EmperorR Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 And I'm nervous as hell that I will see her, can't belive it's been 9 months and I'm feeling like this.
BW007 Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Hey E, I forget the whole story with the 9 month x....was there another relationship after that too? I am going to go against the grain here and say that your feelings about this are still so near the surface that maybe you should see her f2f, at least one last time if she wants that too. If not, don't be stalker guy. On the other hand my relationship went to hell in a handbasket and I don't feel like an authority about anything. If you were to see her, it might take back a lot of your progress, but you also shouldn't live in fearfulness. You may see her at some point.
TheBigCow Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Well my story is similar to BW's so maybe my advice is bad as well but I agree with BW. NC and avoiding your ex are all well and good to get past those initial stages of devastation but in the end I personally think that its healthy to at least not fear contact with your ex. If this person was your finance then she was obviously a huge part of your life and no matter how much it sucks she probably always will be in your mind and heart, so never talking or seeing her again would be quite sad. Even if she dumped you and has moved on, I bet she still thinks of you and seeing you will probably affect her in the same way you fear it will affect you.
SimplyIzzy2010 Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 don't let the past control you! If you can try to find another way that won't involve her house,but in reality we can't run away forever. =/
Author EmperorR Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 Yes there was another relationship after her. I literally had a panic attack heart racing a million thoughts through my mind. I'm back to hating her with every bone in my body.
Author EmperorR Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 Well my story is similar to BW's so maybe my advice is bad as well but I agree with BW. NC and avoiding your ex are all well and good to get past those initial stages of devastation but in the end I personally think that its healthy to at least not fear contact with your ex. If this person was your finance then she was obviously a huge part of your life and no matter how much it sucks she probably always will be in your mind and heart, so never talking or seeing her again would be quite sad. Even if she dumped you and has moved on, I bet she still thinks of you and seeing you will probably affect her in the same way you fear it will affect you. She cheated on me and left me for another guy, disrespected me left me in debt, depressed and mocked me for months I'll never talk to her ever again, I was doing fine for months but going by her place of residence brought back the hate.
fabulous_chk Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 i pass by my ex's house everyday and i've gotten used to it...i don't even think about it anymore...we broke up 6 weeks ago. face your fears...don't deliberately avoid things because it makes it a bigger deal than it really is....sometimes i even challenge myself, dare myself to stare at the place. the hurt fades when you are exposed to it so many times.... think of the people who had fears of elevators...the treatment for them usually is deliberate exposure to the experience....then the fear fades away.
TheBigCow Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Well I was cheated on and left for another guy as well.. but I guess at least she didn't mock me for months Sorry I wasn't aware quite how bad it was. I think the other are right though, don't let this fear control your actions. Hate her all your like but since you never want to talk to her again (fair enough!) your goal should be not to give a crap about her in any shape or form. Although its hard to mentally get there, start acting and making choices like you don't care and hopefully your thoughts will follow.
BW007 Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Ok, I get it better. Yeah Emperor, don't build this up in your mind so much. I didn't realize she was purposely humiliating you and mocking you about the relationship. She is a biatch then and not even worth your attention man. I was cheated on bad too, but not made fun of as far as I know. But on the other hand, she screwed other guys behind my back and lied for a really long time and I was too stupid to believe she was capable of being such a slut. Really, there has got to be an alternate route or just put the blinders on and crank the music. Did the flare up of feelings happen because of the anxiety of seeing her only or was there some other trigger too? A secondary breakup can bring out abandonment stuff like crazy.
Author EmperorR Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 Shel lives right across the street from my sister sadly the luck I have, basically since last year august, I've only gone to see my sister twice, last time like 5 months ago, I feel better this morning I don't know why it got to me yesterday. Thanks everyone for the advice/kind words.
Recommended Posts