catch them but you discovered them in a lie by finding out through phone bills, emails, recorded conversations, and/or other evidence that can't be deny no longer.

 

4) Someone else spills the beans. This someone that told you can be anyone, even the person your partner cheated with.

 

5) The cheater himself/herself tells you about it all. Consume with guilt he/she confesses it all. Kinda like the criminal turning himself in to the police on his own with no pressure made.

 

For me it would be both number 1 and 2 thus talk about total humiliation.

LucreziaBorgia Established Member

LucreziaBorgia

Posted
Posted

From experience, I'd have to say that the only one that didn't get the boot was a #5 experience, though in hindsight I sort of wish I had ended it right then and there instead of hanging on another couple of years.

Stockalone Established Member

Stockalone

Posted
Posted
So let's say 5 types of cheating scenes occur and according to you which one you think it's worst and would you react in a different way? Or would it be the same answer, a boot to the door right away?

 

All of these scenarios would cause the end of the relationship. But the way I handle the break-up would be different for certain scenarios and what exactly it was they have done.

 

Scenario 5 would be the "best case scenario" for my then ex-gf as I would be inclined to be civilized towards her during the break-up. If she isn't the one to come clean as in the scenarios 1-4 you described, then I would let the evidence of her betrayal find it's way to her parents, family, friends and co-workers.

 

The other man would pay dearly for his actions, regardless of the scenario.

Bejita463 Established Member

Bejita463

Posted
Posted

All of them are deal-breakers to me. Trust is important to me in a relationship, as I assume it is with many.

 

Problem is that my mindset would never allow me to get past one thing. That thing is that if my SO cheated on me (or even broke up with me) once, I would never be able to trust that they would not do it again. Why? They've already demonstrated both the capacity and willingness to carry out those actions. Even if I tried to forgive them, the relationship would ultimately always have trust issues.

 

Some breaches of trust are irredeemable, to me.

 

Edit: The other man would pay dearly for his actions, regardless of the scenario.

 

I don't see the point of this. He did not violate your trust. She did. It is entirely possible the guy was not even aware of your existence, which would net you in both in the same boat, albeit for different reasons. Deliberately poaching your girl would be different, but even then the fault really lies with her, not with him.

Stockalone Established Member

Stockalone

Posted
Posted

I don't see the point of this. He did not violate your trust. She did. It is entirely possible the guy was not even aware of your existence, which would net you in both in the same boat, albeit for different reasons. Deliberately poaching your girl would be different, but even then the fault really lies with her, not with him.

 

The cheaters and those who enable them to cheat are equally guilty.

 

If I have evidence that he didn't know that she was in a relationship, I might let him off the hook.

 

But if I walk in on them having sex, I am not going to take the time and ask him about that. I will inflict pain. And he has an even chance, I don't own a gun. If he knows what he is doing, he can get past me.

Bejita463 Established Member

Bejita463

Posted
Posted
The cheaters and those who enable them to cheat are equally guilty.

 

I think we'd have to agree to disagree here. I don't care if every man on the planet tries to get into my girl's pants. She is the one who decides whether they do or not. Not them.

 

My problem would be with the violation of trust I'd placed in my SO to not allow that to happen, not with the guy who did it.

 

For reference, I have been cheated on before.

 

If I have evidence that he didn't know that she was in a relationship, I might let him off the hook.

 

The hook he did not know he was on, if he truly did not know. Passion rules reason sometimes, but we're thinking with reason right now.

 

But if I walk in on them having sex, I am not going to take the time and ask him about that. I will inflict pain. And he has an even chance, I don't own a gun. If he knows what he is doing, he can get past me.

 

I have not yet had the pleasure of such an experience. I can't honestly say how I'd react, but I'd really like to believe my focus would be appropriately riveted on the source of the problem itself.

 

 

Not arguin' with you. Just describing my own POV.

Stockalone Established Member

Stockalone

Posted
Posted
I think we'd have to agree to disagree here. I don't care if every man on the planet tries to get into my girl's pants. She is the one who decides whether they do or not. Not them.

 

My problem would be with the violation of trust I'd placed in my SO to not allow that to happen, not with the guy who did it.

 

As far as the other man is concerned, he would be taking what is mine (it doesn't matter how worthless she turned out to be), and I will punish him for it.

 

This has little to do with passion. Sure, it has to do with pride, but IMO more importantly, it is a matter of principle.

 

The betrayal of trust by the cheating gf is, for me, a separate issue.

 

 

The hook he did not know he was on, if he truly did not know. Passion rules reason sometimes, but we're thinking with reason right now.

 

The use of violence can be a proportional response. And in case of a cheater, I believe that the use of violence can be justified.

 

As I said, I might let him off the hook if he truly didn't know. However, I have a hard time believing that a guy doesn't know that the woman he is f***ing isn't single.

 

Granted, it is possible, but I don't think that is usually the case.

 

 

I have not yet had the pleasure of such an experience. I can't honestly say how I'd react, but I'd really like to believe my focus would be appropriately riveted on the source of the problem itself.

 

So far, I was lucky enough not to have that experience either, but I have no doubt that I would react violently towards the guy, given that the law isn't going to take care of that piece of **** for me.

 

 

Not arguin' with you. Just describing my own POV.

 

No problem. I can see your point, but I can't agree with you.

Bejita463 Established Member

Bejita463

Posted
Posted
No problem. I can see your point, but I can't agree with you.

 

I can respect that. :)

  • 7 months later...
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samsungxoxo Established Member

samsungxoxo

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Yeah that would sure be a tough scenario. The problem with acting violent is a possible jail time or if not, you ruined your clean record for a piece of trash who's not worth it. Then again, for sure it would be soo upsetting...

on1wheel Established Member

on1wheel

Posted
Posted

I caught my wife, he knew she was married, lied to me on the phone when I called him, then I told him with a calm that was not indicative of the searing rage I was feeling "I wish you hadn't just lied to me as you've now made it personal between you & I...I suggest you prepare for a visit from me & you'll see 1st hand that all actions have severe repercussions".

I'm told he called the police, admitted the affair to his wife (a cop btw) & quit his job the next day. Since it was an at work affair, I suspect his wife had something to do with the last action.

I never did go see him, as I knew in my dead heart that if I had 1 of us would no longer draw breath. Considering I outweighed him by a good 20 lbs of muscle & had been a street fighter for most of my life; well let's just say I was fairly certain as to which of us would end up in prison & which in the morgue.

Now that 2 yrs has passed I see that no matter the pain I inflicted on him it would not remove the sex, would not save my marriage; it would only be a venting for my rage @ being so totally betrayed & disrespected. Karma will take care of cockraoches like them...I have to believe that it will. Otherwise, what makes being a kind, honest & loving man worthwhile?

FilthMerchant Established Member

FilthMerchant

Posted
Posted

I'll rank cheating scenarios, 1 being worst and so on down the list

 

1. Finding out that a child I raised, thinking it was mine, was not, inside a marriage

2. Finding out that a child I raised, thinking it was mine, was not, outside a marriage

3. Catching an STD, inside a marriage

4. Catching an STD, outside a marriage

5. Catching them red-handed on my property (a house that I paid for, my car, room that I'm renting, etc)

6. Finding out myself

7. Finding out from them

FilthMerchant Established Member

FilthMerchant

Posted
Posted
I caught my wife, he knew she was married, lied to me on the phone when I called him, then I told him with a calm that was not indicative of the searing rage I was feeling "I wish you hadn't just lied to me as you've now made it personal between you & I...I suggest you prepare for a visit from me & you'll see 1st hand that all actions have severe repercussions".

I'm told he called the police, admitted the affair to his wife (a cop btw) & quit his job the next day. Since it was an at work affair, I suspect his wife had something to do with the last action.

I never did go see him, as I knew in my dead heart that if I had 1 of us would no longer draw breath. Considering I outweighed him by a good 20 lbs of muscle & had been a street fighter for most of my life; well let's just say I was fairly certain as to which of us would end up in prison & which in the morgue.

Now that 2 yrs has passed I see that no matter the pain I inflicted on him it would not remove the sex, would not save my marriage; it would only be a venting for my rage @ being so totally betrayed & disrespected. Karma will take care of cockraoches like them...I have to believe that it will. Otherwise, what makes being a kind, honest & loving man worthwhile?

 

What the hell dude? It is your wife that sinned, not him (he did, but he did not sin against you). Your feud is with your wife... not him.

MichiganMan222 Established Member

MichiganMan222

Posted
Posted

I can't imagine walking in on them. That would haunt me for the rest of my life. I honestly have no idea what I would do to them.

 

What the hell dude? It is your wife that sinned, not him (he did, but he did not sin against you). Your feud is with your wife... not him.

 

The accomplice seems to be in the range of fire too. My fiancee caught her ex in an affair about two years ago. Today, they act like friends (they have children together so contact is unavoidable), but she still wants to brain the OW. He and I know they can never be in the same room together.

silic0ntoad Established Member

silic0ntoad

Posted
Posted

If I walked in on a Gf cheating with another man, Violence would ensue.

 

All of the scenarios above are deal breakers. Once my trust is broken, it never comes back fully. If they did it once, it makes it easier to do it again.

WebEx Member

WebEx

Posted
Posted

I dont think any cheating scenarios can really be ranked, it all feels the same. The only difference is the shock and awe factor.

 

I agree with whoever said #5 would atleast maybe get a civil response.

 

What you should do is rank the top cheating scenarios.. Catching them in the act would be the best, there is no bull**** to wade through, you seen it plain and simple with your own eyes. You can have peace knowing it wasn't meant to be and your time is no longer being wasted.

  • 1 month later...
venus-blue Member

venus-blue

Posted
Posted

I have attacked a girl who tried to sleep with my bf. She kept sending him messages trying to get him to go out for a beer, to which he did not respond. She then saw him at the 1 local bar and invited him up to the cabin where she stays with her bf. He went, not knowing they would be alone, not intending on anything else happening(he has plenty of fem friends that I trust). They hung out then she offered him a shoulder rub and tried to grab his ***** and kiss him, but he refused. He was too drunk to drive home by this point so he fell asleep in the 1 room cabin next to her. I came up at 1 am and found them together, clothed, and woke them up by punching her repeatedly. I feared the worst and reacted out of pure rage. It is hard to control real emotion. He admitted what she had tried and begged for forgiveness for disrespecting me, though she would not admit any wrong doing.

 

He was responsible for getting in such a compromising position, yes, but not every man wants to sleep with every woman he is alone with. All it could have taken was for him to be a little more drunk and for her to be more forceful and he would have done something regrettable. She knew about me and still attempted to sleep with him. There has to be consequence for such disrespect. I could mess up plenty of relationships, but I am not a deceitful person. These kinds of actions should not be tolerated.

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