BellaBee Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 hey everyone, a month ago i met this guy online and i agreed to go out with him. after emailing and speaking on the phone i was excited to meet him, but wasn't expecting much to happen as i have had bad luck lately. well, when i met him on our first date the moment i saw him he took my breath away! not that he is objectively very good looking or anything, just something about him really struck me and i had never felt this way before... after this date i was so excited, i really felt like this was it and i had found my husband, "the one!" i could not stop thinking about him, it was like nothing i have felt before. we went out on a great second date. he kissed me and it was the best and most memorable kiss of my life. much to my surprise after this second date he told me he was going to focus on another relationship i was disappointed because i was very excited, he seemed interested, and it was/is hard to believe that my initial gut feelings were "wrong" i really don't want to give up yet on him, as i still think about him all the time, even though we only had 2 dates. this was about 2.5 weeks ago that he told me that and i have not spoken with him since. he logged on to the dating site a few days after he told me that, but hasn't been on since. am i crazy or what ? i'm thinking i will watch and see if maybe the relationship doesnt work out and he logs back on to the dating site and i will then message him. or should i try to talk to him now? to me it is worth making a fool of myself and wearing my heart on my sleeve...i want to move on and forget about him and getting some "closure" from him might help me do this...HELP!
colosseum Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Guy's perspective here: i'm thinking i will watch and see if maybe the relationship doesnt work out and he logs back on to the dating site and i will then message him. or should i try to talk to him now? to me it is worth making a fool of myself and wearing my heart on my sleeve... This is what not to do. While your intentions may be good, you may come off as a bit desperate, if not the creeper-stalker girl which would only worsen your chances. i want to move on and forget about him This is what to do. Because if the connection is as good as you make it out to have been, then he's going to be thinking about you and missing you too. If you give him the room he might just come running back to you--but you need to give him that chance to wonder and think. getting some "closure" from him might help me do this...HELP! As far as he is concerned, he gave you that closure; he's not interested in this relationship right now. I know it's tough, and I feel for you. I'm sorry things aren't going to be easy, but as strong as your feelings might have been, you can be rest assured that it wasn't all that you made it out to be if he didn't reciprocate fully. Just imagine how good things might be once you really do meet that guy. My 2cents. Good luck to you. No harm intended though I may have written rather bluntly.
Author BellaBee Posted May 3, 2009 Author Posted May 3, 2009 hi colosseum, thanks for replying. i agree with everything that u said! i guess when i said "closure" i meant that i wanted to give it one last shot and put it all out there and see what happens. i realize right now is not a good time to do that because it has been so soon and he obviously doesn't care...i guess ill just try to get over it somehow...it's hard to get over it though when i'm always thinking/hoping that "relationship" doesn't work out and he'll be back on the market again.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Nooo...do NOT "put it all out there." Like Colosseum said, if the connection was as good as you say, he'll be back. AND, if you DO put it all out there like that, it destroys the mystery and his ability to "chase" you if he DOES come back. He already said what he wants to do - respect his wishes.
Author BellaBee Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 ok, i got it (i think). i'm glad i asked. so lets say he does sign on the dating website, should i not even contact him then? i was thinking that if i saw him sign on, i would wait a bit and send him a joking/casual message welcoming him back to the dating scene. but you're saying basically i should just wait for him to contact me no matter what, right?
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I wouldn't be contacting him. On the off chance he was BS'ing about a "relationship" (as in - outright lying to put you off), you could definitely come across as the girl that just wouldn't go away. I'm not saying he definitely WAS lying...but what if he was? If he WAS telling the truth and it ends up falling apart and he comes back - he'll know how to find you.
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